Month: November 2006

So there I was today eating my lunch in the local diner watching the local news when I had a celebrity Sighting. A commercial came on for Senate Pest Control service. The scruffy guy sitting in his kitchen looks like a well know Barnsonian – Mr. Justin Timpane.

Is it true Justin, or is there another who looks like a dead ringer for you?

Yeah. This commercial only makes sense if you’re in Utah, and this kind of thing happens way more often than you’d think!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZrSZvABT58k&mode=related&search=

I just couldn’t pass this up:

Losin’ It: A Star Wars virgin sits through all six episodes of Star Wars.

About episode one, he opines, “The movie comes off as childish and vague, and the script is notably weak. But this is my first time, and nobody’s first time is perfect; there would inevitably be some bumps along the road.”

About all the episodes and how they hang together, “The worlds that Lucas created are certainly magical and wondrous. Thanks to the digital updates, the flow between the two trilogies was surprisingly seamless…”

Kinda’ fun to read the experience of someone who’s never seen the movies. Growing up with them, I didn’t expect some of his reactions, particularly regarding the shrinking size of the galaxy as the movie progressed.

And, of course, there’s commentary for this story on Slashdot.

I am normally not a fan of forwards, but I had to share these doozies.

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted….”Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked up at the sky and said…”where???”

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real-estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?” When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff.”

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific” . .

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but “didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving”.

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk…

My friends and I were on a Pepsi run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount….

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, “Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head?” I had to explain that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned…

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

Scary. In keeping with the theme, for your diversion pleasure, I present “Stupid People Pages” in case you didn’t get enough of it from this entry today…

For those of you buried under a rock for the past two years, Guitar Hero and Guitar Hero 2 are taking the console video gaming world by storm much like Dance Dance Revolution did half a decade ago. What’s funny is that real-world rockers are, according to this Wall Street Journal article, spending massive amounts of time playing the game themselves. “Many professional rockers … say the game lets them act out a fantasy that their real lives don’t quite match. Sometimes, pretending to be a rock star for a few minutes can be more fun than being one.”

Other neat excerpts:

Michael Einziger, the 30-year-old guitarist for the hard-rock band Incubus, says he was “shocked at how hard it was” to play the videogame’s version of his song “Stellar.” He admits he was handily beaten by his then-14-year-old sister, Ruby Aldridge, when the two of them squared off earlier this year.

When the four members of the punk-pop band the Donnas got together to play Guitar Hero last week, guitarist Allison Robertson took some good-natured ribbing from her bandmates, says drummer Torry Castellano. That’s because Ms. Robertson had a hard time playing along with the band’s own song “Take It Off.” “Expectations for her are pretty high because she’s the guitar player and because she’s so good at videogames in general,” says Ms. Castellano.

From http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/11/08/D8L8N2IG0.html. I suppose she’d be a good candidate for the Darwin Award if she hadn’t already passed childbearing age. Yeah, I know I sound crass, but I have a hard time feeling sympathy for people who died due to their own stupidity. Should I go in similar fashion, laugh at me, please!

A woman who was bitten by a snake at a church that neighbors say practices serpent handling died of her wounds hours later, a newspaper reported.

Linda Long, 48, was bitten Sunday at East London Holiness Church, where neighbors said the reptiles are handled as part of religious services, The Lexington Herald-Leader reported Tuesday.

Long died at University of Kentucky Medical Center about four hours after being bitten, authorities told the newspaper.

“She said she was bitten by a snake at her church,” said Lt. Ed Sizemore of the Laurel County Sheriff’s Office.

Handling reptiles as part of religious services is illegal in Kentucky. Snake handling is a misdemeanor and punishable by a $50 to $100 fine.

Police said they had not received any reports of snake handling at the church.

Snake handling is based on a passage in the Bible that says a sign of a true believer is the power to “take up serpents” without being harmed.

Church officials could not be reached for comment.

I don’t need to say that it’s a good day to be a Democrat.

As it stands currently, the Democrats gained 28 seats in the House of Representatives, giving them a majority in the House for the first time since 1994.

The Senate, which most Democrats considered a big long shot, is neck-and-neck at 49 seats apiece, and Democrats stand to take that over too, as they hold on to slim leads in Virginia and Montana.

But even if Democrats don’t take control of the Senate, this is a big victory for the Democrats, and a slap in the face to President Bush and the Republicans.

Some interesting facts about the results:

• Nancy Pelosi stands to be the first female Speaker of the House.
• Jim Webb, if elected in Virginia, would be the only member of the Senate with a child currently serving in the military in Iraq.
• Minnesota has elected the first Muslim member of Congress, Keith Ellison. (Way to go, Sammy G!)

Home

Turn it on again.

I’m working on travel plans to Europe.

Last week while waiting for a flight I was rummaging through magazines at an airport newsstand. Like most people afraid of imperiling their intelligence while reading the national news weeklies, I flip past the full-page color ads. I intentionally ignore since most ads are for some drug I won’t have to take for 30 years or some truck I would never drive even if under the influence of those drugs.

However, one ad demanded my attention. It compelled me to stop and gaze. I couldn’t believe it.

There was Ed McMahon in his wrinkled smile and his bulging eyeglasses surrounded by pictures of other elders lounging in bathtubs. The tag line by Ed’s face read, “Doesn’t everyone deserve the right to a hot shower?” Seriously. The ad was asking seniors to spend their precious pension dollars on upgrading their home plumbing to have “the right” to a fancy new bathtub or shower.

Given the election season, and the terrible, awful things still pestering the world, from war and genocide, to corruption and greed, to people misusing the word ‘independent’, to human conflict and suffering, there was one thought that coursed my mind:

PREACH ON, BROTHER ED!!!!!!!

I don’t need much in life. I don’t need a fancy car, or nice clothes or gold watch, or even a bed. I will happily sleep on six feet of cleared floor space. But damned if I’m not waking up in the morning and taking a hot shower. That’s a natural right and I will fight for that right and there is nobody on Earth who will get between hot H2O and this body. Woe and pain comes to anyone who messes with my hot shower.

Wife Unit wants to run the clothes washer in the morning? NEGATORY. Wife Unit wants to run the dishwasher in the morning? NEGATORY. Wife Unit wants to take a 45-minute shower before me in the morning? NEGATORY.

If the founding fathers had hot water heaters in the revolutionary era, then they would have absolutely protected that right in the Constitution by specific mention. I’m surprised they didn’t use their foresight to have a special Bill of Rights section, maybe the 9½ Amendment, carving out a special unenumerated right for the hot shower.

The first time I was forced to take a cold shower was overseas, in southern Spain. I was slumming at a youth hostel to save money. I had no idea there were places in the world where hot showers had not been introduced. That was a disturbing experience. I still have disorders.

Anyway, if Ed McMahon, or the folks behind that ad somehow find this blog entry, please respond and let me know how I can pledge my life to your cause by sending everything I own and running to your convent and basking in the hot waters of your glory.

Most of my friends know I’m into model aviation. And several of you have, or have had, cats.

Watch the results of a cat fighting a helicopter: Cat vs. The Helicopter