Author: Timpane

In the run of Happy Days, there was a penultimate episode, wherein Fonzie is forced to jump his motorcycle over a shark pool to save the day. This episode is considered to be the moment that the show began its transition from very good to pretty bad, culminating, of course, with the exit of Richie, Ralph, Potsie (mostly), and the entrance of Ted MCGinley, the TV show killer (See married with children).

Thus was born the term “Jump the Shark”, which is used to describe the moment when a show has reached its peak, and its all downhill from there.. favorite jump the shark moments include: “The second Darren on bewitched”, “The arrival of Scrappy Doo”, and when a child character reaches Puberty (Wonder Years).

Essentially it means they are out of good ideas.

SO.. I was reminiscing over some of my favorite moments in TV and Movie history where a once good franchise lost its touch.. and I invite more..

Star Trek: TNG “Data gets the Emotion Chip” ST: Generations

Star Wars “Ewoks” ROTJ

Mad About You “Birth of the baby”

Friends “Birth of the Baby”

STYX (Music) “Tomo Arigato, Mr. Roboto”

Mortal Kombat (Game) “Mortal Kombat 4” (Now in 3D a la Tekken, no photo 2d play)

Pac Man (Game) “Pac man Jr. (Pinball)” or the creation of “Pac Man Cereal”

Superman “The Resurrection (Reign of the Supermen)”

Aerosmith Remakes a country song “Don’t wanna miss a thing”

Pizza Hut “The Triple Crust Pizza”

Dark Angel “the entire second season”

Saved By The Bell “The College Years / New Class”

90210 “Brenda goes to Europe”

Batman “Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze”

The Matrix “Zion is really one big sweaty RAVE” – Something is very wrong.

Heavy Metal Hair Bands “The arrival of Nirvana”

Grunge Bands “The Departure of Nirvana”

Cheers “Never jumped the shark”

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez “Never were that good”

Any takers?

I picked up the Indiana Jones Trilogy today with some Christmas money, and popped in Raiders for the first time in years, when I finally got to one of the scenes I know so well for its flaw. I am referring to the “well of souls” scene, where Indiana is surrounded by snakes, but you can clearly see that there is a pane of glass between the snakes and the actors. I looked intently for it.. but I never saw the glass. I backed up and looked again.. nothing.

Spielberg and lucas had digitally removed the glass.

Likewise, when I gave Matt a copy of “The Right Of Way”, he was inclined to use rematering software to make the tracks sound better.. and I harshly disagreed, claiming that the imperfections were part of the experience, and should be preserved.. “Remake the song if you don’t like that version, but don’t change it”, I said.

But, now, I have come across an old tape of MY old songs, and I am finding myself unsatisfied with listening to them as they are, but I think I could make the old recordings better.. Likewise, I have directed two amateur movies, and I feel the first one could be watchable with just a little work.

I also have been listening to the new verion of the album “Let It Be” by the Beatles, which is the ultimate re-revisionist history, because the “fixed up” tracks Phil Spector added a year after the recording have been taken away, and the original takes have been mixed with no effects behind them.

Its confusing, I want my pane of glass back, I want my old “Right Of Way”, I want “Greedo” to not shoot first (Star Wars)… but I also want MY things to be more impressive than they really were… so maybe, just maybe.. I can fool people into thinking I really.. musically.. did know then what I know now

Normally, I only post on Sundays, but recent events mixed with the time of year have prompted me to post this..

In the coming weeks, we can anticipate everything from a joyous, safe, and fun holiday.. to a devestatingly terrifying attack that will make the holidays themselves seem like an afterthought.. and it is hard to prepare for one without considering the other.

In that vein, I wanted to express my best wishes to my friends here at Barnson.org, especially those of us in The Washington area and all those traveling or living in other high threat areas such as New york or Las Vegas.

I plan to keep Christmas and try to make it a good holiday no matter what happens. And if something does, I hope to be like the “whos” at the end of the Grinch.. and keep on singing.

Please be safe, try to keep chins up, and hug your family a little tighter this year. God Bless.

Okay.. normally I start with some anecdote.. but I want everybody to read this, in case you can relate (or might be guilty).

Okay, anecdote. My friend Pete had been looking forward to LOTR: Return of the King all his life.. he arrived 2 hours early to the theatre, camped out, and finally took his seat for 3 and a half hours of Hobbit fun.. but when he walked out, he was visibly upset..

Why? Because some loser teenagers sat next to him the entire movie and talked and commented and ruined his whole experience.

This situation exemplifies the fact that etiquitte is gone.. the idea of doing something – or not doing something – because of at the most propriety, or at the least, the anticipation of the effect on another person, is lost on too many.. from the idea of saying thank you to the idea of holding a door.. to the idea of shutting your mouth in a movie theatre…

There are two types of people, those who will agree with me, and those who think I’m off base.. and to the latter, from the former.. THIS IS NOT YOUR HOME! THIS IS NOT A VCR! THERE ARE OTHERS WHO DON’T NEED YOUR INPUT. Clap at the end, cheer when others do, but please, shut off the movie commentary until you buy the DVD, and then you can hear one.

