Author: Timpane

Matt and Rowan.

You must see the South Park premiere. It could just as well have been CoH 4 months ago. Funny stuff.

I never imagined myself as a Dad. Although I had been the third parent for my Brother and Sister on my Mom’s side, I just never conceived what it would be to be a dad. Here’s what I know now.

1) You’re not a dad.. you’re just you, and you’re the one who has to change the poopy, and he likes to fall asleep on you.. and you sure do love him.. and.. oh crap… you’re a dad.

2) You still have the same personal projects on your plate, and you’ll get to them.. but tomorrow.

3) Its tomorrow.. You still have the same personal projects on your plate, and you’ll get to them.. but tomorrow.

4) If you want to be on time, schedule yourself to be early. Not that it will make you on time, but you can say.. “I scheduled myself to be here early”.

5) Its not your kid, really.. its your parents’ kid.. they insist.. your wife is giving you the look.. tell them you’re the dad, and make sure they know their place.. then call them the next day and thank them for being so understanding cuz youre under so much stress.

6) Nothing is happening in the first six weeks. Not even a substitute.

7) Spit up and pee is clean, really. Its not dirty. Forget it happened.

8) Your wife can no longer eat or drink without spilling. Let it go.. she’ll get better.

9) You eat second. Your food will be cold. Learn to live with it. Let her eat.. dammit, don’t dunk your sandwich in her soup.. just let her eat.

10) The baby loves you – even though all the mean jobs have been relegated to you under the guise of “well you don’t have to feed him”.

There’s lots more, but these are the ones on my mind today.. oh, and –

11) The poopy flies at midnight.

Remember how you felt disappointed by the lightsaber fights in episode 3? It was almost like any kid could have done better than that, right?

Well.. yes. AMAZING. Click here for 2 KIDS with LIGHTSABERS

Yeah, as Matt knows, there’s a new addition here.. http://www.timpane.com/liam

There’s alot to tell.. but I need to go burp him!! Liam Timpane is here to rule the world.

When SIMS meets BUFFY. ONCE MORE WITH FEELING

Mel, Mel, Mel.

Oh boy, Mel. Did you ever put yourself in a corner. You were a freewheeling sarcastic action star who went serious. Then you made a religious movie that isolated you from Hollywood and put you under a microscope. The movie also had about 90 seconds of material that when taken out of context of the bigger story, made the Jewish community uncomfortable.

Then you got drunk – a bad move for a religious ICON (his production company name) – drove drunk – a bad move for a role model – chewed out an officer – a bad move for a Hollywood star – and finally, when you realized the officer was jewish.. you let the alcohol talk.

Lets give you the benefit of the doubt. Lets say you just realized there was something you could say that would offend this guy – if he had a limp you would have called him limpy. If he had a pimple, you would have called him Pizzaface. But he was Jewish.. and you made a statement about his race. Then you took it a step further and made a statement about everyone in his race.

Mel, you knew you were under scrutiny by the Jewish community. You spent a year claiming your movie wasn’t anti-Semitic. People were almost over it. People were almost ready to accept you back in Hollywood. But it will never happen now, Mel. You got too serious for Lethal Weapon 5. We might have forgiven that Mel. You’re too controversial for the Christian movies. Too Christian for the mainstream.. and Christians will reject you because you seem like a bigot. What are you going to do, Mel? You killed your career, and its too bad.

Hey! I have 2 tickets for the One-Man Star Wars show at the Woolly Mammoth theatre in DC. It is a show with one super-hyper dude who does the entire trilogy by himself in 90 mins. The reviews are amazing, and it looks like a lot of fun!! Many shows are selling out, but I have 2 cancellations from people moving out of town – so I wanted to offer the seats to Barnsonians first.. any takers?

Iraq is falling apart. Iran is developing Nuclear Weapons. Afghanistan is ruled by Warlords. Pakistan and India are halting talks after terrorist bombings.

And now.. the coup de Grace..

Israel’s gone Batsh*t.

Well, of course they have. Wouldn’t you? They’ve been bombed on buses and cafes and they’ve felt like the neigbors are supporting it. On the other hand. they levelled Hezbollah, and then just kept firing away. Roads, evacuating buses, everything.

Now, okay.. my Mom called me and asked how I felt on the first day of WW3. I disagree with her. Either this will not become WW3, or WW3 started awhile ago. But I gotta wonder about the US position on this. Am I wrong, or has the whole world basically said, “Israel, dude.. we know you’re pissed, but, c’mon, chill out” – and America vetoed that and said “Hey, we can’t tell them what to do?”

I dig that we’ve supported Israel all this time.. but isn’t our current precarious situation in the MidEast a byproduct of supporting Israel?

On the other hand.. can we bail on them? We said we’d be their pal, they struck back against terrorists.. they are our only real friend in the region.

ACK!! See.. I don’t know what to feel. So, I thought I’d drop this out there and see if anyone can help me here.

Yup.. Fresh from YouTube.. saw this and LOVED it. The Darth Vader Sessions.

DARTH VADER SESSIONS – CLICK HERE

Seven weeks.

Seven weeks ago, the summer movie season had already started. Seven weeks ago, I had already turned 30. Seven weeks ago, things were just like now.. same season, same time, same.. well.. almost everything.

Its hard to think that in seven weeks – or less – everything will be different. I sit sometimes on the Rocking chair I still need to fix up, or in the laundry room I still need to finish emptying out.. and I think to myself.. I was still working on this stuff seven weeks ago. I play the song I swore I was going to record seven weeks ago, and I think.. maybe in a couple of weeks.

Its hard to think that in seven weeks, to one person, I will be a person with no history. I’m not that guy who did Into The Woods, not that guy crying because of a 10th grade breakup, not that guy who had to run away from Saint Mary’s. I won’t be the marshmallows on the ceiling guy, the Crucible guy, the Wayward Sun fan, the actor or the blogger.

I’ll just be Dad. Like my Dad. There will be a person to whom I will be the barrier from really fun but dangerous things, the enforcer of the bedtime, the shoulders to sit on, the guy you have to wait till HE comes home. Like My dad. One day, someone will tell my son Liam what I am really like, and he’ll laugh and say “My Dad? No WAY”.

Many of you have kids, and to you what I’m writing is “cute”. I will still be me, you’ll say. Or maybe you’ll say, “yeah, you’ll be totally different”. I’ve heard both. But tonight.. with Babytime just seven weeks away, I think.. oh S**T! But then I think.. – wow.. I can’t wait to meet him.. and to meet me.