The Eavesdropping

matthew's picture

Ever heard something absolutely funny, cute, or disgusting said by someone near you who probably doesn't realize the humor of what was just said? Yeah, me too, all the time. Like this gem:

Five-year-old: I'm taking a break.
Young librarian: What are you taking a break from?
Five-year-old: ... The world.

Sure, it's kind of lame. But this one's funnier:

Receptionist: Thank you for calling ABC Company*. How may I assist you?
Caller: Is Bob, Tom, or Larry available?
Receptionist: Yes, sir, all three are available. Do you have a preference?
Caller: Sexual?
Receptionist: [Long, awkward silence.] No, sir, I meant do you have a preference for who you'd like to speak to?
Caller: Um... Just pick whoever's cutest and makes more money.
Receptionist: Ummm... Okay... It's a pleasure to connect you...

Here's one of my faves, because it involves the affectionate, insulting nickname of a friend of mine:

Woman: ...And I love him. But last night I was so embarrased -- I farted while we were making love.
Girl: Ew! That's so gross, you did not fart.
Woman: What the hell do you mean?
Girl: You queefed, okay?

More entertainment...

Girl: So, I'm really scared because I got jury duty. I don't want to be in the same room as a criminal.
Paralegal: Well, maybe they're not a criminal. That's the point of jury duty.
Girl: But... aren't they guilty if they were arrested? I mean, the police don't just go around arresting people if they're innocent.

Dad's friend: So, your daughter turns 34 tomorrow?
Dad: Yeah, I sent her a card.
Dad's friend: What does it say?
Dad: 'Happy Birthday, Sweetie. You've finally grown into your bra size.'

They're Still Working Out the Details at Homeland Security...

Jeff: Liz, can you come here?
Liz: Are you going to fire me?
Jeff: I can't -- you're my supervisor.
Liz: What? No, I'm not. You're my supervisor.
Jeff: ...But if I'm your supervisor, and you're my supervisor, which one of us is really in charge?
Liz: That depends... If it's you, are you going to fire me?
Jeff: No.
Liz: Then it's you.
Jeff: Awesome.

There's a good reason, I'm sure... I just don't know what it is...

Female customer #1: They have lotion in the women's bathroom that is phenomenal.
Female customer #2: There was a line for the women's room, so the owner let me use the men's room when nobody was in it. They didn't have any lotion in there.
Man: There's probably a good reason for that.

That's a good business plan

CFO: Our budget has been balanced the last few years because of unpaid maternity leaves, and we are working that into our models for coming years.
Committee member: So our financial solvency is based on people in the company having sex?
CFO: Basically.

You can find these gems and more over at Overheard In the Office. I can't believe I've gone my whole life without seeing this site before.

Then again, you can get through much of the good stuff in about 20 minutes.

WARNING: Safe for work, but does contain some vulgar references and occasional swearing. Just like my office.