Author: Timpane

I think the real problem is that the average performer these days is barely talented and that half of the performers are less talented than that.

I just saw Ben Folds in concert at George Washington University, and he was amazing, incredible.. but the guy who opened for him was just some schmoe playing rhythms and chords on gutiar that I could play, and singing songs not as good as mine in a voice not much better. Its not that I’m super talented, but why in God’s green earth was he being paid to play for 5000 people, none of whom seemed enthused by his mediocrity?

I feel this way about a lot I see. I am a professional actor, and blast it, why does Ben Affleck get to live in a mansion and not me? Now I understand, I haven’t taken my shot (yet).. but the point is, if I take myself out of it..

WHy is Affleck a bigger star than Matt Damon? Why is Limp Bizkit bigger than Ben Folds? Why does a movie with J. Lo do better than a movie with Dustin Hoffman, Robert DeNiro, or Gene Hackman? Why do we, the american public, allow McG to make Charlie’s Angels 1 and 2, and then consider giving him the Superman franchise? Why does Rick berman get to keep his job running Star Trek when he is killing the franchise creatively and the novelists like Peter David are making incredible stuff every 3 months?

The fact is, I am friends with actors that could act circles around Keanu, Hayden, or the entire cast of “Coupling”. I know musicians (Matt, Sam, and most of the music departments of the colleges I attended included) that could just destroy the top ten if the suits in their offices just gave them the chance.

And, darnit, I’m not chopped liver either.. why should Justin from American Idol be famous? Why do I know who this guy is?

Arg.. maybe it is bitterness.. but I fully acknowledge there are people way way better.. Barenaked Ladies, Ewan McGregor, almost the entire cast of Lord Of The rings.. man, I want to meet these people and say.. I GET IT!! I’m one of the few!! You are talented!! I want to learn from these people, and not be stuck in the quagmire of mediocrity created by our ancestors of idiocy.. and you know who you are Suzanne Somers, Poison, Gilligan (the skipper too), Carrot Top, Teltubbies, Pauly Shore..

Oh jeez.. sorry gotta go.. Who’s The Boss is on.

Now, there is a headline you don’t see every day, eh?

Here’s the deal. For a long time we have debated the question of copyright law and music downloading and the ways to stop it. An assertion I have made for a long time has been that the music industry needs to go the way of the motion picture industry (via DVD’s), and make it so simply downloading songs doesn’t give you the whole album experience.

So, the other day, i went to pick up the newest album by my favorite band (and the most versatile band since the Beatles for my money), Barenaked Ladies. The name of the album was “Everything for Everyone”, and as I went to purchase my 15 dollar album, I noticed the album in different packaging for 20 dollars. Looking at the album, I noticed the difference.

Included in the second package was a second disc, a DVD to be played on a home theatre, with the album in 5.1 surround sound. 11 tracks of the album available in 5.1 surround and acoustic versions, DVD video of the band recording the acoustic tracks, behind the scenes video and an extra music track.

I promptly purchased my 20 dollar copy and brought it home to enjoy on my home theatre system. The point is this: The band does ask its listener to buy and not download. But the band doesn’t join the Lars Ulrichs and Dr. Dres of the world by suing the listeners, and inadvertently alienating the fans. This band offers a package that is worth buying, in the same way that the movie industry maked DVDs worth buying, with extras, commentaries, and an onslaught of extras that go beyond the main feature.

Oh.. and the album rocks my friggin world. 20 bucks well spent.

Well, the fall movie season has begun.. and it leads so quickly to the Christmas movie season, that I now bunch it all together into one block. So..

