The Underground History of American Education

In light of the focus education has received on the blog this week, I was interested to find a new resource on the Web. It’s called the “Underground History of American Education“.

The book reaffirms several suspicions I’ve developed over the past twenty years:

  • Public education’s purpose is not so much to educate, but to build a controllable population.

In light of the focus education has received on the blog this week, I was interested to find a new resource on the Web. It’s called the “Underground History of American Education“.

The book reaffirms several suspicions I’ve developed over the past twenty years:

  • Public education’s purpose is not so much to educate, but to build a controllable population.
  • Children thrive best when given real responsibility for educating themselves out of necessity, not when chained to a desk doing busy-work with no real repercussions.
  • Parents are coerced to put their children into school. This has been mitigated somewhat over the past twenty years by the home-schooling revolution, but nevertheless you must school your child according to State standards or face jail time.
  • Independent thinkers and skeptics are not well-tolerated in the byzantine bureaucracy that is the public school.
  • US school systems are hopelessly anglo-centric, with only a polite nod to the rich history of Native Americans who were displaced by European immigrants or the other immigrant cultures… including Hispanic, which accounts for a huge minority of Americans.
  • Modern school systems are a breeding ground for pathological behavior.
  • Schools teach false dependency on arbitrary authority figures for actions which are normally an act of one’s own volition. Such as an outside authority being responsible for the timing of one’s toilet duties.
  • Our schools end up teaching that self-esteem isn’t something you acquire for yourself; it is granted by authority figures or by one’s peers. This builds a lifetime dependency on other people for one’s own self-esteem.

On the plus side, the author has provided the entire text online if you’re a cheapskate like me and prefer not to pay for your non-fiction 🙂 I’m only part-way through it, and other than a tendency for the author to see conspiracy where I see bureaucracy, it’s a reasonable read for a history book.

The Eavesdropping

Ever heard something absolutely funny, cute, or disgusting said by someone near you who probably doesn’t realize the humor of what was just said? Yeah, me too, all the time. Like this gem:

Five-year-old: I’m taking a break.
Young librarian: What are you taking a break from?
Five-year-old: … The world.

Sure, it’s kind of lame. But this one’s funnier:

Receptionist: Thank you for calling ABC Company*. How may I assist you?

Ever heard something absolutely funny, cute, or disgusting said by someone near you who probably doesn’t realize the humor of what was just said? Yeah, me too, all the time. Like this gem:

Five-year-old: I’m taking a break. Young librarian: What are you taking a break from? Five-year-old: … The world.

Sure, it’s kind of lame. But this one’s funnier:

Receptionist: Thank you for calling ABC Company*. How may I assist you? Caller: Is Bob, Tom, or Larry available? Receptionist: Yes, sir, all three are available. Do you have a preference? Caller: Sexual? Receptionist: [Long, awkward silence.] No, sir, I meant do you have a preference for who you’d like to speak to? Caller: Um… Just pick whoever’s cutest and makes more money. Receptionist: Ummm… Okay… It’s a pleasure to connect you…

Here’s one of my faves, because it involves the affectionate, insulting nickname of a friend of mine:

Woman: …And I love him. But last night I was so embarrased — I farted while we were making love. Girl: Ew! That’s so gross, you did not fart. Woman: What the hell do you mean? Girl: You queefed, okay?

More entertainment…

Girl: So, I’m really scared because I got jury duty. I don’t want to be in the same room as a criminal. Paralegal: Well, maybe they’re not a criminal. That’s the point of jury duty. Girl: But… aren’t they guilty if they were arrested? I mean, the police don’t just go around arresting people if they’re innocent.

Dad’s friend: So, your daughter turns 34 tomorrow? Dad: Yeah, I sent her a card. Dad’s friend: What does it say? Dad: ‘Happy Birthday, Sweetie. You’ve finally grown into your bra size.’