I always liked to ask the hypothetical question: If lightning strikes you, but you live, are you lucky or unlucky.

It was always a cute/annoying thing to ask, and I never really gave it much thought beyond the idea that it would make me seem smart and deep.. and somehow knowing that it did neither.

Finally this week, I got asked the question myself, in a manner of speaking. My house was burglarized on thursday, and the guys trashed my bedroom, ripped through my drawers, overturned my mattress, and collected most of my electronic equipment in the living room to take with them, when an astute neighbor noticed and called the police.

In the end.. the perps are in Jail, I have all my stuff back, my wife, my cat, and I are all fine.. and its almost like it never happened.. if you minus the lost sleep, the violation, the day spent refortifying my home security, and the muddy footprints… but really.. we lost nothing tangible.

SO now, I find myself trapped in a world with two species.. the ones who ask me “how I’m doing” and the ones who tell me “You’re lucky”.. and neither seems appropriate. I’m fine, but not really.. its very strange…

So, now before I go to sleep, after the third time I check the locks, I ponder whether I am luck or unlucky, and pray lightning doesn’t strike again.

The problem is, there seems to be somewhere in the annuls of employment, on page 8394, a sentence that reads: “You must be ill to the point that you cannot do your job, and know it hours before”.

This double bind is where I am tonight. After leaving work early last night, I struggled with the decision today of whether or not to call in sick. I am not severely or acutely ill at this very moment.. but I was for much of last night, meaning I have had no sleep. I have had bouts with aspects of this illness today (including as recently as an hour before the beginning of my shift), and I had a real fear that going in to work tonight would make me be even sicker for the upcoming week.

Therein lies this little nugget of a problem. Now I am here at home, feeling better with each passing hour because I am resting.. and my body needed this rest to recover. But I feel bad that I am not actively suffering for the night I am not at work.. I feel like I should be as bad or worse than I was last night (The possibility of going back to the Hospital where I work as an ER patient came up in conversation with my wife).

I guess its pointless to wonder if I would have felt better had I not stayed home to rest.. and I NEVER call in… I am glad I am recovering from this particular bug, I just second guess myself.

Okay, honestly its not as bad as all that.. or is it?

While vacationing in Florida over the Thanksgiving holiday, I read, on the following Saturday, of a woman who was trampled and seriously injured during a mad rush to get the 30 dollar DVD player at WalMart in the wee hours of Friday morning. This is of course what is rumored to be the busiest shopping day of the year (although I think it is 2nd now), and is known to retail employees as Black Friday.

For the first time ever, I was there, at 5:58 AM in line to enter target, and yes, i too got the 30 dollar DVD player. But to me, the phenomenon was the interesting part. What was so fascinating was the fact that my day started with no Christmas shopping done, and ended with most of it done, and with considerable savings. For my effort, I did see people shoved, items snatched off shelves, arguments, and the like, but it was a madness I kind of got into.

Underneath it all was a kind of glee, a mad, adrenaline filled rush to get, at prices you can afford, those items that will make the people you love have that moment of big smiles.. and it is a thing I am beginning to think is not as evil as everyone says.

The fact is, we want our friends, family, and kids to have that glee filled moment, and we are willing to fight to do it.. and that’s sort of.. well, sweet. Now, if we can translate that to the other guy who just got the last copy of THE TWO TOWERS, then we’ll almost have it right.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Well.. There are things in life you wait for and seem to ever be on the cusp of happening.

So, as we approach the last month before those guilt filled promises we call New years resolutions, I have 20 things I think its about time get taken care of.FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH MORE!

ITS ABOUT DARN TIME: (in no particular order) 1) Sam Graber put up some music for me to download. 2) I get around to updating timpane.com 3) Matt released a collection of some sort. 4) The movie theatre stopped showing commercials. 5) Sledge Hammer! returned to the airwaves. 6) I wrote another screenplay. 7) “The Right Of Way” gets posted on Barnson.org 8) Ben Affleck’s 15 minutes were up. 9) Ditto for Britney, Ashton, and (please!) Carrot Top 10) Billy Joel returned to pop music. 11) Elton John left pop music. 12) People stopped remaking their own songs (Bon Jovi…) 13) A 4th Evil Dead movie came out. 14) I started exercising. 15) People started watching Star Trek again. 16) Sam and I collaborated on a song. 17) Rachel left Joey for Ross 18) People admit they hated “Cats” 19) Women stopped smoking cigars 20) Pencil erasers stopped leaving black streaks.

I was driving home with my wife, and we were listening to the ever classic “Liscense to Ill” by the Beastie Boys. You know it.. “You’ve Got to Fight For your Right to Party”, “Girls”, “Brass Monkey”, “Paul Revere”, “Crafty”.. and a host of others that have aged like fine wine next to the other outdated 80s songs. (This came out BEFORE Wang Chung’s “Everybody have fun tonight”.)

