Pet peeves

matthew's picture

I have a lot of pet peeves. It's just the way I am. Usually, I don't let it get to me and just kind of grin and bear it, but tonight, I need to vent. Don't know why. Just feeling snippy.

My Biggest Pet Peeves (today):

  1. People who can see that I'm very busily involved in something, and think that whatever they want me to do is obviously far more important than whatever I'm doing.
  2. Web pages where they take the mouse focus away from you. If I type something in on the address bar, that cursor is supposed to STAY THERE, not move to some random search box on the page. I'm talking to YOU, AMAZON, MSN, DICTIONARY.COM and EBAY! Die! Die! Die! Vicious Mouse-Cursor-kidnappers of vile fame! When I click on a box on the page, my mouse cursor should stay where I clicked. You shouldn't randomly delete what I've typed and move my mouse to some other box on the page.
  3. Animals that run out in front of my car when I'm going way too fast to avoid them. I realize that, over the long term, this kind of behavior will be weeded out of the gene pool by evolution, but in the meantime I'm the one that's upset because some CUTE, FLUFFY WHITE KITTEN decided to LEAP OUT in FRONT OF ME when I'm driving seventy-five miles an hour. It's now the FLUFFY WHITE TUFTED CHUNKS OF CUTE KITTENY GOODNESS permanently glued to the inside of my wheel well. I have a pet cat. Dangit, cats, get some web access and read these blogs and stop jumping out in front of my car!
  4. Bottled water that says "A product of the Cincinnati municipal water system". DUDE! If I wanted to drink your FLAMING SEWER WATER, I'd have DRIVEN TO CINCINNATI and STUCK MY HEAD IN YOUR TOILET!
  5. Bunnies. Bunnies are evil. Anya was right. Neighbor bought some bunnies. Evil, evil, evil.
  6. How come when you buy a CASE OF ORANGES, a third of them are ROTTING by the time you GET THEM HOME? I bought a CASE of oranges, thank you very much, not two-thirds of a case of oranges and one-third of a case of DR. CITRUS' RANCID FRUIT SCENT.
  7. The feet on my laptop. I paid for SIX RUBBER FEET on this $1,600 laptop, and ONLY ONE IS LEFT. I'm typing on a laptop with only ONE RUBBER LEG. If I wanted to type while on a pogo stick, I'd have bought some of those ENLARGEMENT PILLS I keep reading about in my EMAIL.
  8. "Dell technical support; my name is Sennacharukharamasra, but you can call me Shirley. What may I be doing for you today?" You're name AIN'T SHIRLEY, SHIRLEY! You're working in an IT SWEATSHOP in INDIA for 4000 BUCKS A YEAR. Just cause the drink is yellow don't make it lemonade, Shirley!
  9. THE NEEDFUL.
  10. Rice cakes. WTF??? Who's BRILLIANT idea was this, to make a HALF-DOZEN GRAINS OF RICE EXPLODE and then press-form it into a HOCKEY PUCK?
  11. Lactose intolerance. What's up with this? I hit thirty, and suddenly I'm Dr. Barnson's FART-O-RAMA just because I drank 8 ounces of two-percent?
  12. Energy drinks. Most of them DON'T WORK. You chug down the equivalent of Lake Erie in a can, with the promise of BOUNDLESS ENERGY and ENTHUSIASM, and all you get in exchange is a lighter wallet and FORTY TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM. You're just as tired as before, and the only thing keeping you awake is the BOUNDLESS PRESSURE ON YOUR BLADDER.
  13. Mice. Damned mice. A whole storage room swept clean. Several traps out, laden with peanut butter. The critters manage to scale the equivalent of the EMPIRE STATE BUILDING to chew a hole in your OATMEAL and live like kings until they DIE OF OBESITY. The peanut butter is UNTOUCHED, and I open the door of my storage room to find a hundred pounds of oatmeal on the floor, with little baby obese mice erecting a STATUE in honor of their DEPARTED FATHER who OPENED THE BAG.
  14. Idiots at my flying field. What my PARKED CAR isn't an indicator that you shouldn't FLY CLOSE ENOUGH TO KNOCK MY CAP OFF? Isn't four thousand feet of runway room enough for you to HOT DOG? You've gotta spoil my fun and DRIVE ME OFF THE FIELD because you can't figure out how to fly your plane safely?
  15. Neighbors who want you to sign an agreement INDEMNIFYING THEM AGAINST POTENTIAL LAWSUITS before they'll let your KIDS PLAY TOGETHER. Dude!