They’re Still Working Out the Details at Homeland Security…

Jeff: Liz, can you come here? Liz: Are you going to fire me? Jeff: I can’t — you’re my supervisor. Liz: What? No, I’m not. You’re my supervisor. Jeff: …But if I’m your supervisor, and you’re my supervisor, which one of us is really in charge? Liz: That depends… If it’s you, are you going to fire me? Jeff: No. Liz: Then it’s you. Jeff: Awesome.

There’s a good reason, I’m sure… I just don’t know what it is…

Female customer #1: They have lotion in the women’s bathroom that is phenomenal. Female customer #2: There was a line for the women’s room, so the owner let me use the men’s room when nobody was in it. They didn’t have any lotion in there. Man: There’s probably a good reason for that.

That’s a good business plan

CFO: Our budget has been balanced the last few years because of unpaid maternity leaves, and we are working that into our models for coming years. Committee member: So our financial solvency is based on people in the company having sex? CFO: Basically.

You can find these gems and more over at Overheard In the Office. I can’t believe I’ve gone my whole life without seeing this site before.

Then again, you can get through much of the good stuff in about 20 minutes.

WARNING: Safe for work, but does contain some vulgar references and occasional swearing. Just like my office.

The Long Detention

The Daylight Saving Time change claims another victim:

A fifteen-year old boy in America was incarcerated for twelve days, wrongly accused of making a hoax bomb threat – because his school had forgotten that the clocks had gone forward.

Twelve days in a lockup because they got the wrong guy. That is 10 days longer than the usual length of sentences handed down for DUI in Utah… if it ever even comes to trial.

The Daylight Saving Time change claims another victim:

A fifteen-year old boy in America was incarcerated for twelve days, wrongly accused of making a hoax bomb threat – because his school had forgotten that the clocks had gone forward.

Twelve days in a lockup because they got the wrong guy. That is 10 days longer than the usual length of sentences handed down for DUI in Utah… if it ever even comes to trial.

What would you do if you were incarcerated due to administrative incompetence regarding evidence?

The Worst US Mass Shooting

There were a lot of talk-radio-heads yesterday and today stating that the Virginia Tech Massacre is the “worst mass shooting in U.S. history”. Admittedly, it is horrific. In particular, the methodical way in which Cho Seung-Hui went about chaining all the doors shut during class in order to prevent escape is chilling. I cannot conceive how one person can be capable of such monumental evil.

I do not wish to trivialize the awful experience there, but the distinction of the “worst mass shooting in U.S. history” does not belong to yesterday’s incident. The worst civilian mass-shooting in US history belongs to the Mountain Meadows Massacre here in Utah.

There were a lot of talk-radio-heads yesterday and today stating that the Virginia Tech Massacre is the “worst mass shooting in U.S. history”. Admittedly, it is horrific. In particular, the methodical way in which Cho Seung-Hui went about chaining all the doors shut during class in order to prevent escape is chilling. I cannot conceive how one person can be capable of such monumental evil.

I do not wish to trivialize the awful experience there, but the distinction of the “worst mass shooting in U.S. history” does not belong to yesterday’s incident. The worst civilian mass-shooting in US history belongs to the Mountain Meadows Massacre here in Utah.

On the morning of September 11, 1857, the 137 members of the Fancher party, enroute to California from Arkansas, were detained by a lage party of local Mormon men and a handful of local Paiute Indians. The local militia leader, John D. Lee, explained that the local Mormons had arranged a treaty between the Paiutes and the Fancher party in exchange for the party giving up their guns and livestock to the Indians. There had been some conflict between these groups before resulting in injury to quite a few members of the party, and the Fancher party acquiesced to a request to surrender their arms and be escorted to the nearest town.

A mile from their campsite, the shouted order “Do your duty!” was called, and every male member of the Fancher party was executed by his accompanying Mormon escort. The remaining party members were summarily hunted down and shot by the attending Paiutes, all save seventeen children under the age of 8 who were spared. Their several hundred cattle and other possessions were taken and distributed to locals as booty from the “siege of Sebastopol”. Some surviving children later recounted that locals were seen wearing clothing from their dead parents.