Someone, somewhere discovered that this season could be the OTHER movie seaosn, stealing the summer’s thunder. Because of this, we are facing the onslaught of films that used to be reserved for summe, and in honor of that, I have decided to compile a few top 5 lists of movies, and I invite you to do the same… READ MORE BELOW!! ‘‘

These are all personal choices Top 5 most anticipated 2003 Fall Flicks 1. Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King 2. The Matrix Revolutions 3. Kill Bill vol. 1 4. The Last Samurai 5. Elf

Top 5 Best Summer Movies 2003 1. X2: X-Men United 2. Freddy Vs. Jason 3. Once Upon a Time in Mexico 4. Bruce Almighty 5. Pirates Of The Carribbean (Did not see Finding Nemo, but I was told it would be on here if I had)

Top 5 Biggest Disappointments Summer 2003 1. Hulk 2. Charlie’s Angels 2 3. Matrix Reloaded (But cool enough ending to make me want the 3rd to redeem it) 4. Hollywood Homicide (C’mon Harrison..) 5. LXG (I didn’t actually see this, but I wanted to until the TERRIBLE reviews)

Top 5 Favorite movies of All time 1. The Empire Strikes Back 2. The Abyss: Speacial Edition 3. Good Will Hunting 4. Kung Pow: Enter the fist 5. Bruce Campbell vs. Army Of Darkness

Top 5 BEST trilogies 1. Star Wars (1st Trilogy) 2. Lord Of The Rings 3. The Godfather (I liked 3) 4. Evil Dead 5. Terminator

Top 5 Favorite Scary movies 1. Nightmare On Elm Street 3 2. The Blair Witch Project 3. Poltergeist 4. Evil Dead 2 (I don’t know if this counts) 5. Silence Of the Lambs (and Red Dragon)

Top 5 Fave Comedies 1. Kung pow: Enter the Fist 2. Army Of Darkness (I Don’t know if this counts either) 3. Monty python and the Holy Grail 4. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 5. High Strung (Super early Jim Carrey and Steve Oedekerk comedy)

Top Sequels that were better than Originals 1: Empire Strikes Back 2. Godfather 2 3. Aliens 4. Desperado 5. Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Finally, top 5 Non Trilogy Series: 1. Star trek 2. Nightmare On Elm Street 3. James Bond 4. View Askew (Clerks through Jay and Bob) 5. Alien

So.. hows about you?

THERE IS A SONG TO DOWNLOAD LINKED AT THE BOTTOM: READ ON!!

Matt and I had agreed to double date on homecoming my sophomore year of high school. I was bringing my girlfriend and Matt was bringing Ranj. We had a glorious plan including the premiere of the song, HOLDIN HEARTS, HOLDIN HANDS, to be sung as a duet to our dates.

Unfortunately, at the last minute, Matt crashed his car while trying to swat away a bee.

Well, so to underscore my feelings at the time, I was terrified. I had barely gotten my girlfriend to agree to go, much less take me back, and now we were about to ruin 2 girls’ homecoming night. Desperately, we set up another ride, and played it off as if it were a chauffer. We picked up our respective dates and were on our way.

We had made up some story about going to the Silver Diner, a local fabrication of a 1950’s caboose restaurant, but really just an overpriced greasy spoon diguised as a theme restaurant (or was it the other way around). Suddenly, we became what seemed to be very upset at having forgotten the tickets to the dance. Matt rushed in his house to get the “tickets”, but after a moment waved us inside.

When the girls and I entered, candles were lit and Matt started playing his trusty (but slightly out of tune) piano.

I sang: CANDLES ON THE TABLE, SHADOWS ON THE FLOOR AND I CAN”T HELP BUT SMILE WHEN MY EYES ARE DRAWN TO YOURS.

then Matt: A LITTLE TOUCH OF ROMANCE CAN MAKE IT ALL SEEM RIGHT SO PROMISE ME YOU’LL FALL IN LOVE, IF JUST FOR THIS ONE NIGHT.

See, at the last minute, that night, Matt prepared the dinner as he sent me upstairs to complete the lyrics to the song. In a rush, I slapped together the sappiest bunch of hooey you’ve ever heard.. and we sang it with every ounce of our adolescent hearts.