And she says to me.. “I DON’T GET IT.. Theyr’e just NOISY!!” And right there.. we aged 60 years, and died of old age.

Thats all.. thats my entire post. I just don’t believe it.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, the “other summer” has begun with two huge releases this weekend, and there is no end in sight.

Since last wednesday, “The Martix Revolutions” has kung-fu philosophized its way to north of 80 million dollars (domestic), and Will Ferrell’s “Elf” has charmed its way to over 30 million in two fewer days. IT HAS BEGUN!!!

So, to honor my new favorite Movie season, I present to you, in order, the notable releases from here until New years.. And whether you should see them.

THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS: (out now) Saw it, and it was fine. Parts of it (almost 80%) were actually really really cool, but it suffers from being too big for its britches, bad dialogue, and.. well, I don’t want to give anything away. Better than Reloaded to be sure, but still, compared to the original, its a bit of a stinker. Still, I’d see it.

ELF: (out now) Will Farrell is a human raised by Christmas elves. Saw it, and it is the best Christmas movie in a decade. Our kids will be watching this in years to come.. see it on the big screen for great family fun. See it, see it, see it.

LOONEY TUNES: (11/14) Back in ACTION: Bugs Bunny and Brendan Fraser. Early reviews on this one are terrible.. someone close to the production has said it makes Space jam look like Shindlers List. Skip it.

MASTER AND COMMANDER: (11/14) Russell Crowe, check. Awesome book, check. Looks promising, but our expectations for seafaring movies has been raised so high after Pirates, it may be hard to live up to. I’ll probably see it.

THE MISSING: (11/19) Kate Blanchett (Galadriel in LOTR) has a missing little girl and Indian Tommy lee Jones has to help her. hot off his Oscar win, Ron Howard Directs.. and he did a good job of the missing kid thing in RANSOM, so I’ll probably check this one out.

CAT IN THE HAT: (11/21) Reviews are mixed, but the trailer makes it seem bloated and overdone, kind of like the Grinch. That being said, I like Mike Myers, and I kind of like parts of the Grinch. Proceed with caution, but it may be worth a look. I’ll see it, maybe.

GOTHIKA: (11/21) Halle Berry in a supernatural thriller.. or is it a psychological thriller.. that’s the mystery. Reviews are excellent, so my own distaste for Ms. Berry’s ruining Bond and the first XMEN notwithstanding, it may be worth a looksee. But not for me.

BAD SANTA: (11/26) Billy bob Thorton is a mall santa.. but the reviews have been middling and the best stuff from the previews is just a footnote in the already exceptional ELF. It is also less family friendly. I’d just see Elf.. even if it is for the second time.

HAUNTED MANSION: (11/26) My fave disney ride on the big screen. And after the success of Pirates, I have high hopes. Reviews have been mixed, though, and the trailer makes it look okay. Problem is Eddie Murphy, who is 50/50 on making really good family movies (Doolittle) and really bad ones (Klumps). But, rest assured I’ll be there.

TIMELINE: (11/26) The book was great, and it explores my favorite idea.. modern guys go back in time and fight against medeival guys. Conneticut yankee with punch and braveheart battles. I am so there.. Haunted Mansion/ Timeline double feature.

HONEY: (12/5)Jessica Alba (Dark Angel) dance movie. Nobody will be there, neither will I. Reviews are mixed/negative, and the trailer is boring. How fun could a movie with a trailer this boring be. Skip it.

THE LAST SAMURAI: (12/5)Tom Cruise as an American who becomes ingrained in Japanese Bushido society. And lots of Samurai epic battles. Reviews are good, and the preview is just awesome. I will forgive that time Tom Cruise was rude to me, and I will be sitting in the theatre for this one.

LOTR: RETURN OF THE KING: (12/17) Heeere we go. All early reports is that this puppy is better than the two before. Its darker, more serious, but also more emotionally engaging. I have already set up 3 seperate get togethers about this movie. I will be there again and again and again. You should be too.

MONA LISA SMILE: Well, I will be tehre for this, but not by choice. It is, of course, Julia Roberts as a teacher. Yeah, the early reviews are okay, but rweally, this is just to make my wife happy. I have liked about 2/3 of what Roberts has put out recently well enough. I’d just as soon see an ELF LOTR double feature.

PAYCHECK: (12/25) Ben Affleck in a memory erasing thriller. I’ll probably want my memory erased if I see it. Maybe on video.

PETER PAN: (12/25) A big live action Peter Pan. Well.. not for me. it seems gratuitous. I liked the cartoon. I liked HOOK. I don’t need this story visited again. Consider it skipped.

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN: (12/25) Well, the trailer is funny enough.. the cast is fresh.. Steve Martin and the WB crowd. Perhaps, but by then, movies I haven’t even heard of will be sweeping the nation for Oscar consideration. (I hadn’t heard of Beautiful Mind until like 5 weeks before it came out.) It will probably be a renter.

Yes, I know, its a lot to see.. but that is part of the joy for me now.. the holiday movie season.. now.. What will YOU see?