Admittedly, this act was not as random as the Virginia Tech shooting. Tensions had been running high between the Utah Territory and the Federal Government. The governor, Brigham Young, had declared a state of emergency and asked the Saints to protect the Territory from invaders. Additionally, apostle Orson Pratt had recently been killed in Arkansas by the estranged husband of his most recent plural wife, and the Fancher party was rumored to be harboring the killer.

Regardless, 120 people were murdered in cold blood — by a gun (though some were bludgeoned to death rather than shot) — that September dawn. And knowing this fact causes me to shake my head and sigh at the posturing of US politicians arguing for or against gun control and other issues unrelated to this tragedy.

Gun violence, as demonstrated by the story above, has been with us our entire national history. Just four short years after the Mountain Meadows Massacre, we started fighting among ourselves with an ultimate body count of nearly 1 million people. We are capable of terrific cruelty to one another, made even worse when we think we are doing the right thing.

I’m not saying nothing should be done to prevent these kinds of tragedies, but pundits are missing the target. After the Mountain Meadows Massacre, the Territorial government realized that a position of aggressive defense would lead to more tragedy and death of this sort, and adopted a conciliatory stance in order to eventually progress toward statehood.

Similarly, some measures should be taken to directly address the risk of a lone madman going on a shooting spree in a school. But a widespread curtailing of the liberties of citizens, or expanding gun availability, is a stupid off-topic response. It’s colored by a political agenda which does nothing to solve the problem, but a lot to inflate the rhetoric surrounding this event.

The Liberty University Professor

An editorial came out this weekend which just bothered me to read, and I felt the need to discuss his arguments. I’m going to use the inline-quoting style which I prefer to use for many emails and blog entries, since that way I can quote the whole text under fair-use and also provide context to the reader.<--!break-->

America’s Christian principles

By Jim Ludington

Ludington is executive director of Arise America Ministries and an adjunct professor of history at Liberty University.

An editorial came out this weekend which just bothered me to read, and I felt the need to discuss his arguments. I’m going to use the inline-quoting style which I prefer to use for many emails and blog entries, since that way I can quote the whole text under fair-use and also provide context to the reader.<--!break-->

America’s Christian principles

By Jim Ludington

Ludington is executive director of Arise America Ministries and an adjunct professor of history at Liberty University.

There appears to be an ongoing discussion of late regarding the principles upon which America was established. Was our form of government a purely secular idea, sparked by the Enlightenment that influenced Europe and America in the century leading up to our independence? Or was it inspired by the principles of Christianity?

Ludington is setting up a straw-man of secularism right from the start. In addition, he has created a false dichotomy of choosing exclusively between Christianity and secularism, ignoring Deism and a host of other religious beliefs which do not match his evangelical outlook.

I submit there are few enterprises of mankind which are “purely” motivated by any single thing. Human beings have surprisingly complex motivations, which they are often likely to extol to you at length if you ask politely. Any argument which attempts to pigeonhole someone’s motivation as “purely” one thing or another immediately sets off the alarm bells on my internal BS-O-Meter.

Also, principles are often common to many causes. Most humans — secularists and Christians included — try to follow the “golden rule” in their dealings with other people. There is no need to choose between the two, as they have this principle in common. I will show in the coming paragraphs that, in those cases where Christian and Secular principles conflict, the Founding Fathers studiously avoided those choices which would favor a particular religion.

I’m a historian, whose graduate studies focused on the American colonies and the events and ideas that led to our independence and our success as a free people. In addition to teaching history, I’ve spent years investigating the concepts that developed into the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution — documents under which we still live.

