Month: February 2005

I found out a couple of weeks ago that my sister is pregnant with her first baby. Today she called me to tell me that she had her first visit and everything is normal. The baby is growing and has a healthy heartbeat. I am thrilled for her. She asked me to be in the delivery room with her. Of course I agreed without even blinking. The best news, IF the baby is born on time, it will be my 35th birthday present as it is due on September 27th, my birthdate. YAHOOOO!!!

There it is again. Lurking in my email inbox like a tiger hunting its prey. Giggling at me behind the veil of gentility, mocking me. Smirking at me during meetings, provoking me unintentionally with both its ubiquitousness and fundamental inaccuracy. I know I should ignore it, yet I cannot. It draws me like a moth to a flame, like Homer Simpson to a caramel bologna sandwich. It’s compelling, and yet… so, so wrong.

The Needful.

“File system /db0a1 is 98% full. Please do the needful.”

“Yes, will you please do the needful to fix this?”

“The needful is to overwrite the existing files with…”

Yes, those two little words. The. Needful. The word “The”, by itself, is innocuous! One of the most common words in the English language. “Needful”, too, by itself has nothing wrong with it. It is an adjective, a part of speech used to describe a given thing as necessary, or required. Put it together with a noun, such as “thing”, or “actions”, or, well, really, any noun you wish; it is innocuous and descriptive. “The Needful Thing”. Just the kind of word a proper adjective should be.

And yet today, particularly in corporate technology cultures dominated by non-native speakers, it is a phrase that has acquired life of its own, devoid of the noun it was supposed to support. It’s as if, somewhere along the line, “The” and “Needful” just chucked the noun out of the stationwagon at fifty miles and hour, shouted “So long, sucker!” in unison, and left it in the dust at the side of the road near Silicon Valley as they sped up to match the flow of traffic along highway 101. I think they probably whipped out a handgun and peppered a few cars with bullets in their new-found catalystic freedom. Teenagers, you know. What can you do about their youthful exuberance?

So The and Needful together decided that they were a noun, with all the rights and privileges thereof, and found a fertile breeding ground for this point of view in the lexicon of technical workers. And in so doing, they continually irritate language purists everywhere. I include myself in that distinguished and geriatric association, despite my frequent and painful abuses of the language.

Every time I see these emails in my inbox, my brain automatically substitutes the word “thing” after “the needful”, with another person-shaped rubber stamp used on a stray neuron to up the counter of times I’ve seen that particular phrase.

Yet when I hear or read the phrase “The Needful”, in absence of a noun, a part of me wants to whip out my patent-pending Foam-Rubber Clue-Bat of Righteousness and whack the user over the head repeatedly, while shouting “Where is the noun, man, where is he? Just chucked him out of the car, did you, without a second thought for his safety? You will pay for your treachery!”

I suspect my incarceration would be swift even if short, and I would be introduced to more abuses of language than my ears care to hear. Alas, the Clue-Bat should remain safely hidden in the upstairs closet next to my 1988 Mako-branded generic electric guitar purchased at Victor Litz Music near Lakeforest Mall for $75.00. There among the dusty belongings The Bat cries out to be used, vigilante-style, against this violation of the language. But in this age of litigiousness, it is better to simply pull it out late at night, the candlelight illuminating the beaded sweat on my forehead as I murmer “My Precious” and slowly thwack the hefty Clue-Bat against my damp left palm.

“The Needful”. Ugh.

What is to be done?

EDIT by matthew: OK, obviously I need to explain what this essay is about. Dangit. Anyway, in the technical field you get a lot of “jargon”. The latest jargon, predominantly in use by non-native-speakers, seems to be using the phrase “Please do the needful” instead of “Please take care of this”, “Please help resolve this problem”, or the more mundane “Dude, it’s broken, fix it”. I guess I assumed it was more widespread than it actually is, or that more people have experience working with non-native-English-speakers in technical fields who tend to use shortcuts when they talk. Hope that explains it a little.

Time vs. Newsweek vs. U.S. News & World Report.

Discuss.

Finally, one of my posts has made the top 3.

Sure, I did very little but paste a description of the Star Wars Episode 3 trailer, but still.. I’m honored and would like to thank the members of the academy.

