Right To A Hot Shower

Sammy G's picture

Last week while waiting for a flight I was rummaging through magazines at an airport newsstand. Like most people afraid of imperiling their intelligence while reading the national news weeklies, I flip past the full-page color ads. I intentionally ignore since most ads are for some drug I won't have to take for 30 years or some truck I would never drive even if under the influence of those drugs.

However, one ad demanded my attention. It compelled me to stop and gaze. I couldn't believe it.

There was Ed McMahon in his wrinkled smile and his bulging eyeglasses surrounded by pictures of other elders lounging in bathtubs. The tag line by Ed's face read, "Doesn’t everyone deserve the right to a hot shower?" Seriously. The ad was asking seniors to spend their precious pension dollars on upgrading their home plumbing to have "the right" to a fancy new bathtub or shower.

Given the election season, and the terrible, awful things still pestering the world, from war and genocide, to corruption and greed, to people misusing the word 'independent', to human conflict and suffering, there was one thought that coursed my mind:

PREACH ON, BROTHER ED!!!!!!!

I don't need much in life. I don't need a fancy car, or nice clothes or gold watch, or even a bed. I will happily sleep on six feet of cleared floor space. But damned if I'm not waking up in the morning and taking a hot shower. That's a natural right and I will fight for that right and there is nobody on Earth who will get between hot H2O and this body. Woe and pain comes to anyone who messes with my hot shower.

  • Wife Unit wants to run the clothes washer in the morning? NEGATORY.
    Wife Unit wants to run the dishwasher in the morning? NEGATORY.
    Wife Unit wants to take a 45-minute shower before me in the morning? NEGATORY.
  • If the founding fathers had hot water heaters in the revolutionary era, then they would have absolutely protected that right in the Constitution by specific mention. I'm surprised they didn't use their foresight to have a special Bill of Rights section, maybe the 9½ Amendment, carving out a special unenumerated right for the hot shower.

    The first time I was forced to take a cold shower was overseas, in southern Spain. I was slumming at a youth hostel to save money. I had no idea there were places in the world where hot showers had not been introduced. That was a disturbing experience. I still have disorders.

    Anyway, if Ed McMahon, or the folks behind that ad somehow find this blog entry, please respond and let me know how I can pledge my life to your cause by sending everything I own and running to your convent and basking in the hot waters of your glory.

    Comments

    Comment viewing options

    Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
    christy's picture

    Here Here!

    Well said. About those disorders from your cold shower in Spain, in 3 years I'll have my Master's Degree in Mental Health Counseling. I'll fly over and help you through those problems!

    Grad school, here I come!--

    Christy

    --

    Christy