Ludington here sets up an “appeal to authority”. The author is assuring his readers that he is competent enough with the topic at hand that they do not need to do the thinking for themselves on it. This has the added benefit of giving apologists another club with which to attack the character of those who disagree with Ludington’s bias. After all, if you are not a “historian”, or if your graduate studies did not include American colonial history, how can you possibly have any standing to argue his assertions?

To know what influenced the Founders, we need only to study the historical record. America’s history is extremely well documented, with many of the Founders’ speeches and letters carefully preserved. Books and online sources give us easy access to accurate information, yet there are some who seem determined to twist the facts to suit their own agenda.

Here is another cool little factoid: If you accuse your opponent of doing that of which you yourself are guilty, his rebuttals will sound hollow. It’s the grown-up version of the same “who started it?” blame-game played at first-grade recess around the world.

Rather than doing that, I will take the moderate approach. I maintain the founding fathers were strongly influenced both by their Christian upbringing, and by the wave of secular ethics which were gaining prominence at the time. They were not a homogeneous group, but a bunch of testy landowners with widely varying ideals some of whom could barely tolerate one another. It is possible to get a reasonably clear picture of the belief systems of the Founders, and that by focusing on just a few, you can create an extremely biased picture.

Some Founders were in favor of a kingdom. Some of state-supported religion. Some wanted an anarchy. Thomas Jefferson was clearly a Christian in name only, as he despised the Christian god and wrote privately regarding his distaste for religion as a whole. The only reliable resources we have here with such widely diverse opinions are the documents they crafted together. These best represent the final opinion, amidst such conflict and diversity, of basic ground rules they could agree on. Those ground rules were bitterly debated and hotly opposed by some factions. We are lucky that the solution we have works as well as it does today.

A recent letter to the editor, for example, told us that America’s founders wanted religion to be completely separate from government. The writer quoted James Madison as saying, “Religion and government will both exist in greater purity, the less they are mixed together.” The quote is accurate, but out of context and misinterpreted.

Madison was arguing against the establishment of a state church mandating one Christian denomination over the others, as Virginia had experienced under English law. He argued, “Religion, or the duty we owe to our Creator, and manner of discharging it, can be directed only by reason and conviction.” In other words, not by law. And Madison did believe that Christian principles were a necessary foundation for a self-governing people, writing in 1785, “Religion is the basis and foundation of government.”

Would Ludington agree that Mormonism is a form of Christianity? What about the Bahá’í Faith? If the bar for prevention of interference in religious affairs by government is drawn at Christianity, who, then, is the final arbiter of who is and is not a Christian? That’s right, the US government. In an age of $5,000 hammers and $1bn airplanes, do we really want a government functionary or political appointee made the guardian of Christian values?

Ludington appears to be purposefully conflating “religion” and “Christianity”, then asserting that those principles espoused by Madison are for Christianity and Christianity alone. One of the most common — but deeply flawed — forms of argument by someone desperate to support his position is to use a word in one sense when defining it, then to use it in another sense when supporting it in an argument. Ludington is attempting to rely on the very assertion he’s attempting to prove. He’s “begging the question” by shifting the meaning of a word.

I reject Ludington’s assertion that religion and Christianity were synonymous terms to Madison. While they may have only been tangentially aware of non-Christian religions, their words have far more universal application than the carefully neutered, qualified usage given above. Without implicit acceptance of Ludington’s assumption, the quote from the letter to the editor is entirely in context and correctly used.

Other founders, including those who had parsed and debated every phrase of the Constitution, held similar opinions. George Washington was a devout Christian who spoke so often about the need for our government to publicly honor God that many liberal-controlled public schools won’t allow students to read his speeches.

