Month: April 2008

Well, it made national and local news: Child Pornography Sting: Task Force Raids Homes In Salt Lake Valley.

The only thing that made me want to blog about this is the bit of a clip of an interview with — if I understand correctly — our local Attorney General, Mark Shurtleff, with something along these lines:

We were able to track down the, uh, suspects through a months-long intensive effort to locate them using their IP addresses. That is, their Internet Provider address…

I’m certain I didn’t get the quote exactly right because I just heard it on the radio twice in the same day. But it bugged me because he took the time to explain what an IP address was… AND DID IT WRONG!

It’s “Internet Protocol” address, you clueless baboon.

Yeah, look, OK, I understand he’s not a techie. But he’s on the phone doing interviews claiming to have helped track these folks down, and barely has the slightest idea what he’s talking about. What he should have done was refer the reporter to someone competent.

The real problem here lies, however, in what calling this an “Internet Provider” address implies. It implies an attitude by law enforcement that these addresses must be given to you by an Internet Provider of some sort… a commercial entity that leases you an IP address temporarily.

It completely ignores the fact that Class C address space was freely given out to individuals prior to 1993. My friend John owns a netblock. He doesn’t use it, as he hasn’t found a provider willing to route the netblock for a reasonable fee, but he owns it free-and-clear. And in the up-and-coming IPv6 space — a new standard which should solve the “running out of addresses” problem for a millenia or two — IP addresses will be permanently assigned to many devices, following them throughout their lives and expiring when they finally die or are retired.

Anyway, you can have an IP address without having an “Internet Provider” to speak of. You can set up a private one in your home. You can run one over a VPN. Your provider doesn’t give them to you, and other than the DHCP records provided by a few willing and compliant ISPs, they can be as ephemeral and temporary as your mood, or as permanent as your favorite jacket. I have owned, cared for, and managed Internet Protocol addresses for virtually all of my adult life. No “Internet Provider” need be responsible for them.

I started an entry covering the whole child pornography weirdness in the USA, then left off because I think that’s a topic all on its own…

Next to Florida, Utah is the USA’s scam capital. Once again, it boils down to an abuse of trust for someone with a shared religious background:

An Ogden businessman pleaded guilty Monday in one of the largest fraud cases ever in Utah…Authorities said Southwick, 62, promised high returns on commercial real estate investments. They said he traded on his membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to gain investors’ trust.

For background, there is an article from last year first exploring Southwick’s Ponzi scheme.

From where I sit, if I ever hear someone appeal to my faith — or anybody else’s, for that matter — as a reason to trust them, it sends my BS-O-Meter blaring in my head. It’s a bit distracting sometimes, but worthwhile to listen to.

Best book ever to avoid being taken in by a good sales pitch: Robert Cialdini’s Influence: Science and Practice. It reads a bit like a textbook, but it is mercifully short and provides a tool-chest of influence identification and management that will serve for a lifetime.

Thanks to MADB for the link today.

I went to dinner with a good friend the other day who mentioned that he was concerned because a coworker had said he was “creepy”. In celebration of this hilarious — I mean, distressing — event, I decided to compile a list on “How to be the creepy guy in your workplace”.

First, a definition!

Creepy (adjective)

1. producing an uneasy fearful sensation, as of things crawling over one’s skin
2. strangely repulsive

How to be the creepy guy at work

1. Find any excuse to talk with female co-workers. Do not put the same effort toward the males.
2. It’s much creepier if you are married and do the aforementioned.
3. Stare at her chest while she’s talking.
4. Stare at her privates while you talk.
5. Stare into her eyes. It seems as if the conversational norm in the USA is to look into the eyes while listening, yet while speaking one is expected to glance away periodically. Break this norm, and you’re creepy.
6. Stare at any other part of her body while you talk to her. Staring is just creepy.
7. Talk at great length even though she doesn’t reply.
8. Ask questions about someone’s at-home schedule and living arrangements.
9. Stand or sit very close when talking. Around arms-length is the appropriate American conversation distance; cut this about in half to be really creepy.
10. Buy her stuff. Giving gifts to several co-workers in an egalitarian fashion isn’t creepy; if you just give to the females or one female in particular, it is.
11. It’s more creepy if the stuff you buy is totally inappropriate. An Epilady or skin-tight leather catsuit — particularly if it’s perfectly her size — is really creepy.
12. Ask other people about certain females in your office. The fact that you talk about them when they aren’t there is creepy!
13. Compliment her appearance. “You look nice today” is way too generic to be creepy. Complimenting something unusual can be creepy, but there’s a very narrow line between creepy and gay. Gay: “Wow, I love that anklet, where can I buy one?” Creepy: “Those pants are very tight on you, but they look nice.”
14. Lie. Nothing’s creepier than regularly lying to co-workers, enough that they can’t trust what you’re saying.
15. Have some obsession that you talk about at work all the time. In a rare case of male-male creepiness, one of our security guards used to talk about how much he really loved his guns, and how much he hated his job and co-workers. Once again, there is a fine line, this time between creepy and postal.
16. Be obsessed with what other people think about you. If you are worried about being creepy, you will be, so worry a LOT!
17. Flirt with people both out of your league and far younger than you. Nothing is creepier than an older man hitting on younger women.
18. Pay just a little bit of attention to the way you look, but not enough. If you make it clear you’re a slob, you’re just a slob, not a creep. If you dress nicely all the time, you’re dressing for success. Dress just nicely enough to look like you’re trying, but not so nice that you’re succeeding.
19. Wear clothing that is too young for you.
20. Be anxious, all the time. This alone may be enough for people to think you’re creepy. Don’t take anti-anxiety medication, though, that may just make people think you’re not creepy anymore!

Now, if you manage to do all of these, I think you’ll pull off the title of Grade-A creep without difficulty. If, however, you are guilty of only a few — for instance, staring at her boobs all the time — you may not be creepy, just over-sexed.