Children and support

Teresa's picture

Ok, I am going to rant a little bit.

I have a friend of mine that I have known for 17 years. She was married young had children very young. Was abused young. Was divorced young. She came through all of that a better woman. What gets me, though, is that she has done everything right. She has tried to put aside her anger for the betterment of her children. Work with the father for their sake. Has gone through all of the proper channels in court.

My problem lies with the system.

This man owes her $16,500 and next month that goes up another $300. Yet the state of Va. and Md. still do nothing about it. They continue to let this man accuse her of everything imaginable, including having sex in front of her children.


Yet they do nothing but have a paper trail tied up in child support enforcement. Judges keep telling him he needs to pay but nothing ever gets done about it. Now she has tried to have his taxes garnished but, because he owns his own business that owes the Federal goverment money, they get theirs first. This woman lives at home with her mother. She's unable to better her family financially, yet he gets to own his own business. It has been 4 and half years since their divorce, and he has never helped with any part of his children in that time. Solely because they live with her.

How can anyone deny their responsiblilty to their children. So what if you're bitter towards your ex? Just don't use your children to have a fight with them.

There comes a time that you just have to grow up. You don't have to like the other person. Just try to get along enough so your children don't end up on antidepressants and suicidal because of it. Like the case of my friend's 13 year-old son. Because of his father, who blames it on a mother who is distraught over this.

When will people think of the children? Hopefully before it is too late.

EDIT by matthew: Line breaks, formatting, tpyo fixes. "Their" is possessive. "They're" is "they are". "There" is a location. "You're" is "you are", while "your" is possessive. You're not alone in having troubles with your possessive pronouns; they're difficult to remember, even when their definitions are right there in your dictionary!


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Timpane's picture


I, like many, empathize, and in my case, really understand your fury over these situations. There isn't much to add.. I just really really agree with you.


Andrea's picture

The same boat

Without going into too much detail, I am in the same boat. I have been fighting with my ex-husband for years about child support. He doesn't work and therefore refuses to pay. He thinks I am money hungry because I need the support to raise my only child. My daughter went to the hospital 3 times since the end of September until the middle of November. I have 3 bills that I am paying on that my insurance didn't cover. The only time I hear from him or he speaks to Genna is when the are after him. He promises me that he will do better and work but then I get nothing. Or I get a check for $200 and then nothing for 2 years.

I live in Maryland and even though they say the do everything possible but they forgot two letters, IMpossible.

What my ex doesn't understand is that I am raising her on my own. Every penny goes to making sure she is healthy and happy. I would give more if I could but I can't. I made sure she has a house, food on the table, and clothes on her back. She goes to the best school in Frederick. All I am asking is for him to show responsibility. If we were still together and he worked, he would have to contribute. What is the difference now that we are apart. He still needs to contribute.

I will get off my soap box now. I am a big advocate for child support and the problems with it. I am working with my neighbor to get started on her process. She feels that she should only ask for half of her daycare. It is so much more than that.

Ok, I am finished ranting and raving for now.

Curtis's picture

child support

So Andrea,

I am curious is it all about money with you? Not that that's a bad thing, I am a full time student, and as you know have a little girl, and her mother and I are going thru a divorce. I am unemployed, but working on becoming employable, all my off time I contribute to helping care for my daughter, in other words changing, feedings, just minding the store so to speak while her mother works. When I do get money I help when and where I can. You have made me feel bad, because I do not contribute much to the financial stability of my child, tho I am trying to better myself so I can. I do however contribute to her emotional well being, or try to. So I was wondering if your ex was actively involved with helping you raise the child, but was not able to help financially, would you feel a bit better?

Your friend ( I hope)

Andrea's picture

It isn't all about money

Curtis, money is just scratching the surface. The divorce from my ex-husband was not a nice thing. I left him because he didn't care anymore, amoung other stuff. I don't want to put too much of what happened here b/c I have to remember that Matt is my ex-husband's brother. I don't want to hash out what happened between us here. It might get ugly :oD. If you want details, I can email you separately.

It may seem that money all I care about and if you ask my ex, yes, to him that is all I care about. I want a good life for my daughter that is healthy, fun, and full of love and laughter. You can't do that when you loose your house and your car b/c you can't afford it anymore.

I am struggling to support my daughter. I worked two jobs, went to school so I can get paid more, and was a full time mother. I did this for about a year. I quit the part time job so I could be a better mother. I found out that I had to move out of the estate house that I lived in for free (as long as I kept it clean, etc) because my family was selling it.

Ok. now what do I do. I find out that that by the end of 2001 I didn't have a place for me and my daughter to live. I was at the end of my rope. I had maxed out all of my credit cards. I had been buying groceries on them, paying bills with them, etc. Thoughts of just going came in to my head. Without spelling it out, just 'leaving' and my insurance would take care of everything. But that would be stupid and shelfish of me to do that. There are betters ways around things. Plus I love my daughter too much.

With lots of tears and many prayers on my end, I found a house that I could buy. Paying a mortgage and paying daycare took most of my paychecks. But Genna had a place to live, etc.

Today, we are better but in my eyes, it takes two to make a baby and two to raise it. Whether it being fiancially or otherwise. But in my case, I do not want my ex-husband to help raise her. He had many opportunties to help out and without any details didn't. We also have NEVER agreed on religion. That is a whole novel to its own.

So once again, it isn't all about money. I love my daughter and I have spent all the money I have to raise her and it isn't fair for one person to do all of the spending.

Curtis, your case is different as it is with everyone else. You support your beautiful little girl in more ways that anyone can say. You help when you can and you probably have an open relationship with your soon to be ex-wife. My ex-husband lives about 1700 miles away from me and that is probably a good thing.

And don't worry Curtis, we are still friends. Nobody knows what another person has gone through to get them to the place that they are at. Matter of fact, send me your email and I can spell everything out for you. Once you read what I have been through the past 12 years, you will not feel bad anymore. You seem to be a sweet person and you are doing a good thing for yourself and your baby will respect you for what you are doing now. She may not understand until she gets older, but she will. So don't feel bad. You are being a wonderful dad!!

Your friend, Andrea