This paragraph is amazingly dense with unsupported assertions:

  1. that public schools are controlled by “liberals”.
  2. that “other founders” — unnamed — thought that “religion” and “Christianity” were synonyms
  3. that unnamed public schools won’t let students read George Washington’s speeches

I think Ludington would be surprised to learn, if the took the time to become familiar with a few, how conservative most school boards in the nation are. Without doing a district-by-district comparison, I think we’d find most are composed of fairly-elected, concerned parents who want to be involved in the education of their children, and they are very representative of the population as a whole. In many districts you’ll find several seats running uncontested. If Ludington disagrees with the Board composition, there’s a way to show it: at the polls. If school boards nationwide are overwhelmingly “liberal”, resulting in “liberal control” of schools, doesn’t that say that this is what we, as a nation, want from our schools?

I challenge Ludington to come up with two examples of public schools within the last year which have forbidden a child from reading George Washington’s speeches. If found to be true, I would then think that some investigation should be made into this phenomenon. Weird, isolated incidents happen occasionally which are held up as gold-standards of how our public schools are going to hell in a handbasket, but usually are overblown media frenzies, and I suspect this Liberty University professor fabricated this particular urban legend — that students are forbidden to read the speeches or writings of George Washington — out of whole cloth.

As I have already successfully fielded the assertion that Madison did not necessarily consider “religion” and “Christianity” to be synonymous, I see no need to address that myth, repeated again here in an attempt at persuasion ad nauseum.

Statements like “It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and the Bible,” or “Of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion and morality are indispensable supports,” are now considered “unconstitutional.” But Washington’s views agreed with many of the founders, who often indicated that self-government would not be possible without a Christian-based citizenry and culture.

This is a patently false allegation. Those statements are not unconstitutional, and never have been! Nor is it unconstitutional to believe such a thing. What is unconstitutional, however is to force those opinions on other people. Your right to believe and say what you wish is not abridged.

It’s useful to say that these are banned behaviors, though, if his purpose is to prop up the straw man at the heart of this essay. Beware the scary Secularists who would take away your right to say what you want! Why not start telling us atheists will kidnap your babies and eat them? That would be just as accurate as telling people that atheists would deny your right to free speech… when history has demonstrated that Secularists have the opposite goal in mind.

If one wants to point out public schools as an exception to that trend, think upon the fact that we coerce parents into forcing their children to attend public school, with associated jail time if a parent does not comply*. If there a public school teacher is given license to teach his religion as fact, we have in fact created a state-sanctioned religion in violation of the clear instructions of the Founding Fathers for government neutrality among religions.

(*Yes, I’m aware of the option of private and charter schools, and that if your child is enrolled in one of them, you will not go to jail for their truancy. The principle holds true for public schools: education through coercion.)

John Adams clearly articulated this idea when he wrote, “We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion…. Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”

Note Adams’ careful use of two words here: morality and religion. These terms are not exclusively owned by Christians. Nor is morality the exclusive domain of the religious.

Here’s an interesting fact: Atheists comprise approximately 12% of the U.S. population. Yet they comprise less than 1/2 of 1% of the U.S. prison population. To me, this is a very clear indicator that atheists, on the whole, have come to a system of ethics which is more obedient to the law than that of religionists. It is clear that Adams in his statement above was unaware of the possibility of reliable ethics outside of a religious framework.

Adams knew that men must be able to control their personal lives before they could be free and self-governing. He was convinced that only Christians, who knew their thoughts and actions would be judged by a just God, would have the necessary self-control.

However, he did not impress this point of view on the documents he helped author!

This is the critical difference, and the reason why the modern claim that America is a land of “Judeo-Christian values” is called into question. Yes, several Founders were obviously and publicly Christian. But they were scrupulous about keeping their private religious beliefs out of public governance policy. Our leaders today could learn from their fine example.

Ben Franklin’s beliefs, although not exactly evangelical, were formed by his early biblical training, and were revealed in the darkest hour of the constitutional debates. On June 28, 1787, with the delegates deadlocked and threatening to adjourn and return to their homes, Franklin presented a speech full of biblical references, explaining that “the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth — that God governs in the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid?… I therefore beg leave to move, that henceforth prayers imploring the assistance of heaven and its blessings on our deliberations, be held in this Assembly every morning before we proceed to business… .”