I'm done. I'm not mad anymore, I made myself laugh. What are your pet peeves today?

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daniel's picture

Lawsuits?

Is #15 for real? That's a blog entry in itself, except for the fact that it might bring a defamation suit.

JB's picture

Don't mind me...

Small people (In this instance a woman) Driving a SUV / Land-yacht (Ford Excursion) that looks like it needs it's own area code while applying make-up and reading her black berry doing 65 on the highway.

Why yes, it appears all the lanes do belong to her (I wasn't driving there anyways :-) .)

Sammy G's picture

#15 Is Way For Real

A woman with whom I worked in D.C. made her neighbors sign liability release forms. The forms were to protect my coworker and her husband (LITIGANT A) in the event that the neighborhood kids:

-Fell and hurt themselves on LITIGANT A driveway
-Fell into and drowned in LITIGANT A pool
-Walked into an open door and hurt themselves anywhere inside LITIGANT A property

She was hard-core about getting everyone to sign. I surmised that the rationale behind the form was because my coworker did not like kids and didn't want to associate with the neighbors. The waiver form was a way to make themselves personas non gratas in the neighborhood.

Ben's picture

Neat

After only a semester and a half of law school, I can assure you that such indemnification contracts are IN NO WAY enforceable.

For one thing, if she's negligent, she's negligent. Additionally there are special provisions for "child trespassers", which includes kids playing in your yard.

--
Ben

--
Ben

Sammy G's picture

Joey Can't Swim Here

Whatever, dude, with your fancy lawyer lingo. Keep Joey away from my pool. :)

weed's picture

Hee-hee

I'm just going to comment as opposed to making my own list:

1. People who can see that I'm very busily involved in something, and think that whatever they want me to do is obviously far more important than whatever I'm doing.

Amen, brother. In IT, their CAPS LOCK is much more important than your server recovery. I just had a woman call/email me about 10 times in the past two days about when I'd have a website rebuilt so she could do her progress reports. I kept telling her I'd let her know when I had them done, and she finally got the hint. Now I've had it done for about two hours now but haven't called her. If I was really mean, I'd take her off the access list so she might hear others have access but she can't.

2. Web pages where they take the mouse focus away from you. If I type something in on the address bar, that cursor is supposed to STAY THERE, not move to some random search box on the page. I'm talking to YOU, AMAZON, MSN, DICTIONARY.COM and EBAY! Die! Die! Die! Vicious Mouse-Cursor-kidnappers of vile fame! When I click on a box on the page, my mouse cursor should stay where I clicked. You shouldn't randomly delete what I've typed and move my mouse to some other box on the page.

Is this on page load, or when you hit Tab?

3. Animals that run out in front of my car when I'm going way too fast to avoid them. I realize that, over the long term, this kind of behavior will be weeded out of the gene pool by evolution, but in the meantime I'm the one that's upset because some CUTE, FLUFFY WHITE KITTEN decided to LEAP OUT in FRONT OF ME when I'm driving seventy-five miles an hour. It's now the FLUFFY WHITE TUFTED CHUNKS OF CUTE KITTENY GOODNESS permanently glued to the inside of my wheel well. I have a pet cat. Dangit, cats, get some web access and read these blogs and stop jumping out in front of my car!

I thought we discussed this in Gas Prices? Should we be driving 75, Matthew? ;)

4. Bottled water that says "A product of the Cincinnati municipal water system". DUDE! If I wanted to drink your FLAMING SEWER WATER, I'd have DRIVEN TO CINCINNATI and STUCK MY HEAD IN YOUR TOILET!

This really exists? It's economically viable? People buy it? I need product names! Matt, did you buy WKRP water too?

5. Bunnies. Bunnies are evil. Anya was right. Neighbor bought some bunnies. Evil, evil, evil.

Didn't we learn this in Monty Python and the Holy Grail? But then, why would God have an evil creature guard such a holy relic? Hmmm...

6. How come when you buy a CASE OF ORANGES, a third of them are ROTTING by the time you GET THEM HOME? I bought a CASE of oranges, thank you very much, not two-thirds of a case of oranges and one-third of a case of DR. CITRUS' RANCID FRUIT SCENT.

