Adult Panda Movies

Sammy G's picture

I am thankful for the opportunity to comment before "The Daily Show" writing team discovers this and turns it into the top story for the next year.

Can someone please tell me why we are paying our scientist teams high salaries? For years we have been hearing about panda extinction, and responding by giving money to the National Zoo so they could continue research on how to save the panda. We read about the fights between China and the U.S. for the right to house and study the remaining pandas.

http://tinyurl.com/y6wwdk

I don't want to claim our world's best Ursidae-ists are morons...okay, yes, I do. I could have come up with this solution about 4 hours into the job. No doubt. I would have listened to the problem and said, 'Get me a video camera and my bass guitar.' They wouldn't have even had to pay me extra for scoring the soundtrack.

What's hilarious is reading that these scientists are STILL clueless as how to get the action going in the wild. Are these scientists complete and total losers? Get me a rugged jeep with huge speakers set on top, some Sade CDs, and we will have a rolling safari broadcasting the sounds of the jungle to the pandas in the wild. I don't care to which Kingdom or Phylum you belong, nothing gets life forms in the mood like hearing their own kind grunting and sweating mixed in with the opening of "Sweetest Taboo."

In closing, as your chief Adult Panda Movie executive, I will do my best to trumpet the non-discriminatory underpinnings of the multi-racial trysts ('The Pandas don't care if it's black or white'), while ensuring subtitles relate to both sides of the Pacific ('spank it raw.')

Thank you.

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weed's picture

As Vice-President in charge of Ice-Breaking

I will be assisting Mr. Graber in promoting panda passions by accompanying the panda pr0n with the proper mind-altering substances. We'll start the proceedings off with a little Chardonnay or a martini. Jack and cokes will follow as well as vodka tonics. If the pandas aren't sneaking off to the bushes after the panda porn and libations, then we'll move to a little E and freaky techno music.

We'll also be dressing up the male pandas as rock stars, actors, and professional athletes, with accompanying gold-plated bamboo trees.

Get yer panda on
Weed

My $.02
Weed

matthew's picture

I like... uhh... pie?

I think it's funny that my children's "National Geographic Explorer" article discusses all the pandas born all over the world and considers it 'remarkable'...

...yet they fail to remark on why these pandas are getting their freak on.

Panda Porn. Does putting together those movie clips qualify as one of the worst jobs ever?

--
Matthew P. Barnson

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Matthew P. Barnson

Timpane's picture

Heh..

I should put the words "Adult" and "Movies" in all my posts.. look at the >6000 reads!

Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website
Music, Acting, and More!
www.timpane.com

NVZ: NINJAS VS ZOMBIES - THE MOVIE - www.nvzmovie.com
THE OFFICIAL JUSTIN TIMPANE WEBSITE - www.timpane.com

matthew's picture

Ongoing joke...

It's an ongoing joke amongst some friends that this post has been the most-read post on this site for the past month. It looks like Tony Dungee petered out, Firefly's Chinese Swear Words took the money shot in first, and Adult Panda Movies is up and coming soon...

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Matthew P. Barnson

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Matthew P. Barnson

Sammy G's picture

What They Want

I know what the public wants. :)

matthew's picture

This guy got it...

I guess it's true... These guys got it right.

(Note: Google video. Audio not safe for work, use headphones.)

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Matthew P. Barnson

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Matthew P. Barnson

matthew's picture

As an aside...

As an aside, the searched-for term which ends up hitting here is "Panda Movies". Not so much the adult bit. Apparently, though, the term "Panda" has some sort of homoerotic context. I have not explored further to figure out exactly what it is :)

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Matthew P. Barnson

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Matthew P. Barnson

weed's picture

Still going at it

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070327/ap_on_sc/odd_panda_porn;_ylt=AoH1ZWY...

The highlights:

The male panda watching the movies seems to have no reaction.

They have kept the male and female pandas separated for months to "spark the romance".

They put the male panda on a diet because he was "too fat to mate".

The are follow-ups to each sentence that are begging to be made, but I have chosen to leave that as an exercise for the reader ;)

My $.02
Weed

My $.02
Weed

matthew's picture

Now "coming" up on...

This post is now coming up on 44,000 views. And, sadly, as a result of looking at some of the referrer logs, I have learned what people are actually looking for when the put "adult panda movies" into their search bar...

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Matthew P. Barnson

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Matthew P. Barnson

Timpane's picture

This I have to know...

as I said..

Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website
Music, Acting, and More!
www.timpane.com

NVZ: NINJAS VS ZOMBIES - THE MOVIE - www.nvzmovie.com
THE OFFICIAL JUSTIN TIMPANE WEBSITE - www.timpane.com

matthew's picture

Asian Bear

In the usual Barnson.org tradition, since we want to remain family-friendly, I'll give you the answer via innuendo.

The word "bear" is used in some US sub-cultures to refer to a very large, usually hairy, gay man.

A Panda, as everyone knows, is a variety of Asian bear.

You figure out the rest.

Oh, and there are plenty of hits for just "Panda Movies", too. I feel just as sorry for the kids searching for that term as I do for the poor secretary at work one day who decided to do a search for a new "job"...

--
Matthew P. Barnson

--
Matthew P. Barnson

matthew's picture

Wow...

As of today, 203,271 reads.

Holy freak-on.

--
Matthew P. Barnson

matthew's picture

Abuse, shutting down thread

Due to abuse by Indian spammers, I'm shutting down any further comments on this thread.

Lousy spammers. Apparently, the fact this ranks like #1 or #2 for "Adult Panda Movies" on Google makes them think it's a great place to link their wares...

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Matthew P. Barnson