I am an atheist. Yet I, too, pray to nobody in particular during times of stress and need. I believe that I can call upon my innate abilities to help me pull through most crises, and that a form of “prayer” is an effective method of focusing them and bringing them out. It is not superhuman in the least, but instead a worthwhile method of focusing one’s mind on the goal.

Ben Franklin also said “Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”. Yet nowhere in the documents he authored related to the Confederation do you find this same view echoed.

The following morning, Congress began with a powerful three-hour prayer meeting that humbled the delegates and made them more open to each other’s ideas. The Constitution was soon approved, and since that day, every session of Congress has begun with prayer.

We could easily find hundreds of additional quotes that support what has been stated above. Suffice it to say that the historical record offers proof that the American founders drew their inspiration and many of their political ideas from the principles found in the Judeo-Christian Bible. It’s there for all to see.

Qualification: the Jewish “Bible” and the Christian “Bible” bear little resemblance to one another. Referring to it as the “Judeo-Christian Bible” is an attempt at establishing common ground where little exists, and rings hollow.

Every man, woman, and child upon the earth is shaped by his or her environment. To deny this fact would be fantasy. Clearly they were a product of their time.

But their time also included powerful secular writings which clearly influenced the thinking of these great men. It is the reason why you find no mention of religion in the Constitution, save in the statement of the date (“year of our Lord” as common a convention as “AD” or “BC” is today) and in the First Amendment:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof” is clear, concise, and unquestionable. Congress is not allowed to make laws regarding the exercise of religion, nor is it allowed to make laws in such a way that “respects” a particular religion. Victories after victories in the courts and in the public eye have clearly demonstrated the law is on the side of those who wish government to remain impartial respecting religion.

We want government which will not force us to pray, nor force us not to pray. We want government which does not force us to wear sackcloth and ashes, nor do we want one which forbids us to do so. We want government which remains true not to the personal opinions of certain cherry-picked Founding Fathers, but which follows the letter of what they wrote regarding formation of our government.

Ludington and I have some common ground. We both understand that those who attempt to typecast all the Founding Fathers into an agnostic or atheistic mold have missed the mark. Where he has missed the mark, though, is in failing to recognize the profound effect Enlightenment thinking had upon the documents our Founding Fathers crafted together. Whatever their personal opinions, the government they established was clearly secular and impartial to all religious — and non-religious — belief.

(Author’s note: I intend to provide more supplementary links in this article as time goes on. I apologize that I could not do so on short notice, but Ludington’s article was very recent, and I wanted a rebuttal on short notice.)

The Dead Washer

Many of us own Whirlpool appliances. I am not sure I ever will again.

In just a few years, we’ve had another washer go belly-up. I checked this morning, and a replacement transmission is almost $400. You can practically buy a new washer for that much.

In fact, I think that’s what I’m going to do this morning: Take a bit off from work and go buy a new washing machine. I’m so tired of gizmos breaking in my house.

Many of us own Whirlpool appliances. I am not sure I ever will again.

In just a few years, we’ve had another washer go belly-up. I checked this morning, and a replacement transmission is almost $400. You can practically buy a new washer for that much.

In fact, I think that’s what I’m going to do this morning: Take a bit off from work and go buy a new washing machine. I’m so tired of gizmos breaking in my house. I expect certain appliances to last longer than a decade, not just four years. That works out to over $100 a year for the privilege of owning this washer.

The Body’s Food Tolerance

On Friday, my co-workers invited me to dine with them at a local Indian restaurant near Salt Lake City, UT. I accepted, as the last time I recall having strong, spicy Indian food was when I was a teenager, dating a bookish but pretty Indian girl.

On Friday, my co-workers invited me to dine with them at a local Indian restaurant near Salt Lake City, UT. I accepted, as the last time I recall having strong, spicy Indian food was when I was a teenager, dating a bookish but pretty Indian girl.