The girls of course were swept away, and we enjoyed our Orange duck, served to us by our friend Van Lindberg.

At the dance, we alternated between dancing slow under the paper streamers in the cafeteria and reenacting show choir dances, sweating through our outfits.. (and matt got a lovely red stain from a streamer on his gray zoot suit) and having just a lovely time. We ended with a chaste but titillating night of PG rated hottub fun and brough our dates home fifteen minutes early, like good conservative boys.

Well, teenage romances are like a love letter set on fire.. it is all heat and sentimentality, but ultimately it is windblown and ashen and gone, and so too were the romantic affiliations from that memorable evening.

Later in the year, just before my relationship imploded over my teenage “jealous boyfriend” phase, matt and I performed our song under the name “The Harmony Brothers” on the stage of Quince Orchard High School to the cheers and applause of 2 high school generations of girls, ranging anywhere from 14 to 19. For that one moment, Matt and I were stars.

Don’t believe me? http://www.timpane.com/clapping.mp3

Now, I must admit, that song got me a fair number of dates in high school and even was one of my wife’s faves. Today, it seems naive and silly, but it remains a testament to the teenage heart, bereft of the jade that comes with heartbreak and full of the wonder we lose as we worry about bills and homes and jobs.

It has been twelve years since Matt, Ranj, Tiff, and I tripped the fluorescent lunchroom light fantastic, and what remains is the initial collaboration between Matt and myself. We rewrote and recorded it 3 times, and the MIDI for it a fourth, mixed it all together.. and so, if you’ve made it this far.. click below to experience the fluff it takes to charm the teenage heart. HOLDIN HEARTS, HOLDIN HANDS

http://www.timpane.com/holdin.mp3

EDIT by Matthew: Linked.

Remember your first homecoming? Good Lord, I do. Music, French Duck, Bees, and Matt Barnson.

The fall of 1991 was an interesting time for me. I had a new girlfriend who was a year older than me, and although that relationship was fine.. I was really much more interested in her best friend. Ah, to be 16 again. So I promptly dumped my girlfriend, asked the friend to homecoming, got turned down, and promptly asked my new EX to go with me again, and please to be my girlfriend.

Got it so far?

So, wrapped up in this soap opera was my good friend Matt, the senior who had adopted me, and best of all.. he had a car. Now, I was a poor boy, and really had spent all I had getting my ridiculous suit, so Matt and I came up with a brilliant idea. First, prepare a gourmet french dinner, Duck a l’orange. Second, prepare a suitable after dance activity, (getting a friend to loan us a hot tub). Third, write a song, to be performed as a duet, to our dates.

The gourmet dinner was to be served by our friend, Van Lindberg, doing his best waiter imitation. Matt was going to drive, and a romantic teenage night was to be had by all.

We really had no interest in the parties, the drinking, the limos.. we were going to wow the girls with our creativity and ability to create this romantic situation all by ourselves.

Two days before the date, Matt and I took a full afternoon to write the chorus to “Holdin’ Hearts, Holdin’ Hands” and had the whole shebang set up. “May I have This Dance, Holdin’ Hearts, Holdin Hands? May I look into your eyes the whole night through? Tell me, can your heart believe What your eyes couldn’t see? How I’ve hoped and dreamed of someday holding you.”

Sweet, eh?

Matt’s date, Ranj and my girlfriend, were to be picked up by Matt and I the next day in his station wagon. We had everything planned out.

The next day, I was going to be picked up by Matt at school, we were going to go to pick up the corsages (to be chilled at our houses) and we were going to place the finishing touches on the song, the night, and this experience that was going to be Homecoming.

I waited and waited at school, and no Matt. i called his house again and again.. and no Matt. (no Cel phones in those days).. finally, i get an out of breath Matt on the phone as evening approached and I was about to board the Ride-On bus to go back to my house in Rockville.

