I am thankful for the opportunity to comment before "The Daily Show" writing team discovers this and turns it into the top story for the next year.
Can someone please tell me why we are paying our scientist teams high salaries? For years we have been hearing about panda extinction, and responding by giving money to the National Zoo so they could continue research on how to save the panda. We read about the fights between China and the U.S. for the right to house and study the remaining pandas.
I don't want to claim our world's best Ursidae-ists are morons...okay, yes, I do. I could have come up with this solution about 4 hours into the job. No doubt. I would have listened to the problem and said, 'Get me a video camera and my bass guitar.' They wouldn't have even had to pay me extra for scoring the soundtrack.
What's hilarious is reading that these scientists are STILL clueless as how to get the action going in the wild. Are these scientists complete and total losers? Get me a rugged jeep with huge speakers set on top, some Sade CDs, and we will have a rolling safari broadcasting the sounds of the jungle to the pandas in the wild. I don't care to which Kingdom or Phylum you belong, nothing gets life forms in the mood like hearing their own kind grunting and sweating mixed in with the opening of "Sweetest Taboo."
In closing, as your chief Adult Panda Movie executive, I will do my best to trumpet the non-discriminatory underpinnings of the multi-racial trysts ('The Pandas don't care if it's black or white'), while ensuring subtitles relate to both sides of the Pacific ('spank it raw.')