The Inevitable

matthew's picture

I plopped down in my usual chair in the bedroom and fired up the computer right after work, ready to do some blogging and catch up on some email. Christy walked in.

"I just got off the phone with your mother," she said.

"Oh, how are things? I think she likes you more than me, you know," I replied with a wide smile.

"She does," Christy replied candidly. "But she and your stepfather saw the doctor today. The news is not good."

My smile faded a little.

I had been expecting this for quite a while. The fact is, my stepfather's cancer was of a type and severity which results in around a 75% to 85% mortality rate in short order. Expecting it, however, is not the same thing as talking about it.

"What did the doc say?" I asked.

"That the chemotherapy is having no effect. Without a substantial reduction in size, the cancer is inoperable. And that perhaps they should start traveling and doing the things they always wanted to do together."

"Oh. That sucks."


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Curtis's picture


not for nothing matt, but I will mention him in my prayers

Timpane's picture


That sucks a lot.
Dennis and I knocked horns once or twice in the summer I lived in your house.. but he was kind enough to let me be there, and in a way, he and your Mom will always be family.

Please pass on my well-wishes.. and I hope they have a beautiful time while they can.

Dammit.. that really sucks.

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JB's picture


I read this earlier today. I have been trying to craft the words to express my feelings other than just saying 'wow that sucks'. I haven't been able to find anything better though. Your family was always like my second family. I remember calling your mom 'mom' and know you had the same relationship with mine. Sorry to hear about the news. I wish you the best and my thoughts will be with your mom & stepdad through this rough time.

As always, I am only a call away.

weed's picture

Go See Him

Having never met you step-father but recently losing mine to cancer, make sure you go see him and go see him soon. Make sure you give yourself and your family some good memories to keep of him, because before long your step-father's condition won't be pretty. The thing about cancer is that it's not a nice way to die, but it does give the family some time to prepare.

Be prepared for the inevitable questions and issues with your children.

And be prepared to feel emotions you expect, as well as those you don't. Let them out, because they'll come out eventually, and you heal quicker and better if you don't fight them. And any emotion you feel is valid, there's no guilt to be had. I felt anger at my dad, anger at my mom, and even giddiness from the emotional overload.

And most of all, be there for your mom. However hard it hits you, it'll hit her 100 times worse.

Sorry for the lack of emotional support, but I feel like I do more good to give you advice on what'll happen. But hang in there, life is a sexually transmitted disease which is 100% fatal, so we all go through it, and we all get through it.

My $.02

My $.02

christy's picture

Thank you all for your concern.

Weed, you are so right.

We do go see them on a regular basis, nearly weekly. They're only an hour away so we figure we can help out with whatever they might need. The new meds are really taking a toll on Dennis and of course in turn, Shirley.

Dennis has been an awesome grandpa to our kids. I do hope they'll remember him for that. In the meantime, we're all doing whatever we can to help out with whatever they need.--