“Dude.. there’s a problem” “Where are you, you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago” Matt sighs, “I was walking home” “From where?” “The ditch where I crashed my car”

I was stunned. Our plans revolved around having independant transportation. As it turns out, a lone Bee (was it honey or Bumble) had attacked Matt in the car, and in an effort to swat it away, Matt had caused the untimely demise of his lovely limo of love.

Well, this was it.. there was no way we were going to escape from this situation. In 24 hours, 2 lovely dates-to- be were awaiting their romantic evening, the Corsages were paid for, the Chicken ready to be cooked. The song, unfinished languished on paper in my notebook.. and it looked very much like all was going to be for naught..

or was it? TO BE CONTINUED…

Matthew has graciously allowed me to post a random thought here and there because honestly I don’t have the wherewithall to run my own blog.

This is not the first or probably the last time I will turn to Mr. Matt for tools that allow me to do that which I can’t on my own. It is the nature of our friendship, and so.. being that Barnson is so candid with his first person view of the world, I wanted to share a candid third person look at him.

My perspective on Matt is unique, in that he preceded me in many many ways. I arrived at Quince Orchard high school an annoying freshman who plunked on the piano and guitar and tried to write songs, most of which.. well.. sucked. I wanted to act, be in show choir, and above all not be an annoying freshman. Enter Barnson, a Senior who did everything I did.. but better. He was eccentric, loud, brave, and underneath a nice person. So, I bugged him and bugged him until he would be my friend. Well, that’s probably the story he would tell.

There are anectodes and details and trips to San Fran and homecoming and the fair, but the point is I found acceptance in trying to become like Matt.

When I was 18, I would have told you my life parallelled Matt’s in many ways, just with a delay, and not as perfect. By my senior year, I was the piano playing eccentric actor with freshmen who admired me. But like so many things, not as good. Somehow, there were always those who thought I was annoying… not like the great Matt.

But hero worship goes the way of Jackie Paper’s dragon, and I learned, from Matt himself, that he was far from perfect. When Matt returned from a 2 year absence, I admitted I had a “Single White Female” thing going on, and that I admired him. He was quick to tell me that he never felt as strong on Piano as a couple of his close friends, that he was unpopular with quite a few people, that he never felt like a super strong actor, and even after a time, that he admired things in me. “How weird”, I thought, “A human being”.

Well, if I ended the story here, it would just be a sweet homage or freaky stalker note. But there is an unexpected epilogue.

Truth to tell, our lives are starkly different now, and neither one of us would trade what he has. I find that we talk as much about those things we have different as those we have the same. See, heroes are important to kids. They help us find identity, acceptance, and they fill an important role, but that sort of relationship fades away along with interests in Social Studies, Transformers and Show Choirs.

And so, if I am to be honest, I must admit two things.. 1) Matt may not be perfect, but I think I like him better this way.

..and my Wife would call me out if I didn’t admit this second thing.

2) Okay, I still like Transformers.

On a nondescript evening I went into Border’s bookstore and nonchalantly made my way past the cappuccino swilling intellectuals and toward that one section of the store I know so well. Looking left and right I pretended to be looking at one, more respectable thing.. when in deed I was looking out of the corner of my eye at another. When no one was looking, I darted my grubby left hand outward and grapped my prey. I placed it on the counter face down, hoping no one would see I was buying it. I rushed the salesperson to put it in a bag, and nonchalant;y said, “some light reading”.. chuckling, but ever aware of the judgmental thoughts in the middle aged woman’s eyes. “He’s one of THOSE” she must have thought.

Well.. if I were to tell you that my biggest thrill was hunkering down that night to read how Sisko was going to return in a vision to Jake, while Kira has a run in with Paris and Torres, and Wil and Deanna make an appearance on the station while Jean-Luc is on holiday.. and you know what I’m talking about.. then possibly you are one of THOSE too.

And not just the books.. but the movies.. old and new.. and the shows.. even the last one with the woman who gets lost.. and yes, even this one (which of course takes place so long before).. I love them, but I am embarassed by it.