The food was everything I remembered. The curry was strong, the spices were hot, and the food was excellent. I topped everything off with some cardamom-flavored Rice Pudding, chilled to perfection. I ate quite a bit, but not so much I was stuffed.

I had to stop by a store on the way back to work to pick up a few items when I felt the first rumblings approximately 30 minutes later. I quickly asked the proprietor for the bathroom key, and spent the next 30 minutes feeling miserable.

Note to self: Be careful what Indian food you eat from now on.

What is it about the human body that it develops these odd sensitivities? When I was younger, I could eat whatever I wanted, and just about as much as I wanted, with minimal side effects. These days, I have a long and growing list of foods I should avoid if I don’t want to become very uncomfortable. And I suspect I’m not alone in that!

The Mental Hit Parade

I just keep waiting for the RIAA to send me a cease-and-desist notice. Maybe then, it would stop.

I just keep waiting for the RIAA to send me a cease-and-desist notice. Maybe then, it would stop.

This week, it seems as if Casey Kasem has set up shop inside my head with a hit parade of late-1970’s TV show themes.

I must admit, I did it to myself. I mentioned on a mailing list that Richard Dawkins’ (at the time) controversial book, “The Selfish Gene“, was published in the mid-1970s, and within moments, I had a creeping sensation from my lower back. I could tell something bad was coming, but I couldn’t tell how bad until…

“Come and knock on our door, Take a step that is new, Where the kisses are hers and hers and his Three’s Company too!”

The music was full blare, resonating within my skull, along with images of Jack Tripper and Crissy Snow bouncing around their apartment migraine-inducing festival of epic proportions. I don’t know where Janet was at the time. Maybe she was doing dishes.

The music slowly subsided until as I lay down to sleep that night, I just heard a reverberating chorus of “laughter is calling for you…” as I drifted off to an uneasy sleep filled with images of Mr. Roper jumping into my room shouting “Ah-Hah!”.

I had a moment’s reprieve the next morning until I got into an instant messaging chat with Jen Gagne at work. We had a conversation about her making a good deal of money from selling software in Second Life, and we wrote together:

(11:24:21) Jen G: Considering I only just opened my Web-based sales last Sunday (before that it was just the in-game shop), that’s pretty damn good. (11:24:29) matt-iiicq: Surprising and neat. (11:25:42) Jen G: … now I have the Love Boat theme in my head. “Sales! Surprising and neat… all log in… Second Life vends to you!”

Oh, no, I could hear it bubbling up again…

“The Love Boat! Soon will be making another run. The Love Boat! Promises something…”

…and my brain couldn’t figure out what the next line was, thus chewing on the lyrics for the next 24 hours.

“Promises something else on the run.” “Promises something with loaded guns.” “Promises something with chewing gum.” “Promises something love has begun.”

I had to look it up!

Google.com: “love boat lyrics”

Oh, thank goodness, finally:

“Promises something for everyone, Set a course for adventure, Your mind on a new romance…”

The tune continued uninterrupted inside my mind for over two days. Thanks a lot, Jen.

So I remarked to a co-worker over coffee the next morning, “Man, dude, you ever had those days when a song is just stuck in your head and it won’t go away?”

He nodded as he sipped his coffee.

“The last couple of days, I’ve had The Love Boat theme stuck in my head. How weird is that?”

“Oh, not weird at all,” he replied. “Until yesterday, I had the Hawaii Five-O theme stuck in my head.”

Oh, no.

Not again. Here it comes… no lyrics this time, just this theme playing over, and over, and over again in my mind. I began humming it as I walked through the halls of my data center.

Several hours later, I opened a door at work to find that co-worker on the other side of the door. He was humming the theme to “The Love Boat” under his breath. He paused to glare at me. I glared back.

At the same time, we both said the same two words of endearment expressed to someone who gets a catchy tune stuck in one’s head.

“Damn you.”