I'm sure they were 100% ripe when the case was packed. Maybe you're experiencing a byproduct of the current immigrant debate?

7. The feet on my laptop. I paid for SIX RUBBER FEET on this $1,600 laptop, and ONLY ONE IS LEFT. I'm typing on a laptop with only ONE RUBBER LEG. If I wanted to type while on a pogo stick, I'd have bought some of those ENLARGEMENT PILLS I keep reading about in my EMAIL.

The Blog Taxation Department would like you know that you will be taxed on TWO blog points, as you discussed laptop feet AND SPAM. Not getting by the tax that easy, Mr. Vi@gra!

8. "Dell technical support; my name is Sennacharukharamasra, but you can call me Shirley. What may I be doing for you today?" You're name AIN'T SHIRLEY, SHIRLEY! You're working in an IT SWEATSHOP in INDIA for 4000 BUCKS A YEAR. Just cause the drink is yellow don't make it lemonade, Shirley!

You don't get native speakers when you call Dell? Is this for home or business. We get native English speakers who can't help us when we call...

9. THE NEEDFUL.

As we're a small company, I've avoided this totally. Score 1 for Weed+Luck

10. Rice cakes. WTF??? Who's BRILLIANT idea was this, to make a HALF-DOZEN GRAINS OF RICE EXPLODE and then press-form it into a HOCKEY PUCK?

With enough sugar, anything tastes good.

11. Lactose intolerance. What's up with this? I hit thirty, and suddenly I'm Dr. Barnson's FART-O-RAMA just because I drank 8 ounces of two-percent?

Dude, I know it's your blog and all, I mean your name's on the website, but TMI!!!

12. Energy drinks. Most of them DON'T WORK. You chug down the equivalent of Lake Erie in a can, with the promise of BOUNDLESS ENERGY and ENTHUSIASM, and all you get in exchange is a lighter wallet and FORTY TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM. You're just as tired as before, and the only thing keeping you awake is the BOUNDLESS PRESSURE ON YOUR BLADDER.

Hey, it promises to keep you active, and walking back and forth to the bathroom is activity!

13. Mice. Damned mice. A whole storage room swept clean. Several traps out, laden with peanut butter. The critters manage to scale the equivalent of the EMPIRE STATE BUILDING to chew a hole in your OATMEAL and live like kings until they DIE OF OBESITY. The peanut butter is UNTOUCHED, and I open the door of my storage room to find a hundred pounds of oatmeal on the floor, with little baby obese mice erecting a STATUE in honor of their DEPARTED FATHER who OPENED THE BAG.

I made the mistake when I moved into the woods of stacking straw on the side of my garage about 4 bales high, then putting bags of grass seed on top. I was going to get around to spreading it, but then winter came. All I managed to do was make a Mouse Hilton, with the straw, warmth from the house, and grass seed. What more could Mickey want? Unfortunately, they weren't as smart as those NIMH mice you seem to have in Utah and they fell prey to the mousetrap.

14. Idiots at my flying field. What my PARKED CAR isn't an indicator that you shouldn't FLY CLOSE ENOUGH TO KNOCK MY CAP OFF? Isn't four thousand feet of runway room enough for you to HOT DOG? You've gotta spoil my fun and DRIVE ME OFF THE FIELD because you can't figure out how to fly your plane safely?

Seems to me you should play Red Baron to their Snoopy. Can't you put a tank on your airplane with rancid orange juice and spray it next to rude airplane pilots?

15. Neighbors who want you to sign an agreement INDEMNIFYING THEM AGAINST POTENTIAL LAWSUITS before they'll let your KIDS PLAY TOGETHER. Dude!

Does this neighbor have a dog? If so, buy a dog whistle, and when you're up at night because you work swing shift, have fun!

My $.02
Weed

My $.02
Weed

weed's picture

Oh, and this one

When I get involved in a blog and make some posts and then no one visits the damn blog for 6 weeks!!!

So I'm a junkie, is that a bad thing? Guys?

Guys....?

Aw,
My $.02
Weed

My $.02
Weed

Ben's picture

You have a pool?

Dude, I'll be right over!

In other news, while The Needful may indeed blow, Needful Things was awesome.

--
Ben

--
Ben

Sammy G's picture

Max von Sydow

Anything with Max von Sydow rules.