It didn’t used to be this way. Time was people would grin and admit.. me too.. but nowadays it is like.. “Oh, well, I used to..”

So, for those of you who know the difference between TOS and TNG, and those who are wise enough to realize that DS9 was the best of them all.. and that ENT can’t be destroyed by B&B because VOY was worse.. and it was still good enough to draw you wednesday nights… and Even if NEM was no FC, at least it was no INS. And we think about it.. and we want it to return to its former glory in the same way we want one less pound, wrinkle, or gray hair. Maybe it can.. but it seems wrinkled too now.. worn out.. and tired. And yet.. the life is in the old dog.. you can see it.. and maybe we’ll get another good run. After all, TMP seemed that way too, but TWOK (you know, II) blew us all away.

If you have NO idea what I’m talking about, I understand.. but I wager some of you do. And I wager that some of you linger in memory when it was almost cool to talk about the fat guy vs. the bald guy vs. the black guy. Now we have the snake lady and the guy who used to be Sam on QL.

Ah, QL.. but that is a different Leap altogether.

I would never have the wherewithall to create my own blogging page, so I joined the ranks of Barnson.org, just to state my humble opinion. I have in one way or another contributed countless hours to debating matt on this here website, so I figured I’d step forward and introduce myself.

Hi.

That being said, I’ve been enjoying a conversation with many of my friends and family about the Summer Movie Saeon this year, and have been lamenting the lack of excitement present in this movie season.

It was only a year ago when STAR WARS came out 2 weeks after Spider-Man and kicked off one of the most successful summers in Movie History. After a summer of Men in Black, Austin Powers, and the like, I was already prepping for a year or fun fun fun.

Right around November, my faith was shattered by STAR TREK: NEMESIS, which not only was a depressing dark rusty razor blade of a film, but bombed after coming in 2nd on its opening weekend and then being steamrolled by a deserving and incredible LORD OF THE RINGS.

BUT: After DAREDEVIL’S guilty goodness, March and Oscar Season rolled around, it was all about Chicago, and I sat waiting patiently for the SUMMER MOVIE SEASON to begin.

Well, after skipping THE CORE (along with the rest of America) ANGER MANAGEMENT started things off with more of a pop than a bang.. But X2: XMEN UNITED ripped the theatre screens apart with adamantium goodness, and I was set for the summer of PURE COOLNESS…

Until THE MATRIX RELOADED, which gave me about 40 minutes of cool and 90 minutes of scratching my head, wondering who thought a Rave, a Sex Scene, and what looked like a badly animated video game was doing in this movie I had so hotly anticipated.

Undaunted, I was relieved to find some humor in BRUCE ALMIGHTY, some neat twists in THE ITALIAN JOB, but was immediately subjected to the abject Horror that was CHARLIE’S ANGELS FULL THROTTLE.

I found some scares in 28 DAYS LATER, but snored through the ridiculous HULK, and Skipped LXG altogether. DUmb got dumberer without me, although I was there to see Bad Boys get bloodier.

And what I saw was okay..like the moldy twice warmed over piece of AMERICAN PIE.. I mean Wedding.. and the WOMB.. that is TOMB raider sequel.

I skipped NEMO and SEABISCUIT, but hear they’re good, and I’ll watch them on video..

And the highlights post X2 were T3 and PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN (okay and FREDDY VS JASON.. but thats personal).. both of which were really fun and really good, and I liked.. but..

Well, its just I remember standing in line for CLONES and SPIDEY and AUSTIN, and I remember great summers past..And this year an animated fish stole the show in a movie everyone who saw it agrees is, well, pretty good.

I miss my big summer excitement, and I hope next year, Harry Potter and SPIDEY 2 and THE PUNISHER can restore my faith.. until then, I guess I’ll keep trying to find internet trailers for THE TWO TOWERS and REVOLUTIONS and ELF… maybe Christmas is the best season for giving after all..