Congresswoman Ellen O. Tauscher is currently serving her fifth term representing California’s 10th Congressional district, which includes San Francisco’s suburbs in Contra Costa, Alameda and Solano Counties. She is a leader on defense, homeland security, high-tech, transportation and veterans’ issues and is one of Congress’s leading experts on nuclear nonproliferation. As a New Democrat and Blue Dog, her fiscally responsible, bipartisan, independent brand of leadership was coined “Tauscherism” by Time magazine.

As National Vice Chair of the centrist Democratic Leadership Council, Rep. Tauscher travels across the country meeting with elected officials and building a base of New Democrats for state and national office. Rep. Tauscher has served on the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and chaired the group’s Democratic Business Forum. She is also a past Finance Chair of the New Democrat Network.

Rep. Tauscher has been called one of the “50 most powerful people in politics

Now I don’t know what everyone’s opinion is when concerning Gay Rights.

Mine are that I believe that even gay Ameerican’s should have the same basic civil and in my belief God given rights that all humanity has. They should be able to decide and have the same marital rights as the rest of us. Who are we to decide whom another person of “Freedom” should love. I can not decide for any other person what there moral beliefs should be. We are a country of many diversities.

So with great pleasure I applaud a major corporation and public one at that when they stand up for these very same issues. Ones that cause such controvery. We watch there shows. We laugh at the character of Jack and Will on Will and Grace. We have respect for the handicapped lesbian doctor Carrie on ER, but we never really have a chance to walk in there shoes. It wasn’t too long ago in history that African American’s fought for similiar reasons.

Basic respect.

They were never incourgaged to better themselves. They were isolated from many places in this country based solely on there color. We learned though as a country. Unfoutunatly it took this country too long. Are we going to go through the same mistake for what some think is a different reason. It is basic segregation. Appaling! So tonight when I watched two men dance together in an exclusive club of Right wing opinion, I clapped and cheered. When I watched a woman look and say the words ” I will not take love without acceptance.” I cried, was moved and hoped that many felt empowered. I just hope that many more will not stand by and allow votes 78 to 13 go unnoticed.

To allow the same feeling that this country once gave to an entire race fall on our relatives, and friends. My sincerist wish is that one day will will finnally take a lesson from God and learn acceptance and that it is not for us to judge. It is for us to serve each other. It is only then that we will experiece that utopia which is Heaven. However that may be.

EDIT by matthew: Formatting. However, I left everything other than paragraph breaks unchanged.

So Siebel Systems laid me off today. Dang. I kind of expected it for the last several months, though. I’ve been very busy, but not in the department into which I was hired; in other words, I was benefitting one department while another one which wasn’t making money paid me.

The background there is that they created a new group to handle application management services. There was a big account lined up, and they began staffing in order to handle the account.

Then the account fell through. Then they replaced the head of the division, who froze all new initiatives for review for several months. Ours was one which got the axe. Oh, well.

Anyway, so I’m on the job market again. I’ve updated my resume to reflect my recent experience. I have a couple of contracts that I can ramp up my progress on now that I have time, I got some severance, and our income tax return should be very reasonable this year, so I’m not too worried about our immediate prospects.

But if you guys know of someone looking for a UNIX admin, and are willing to pay decently (keeping in mind that the D.C. area is 18% more expensive to live in than my current arrangement), let me know!

Bored now? Speaking of comic books, try this page on for size.

Marine Corp’s General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, … are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You’ve gotta love the Marines !!!

EDIT by matthew: formatting, break added.

I’m fed up with the media’s use of the word “shocking” in connection with gun-related homicides. I think I’ve gone off on this topic before, but today I came across multiple media outlets state that recent fatal shootings were “shocking”.

What’s so shocking about it?

How many gun-related killings occur each year in the US? In 2001, the CDC’s National Vital Statistics Report detailed 29,572 annual gun deaths. This number means that 81 people are killing each other in our country each day with guns. 81.

Where’s the shock factor? When 81 people are getting shot each day in our country, then there’s nothing shocking about it. I’m surprised that media hasn’t gone on to consider other things, like car-related deaths, to qualify for a shocking development (“In today’s morning rush hour, a shocking fender-bender occured, startling many motorists and eventually causing…a traffic jam”.)

Call it senseless, horrible or awful. Call it terrible or disgusting. But don’t call it shocking. Tell it like it is. A normal, daily activity. In the great words of Al Franken: “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Using guns.”