Mormon Barbie Dolls

matthew's picture

Received this in my mail today; author unknown. Laughs unbearable! You probably have to live in Utah to get it...

In celebration of Barbie's 40th birthday, Mattel has created a Mormon Barbie for the folks in Utah. The most popular, Celestial Barbie, comes with 8.4 children. She wears a mid-calf flower print Laura Ashley dress with conservative flats (no heels), a bow in her flowing shoulder-length hair, with puffy bangs.
Barbie wears a permanent smile and comes with her own bread making machine, store of wheat, list of ways to feed a family of 12 on less than $200 a week, casserole recipes, and year's supply of green Jell-O.

Also available MAV (Dodge/Ford/Nissan/whatever mini-van, otherwise
known
as a Mormon Assault Vehicle). When you pull the cord in her back she sheds real tears and says, "You have such a special spirit, Sister," and "Love ya!"

Occasionally you can find one that says "Oh, my heck!" but this is a manufacturer's defect. Celestial Barbie would never say "heck."

You can buy a Celestial Ken to go with Celestial Barbie, but he's hard to find. He's always off fulfilling some priesthood calling, so he's rarely home.

Other Special LDS Barbies include:

  • RM Barbie - This Barbie comes with your choice of a BYU or Ricks sweatshirt and mini computer, and bears her testimony in a foreign language.
  • Homemaking Leader Barbie - Comes with a wide assortment of miniature baking, sewing, and craft supplies.
  • Primary President Barbie - Not very popular, since this one has no hair. Pull her cord and she sings "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree," "Give Said the Little Stream," and folds her arms to remind everyone to be reverent.
  • Relief Society Presidency Barbies - Sold in sets of three, these Barbies come complete with their own agenda! Also included are mini telephones which come attached to their ears. Batteries required, as these busy little numbers never stop running. No shutoff buttons.
  • Young Women's Leader Barbie - Comes dressed for camp with all necessary equipment, including enough insect repellent for everyone. Bishop Ken also available in camping attire.
  • Young Women Skippers - Laurels, Mia Maids, and Beehives, all cute as buttons, dressed in flannel nighties for the sleepover. One-piece swimsuits and knee-length shorts outfits also available.
  • Nursery Leader Barbie - This frazzled, smiling Barbie talks in her own baby-like voice and comes with an assortment of babies and toddlers, storybooks, toys, and a supply of disposable diapers. Be careful, however:
    on Sundays after church, all this one wants to do is sleep.
  • Organist Barbie - Has rimmed glasses and comes with her very own spiral-bound hymnal. Sits only--in position to play, with arms bent and fingers extended. Piano also available.
  • Chorister Barbie - right arm permanently raised to a moving square. Sings seven hymns. Batteries required.
  • Visiting Teaching Barbies - Sold in sets of two, this is a true collector's item as each set has its own recorded message. Comes with supply of message handouts and plates of birthday and Christmas cookies.
  • Stake Leader Barbie - comes with a voluminous set of mini-leadership manuals.
  • Salt Lake Leader Barbie- White hair in a hurricane hairdo!
  • Also available: Priesthood leader husband Ken who sits permanently asleep on the stand. Eyes do not open. Snores. Batteries required.

EDIT: Of course, after I post this, I learn that it's posted in roughly 429,000 other web sites around the planet. Eh, well. I thought it was clever, and apparently 428,999 other people think so too.

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Timpane's picture

HA!

Ha ha,

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha , ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha? Ha ha. Ha HA HA!
Ha ha ha ha ha..

1: Ha ha ha
2: Ha, ha ha, ha..haha
3: Ha ha.

Ha ha ha:
Ha.

NVZ: NINJAS VS ZOMBIES - THE MOVIE - www.nvzmovie.com
THE OFFICIAL JUSTIN TIMPANE WEBSITE - www.timpane.com

matthew's picture

I read this to my wife...

I read this little thing to my wife, and she thought the Primary President having no hair was particularly appropriate (in case you don't get it, she pulls it out). Christy was PP for quite some time.

The other thing she thought was telling was the fact that, although the Relief Society Presidency comes in sets of three, the neglected Primary President, who is also supposed to have two counselors to help out, was all alone. She was without counselors for a very long time...

--
Matthew P. Barnson

--
Matthew P. Barnson

Mormon Barbie: Number of posts.

Cheer up! It might be 429,000 overall, but acc'g to Google, it's only available 11,900 other places on the www.