Timpane's picture

Hee hee

A point of pride is the day I hung out with Von Sydow..
Why drop than name instead of others..
Because of all the celebs I've worked with, he is one of the nicest and funniest, while still maintaining a larger than life persona.

Cool guy.

Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website
Music, Acting, and More!
www.timpane.com

NVZ: NINJAS VS ZOMBIES - THE MOVIE - www.nvzmovie.com
THE OFFICIAL JUSTIN TIMPANE WEBSITE - www.timpane.com

matthew's picture

Stuff comes...

As you well know, Weed, this stuff comes in spurts.

OK, another item for my list. DOUBLE ENTENDRES! My words should have one meaning, and one meaning only. Of course, these do.

--
Matthew P. Barnson

--
Matthew P. Barnson

matthew's picture

Answers...

Is this on page load, or when you hit Tab?

Go to Dictionary.com. While it is loading, select the text entry box at the top and start typing. After a few seconds, it resets your cursor to the start of the entry and deletes what you've written. It's like I'm looking for CUTLASS and it thinks I'm just looking for a piece of <censored>.

I thought we discussed this in Gas Prices? Should we be driving 75, Matthew? ;)

Do as I say, not as I do.

Dude, I know it's your blog and all, I mean your name's on the website, but TMI!!!

If comedy doesn't make you cringe at least a little bit, is it really comedy?

Does this neighbor have a dog? If so, buy a dog whistle, and when you're up at night because you work swing shift, have fun!

Best idea I've read in weeks! Unfortunately, we're surrounded by dogs on all sides of our house (we're the only ones without a dog), so I suspect the net effect would be something straight out of a Disney cartoon.

--
Matthew P. Barnson

--
Matthew P. Barnson

matthew's picture

Not precisely...

Is #15 for real?

I exagerrated a bit. My kid wanted to play at their house with their son, and because they have a trampoline, they sent him back and told him I had to sign a release form before he could play at their house. It's been two years since it happened, actually. Still bothers me that this neighbor, whom I like, thought so little of me as to insist on something like this.

--
Matthew P. Barnson

--
Matthew P. Barnson

matthew's picture

Poking along...

You know, I felt morally superior to this woman you described. That is, until yesterday morning, when I called Sprint PCS advanced technical support for an issue with my new smartphone.

I realized that I was taking notes on my phone while driving 75MPH, and I was wandering all over the place. I cut the call short, and the representative told me "Sir, please don't take this personally, but it's probably not the safest idea to attempt to troubleshoot your device while driving."

Tell me about it! I'm a moron...

--
Matthew P. Barnson

--
Matthew P. Barnson

matthew's picture

NIMH

Unfortunately, they weren't as smart as those NIMH mice you seem to have in Utah and they fell prey to the mousetrap.

Actually, I believe the NIH is in Gaithersburg, MD... close to where you live, incidentally.

Here in Tooele, UT, it's the "Deseret Chemical Depot". Five miles south of my house is the world's largest chemical weapons incineration facility. There are alarm sirens all over the county to alert us to evacuate in case of an explosion or leak. They mostly get used to call the local volunteer fire department.

Regardless, some funny stuff in our county. Abnormally high cancer rates, due to lead in the soil in the town just south of us. That town was downstream for tailings from silver mining, and became a massive EPA Superfund site. Or the place I like to fly at.. it's a 200 foot-high cliff made out of slag from an old mining operation.

I got to watch a helicopter land just a few feet behind me on the mesa the other day. A dude stepped out, waved, and then got into the passenger side of a white Honda parked there, kissed the lady driver, and drove off together. What a way to commute!

Which brings up my last pet peeve:

I'M NOT RICH YET DARNIT!

I set a goal to own my own home by twenty-five, and succeeded. That's it. I want to have 2 million dollars in liquid assets by the time I'm forty-five.

--
Matthew P. Barnson

--
Matthew P. Barnson

weed's picture

Dude

NIMH...Secret of NIMH...supersmart mice save the field mice by moving their house to the lee of the stone? Children's book, animated movie?

THOSE mice ;)

Yeah, I live about a mile from not one but TWO ex-Superfund sites. One had some chemical plant dumping there and the other had the Navy bury some asbestos. They cleaned up the first one and it's now a nature park, and they're preparing to develop on the other.

Can I buy stock in myself getting cancer, and at least get paid for correctly calling it?

My $.02
Weed

My $.02
Weed