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The SWEENEY TODD trailer with JOHNNY DEPP is now available!! WooT!!

CLICK HERE TO GET SLICED AND DICED!!

BTW: Matt, if you feel like imbedding this, please do!

If I was running for President in 2008, I would campaign that every U.S. citizen gets health insurance coverage through either their employer or through the government. Every single person has access to health coverage.

Unless you smoke. Then you don’t get health insurance. If you use illegal drugs, you don’t get health insurance. If you drink and drive, you don’t get health insurance. If you smoke, do drugs, etc. and have dependents, no one in the household gets insurance.

I know people who haven’t been to a doctor in 10 years because they take care of themselves. Meanwhile, folks abusing their bodies with terrible substance habits drive up the cost of care and the tax burden for everyone else. No problem. You want to abuse your body with that crap, go right ahead. You don’t get health coverage.

That’s the basic premise. The more I think about it, the more I like it.

Okay.. here’s a fun one (Ben, are you listening?)

So, we all know that there was movie called “Snakes on a Plane”. Let us assume that Joe Schmoe also had a screenplay called “Snakes on a Plane”, and while it had snakes and a plane, it was otherwise, a totally different story.

Let us assume that the screenplay for the unmade film was copyrighted first, but that the writer of the other (hit film) “Snakes on a Plane” had no idea there was ever an unmade screenplay with the same name.

SO.. now there is a guy with a screenplay that the filmmakers never knew about, but he knows his copyrighted screenplay predates the film. Does he have a case?

So, for the third year in a row, I’m recording a local conference for a non-profit charity in Salt Lake City. It’s the standard fare: a few videos, a bunch of presentations, a round-table discussion, an open-ended business meeting about the organization’s goals for the coming year, and that kind of thing.

Due to privacy and bandwidth concerns, although we’ve done video in the past, it’s totally an audio event. Here is my usual recording rig for this event:

• 12-channel mixer.
• Additional 4-channel mixer “just in case”… sometimes we have breakout sessions or outside-the-floor events I want to capture audio from.
• Six microphones. One wireless body mic, one wireless hand-held mic, four cabled mics with boom stands.
• A Dell Inspiron 9300 laptop at the heart of the rig, running Cakewalk Sonar, with external several-hundred-GB USB drive.
• M-Audio Firewire Audiophile sound card (I hate this and must replace it, it sucks badly. But it cost a pretty penny and sounds better than the internal sound card.)

This is my third year doing this gig, and although the pay is bad, it’s a chance to stretch my legs with my audio engineering skills. I also fill in as the A/V guy for the conference, though I’m really not (I’m just supposed to do the recordings). There just isn’t much competent technical help for the conference.

This year, I want to do some streaming audio, rather than my usual “stop recording, dump to .wav, compress to .mp3, upload to web server between presentations” routine. I have a second laptop available. What would you recommend to do streaming audio to the widest-possible audience running on an eccentric mix of platforms, at extremely low bitrates?

Got this bit in my inbox, thought I’d share 🙂

FOR A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH & A WOMAN WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS

If THE AD says…. Then THE AD means….. 40-ish – 49 Adventurous – Slept with everyone Athletic – No tits Average looking – Ugly Beautiful – Pathological liar Contagious Smile – Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure- On medication Feminist – Fat Free spirit – Junkie Friendship first – Former very *friendly* person Fun – Annoying New Age – Body hair in the wrong places Open-minded – Desperate Outgoing – Loud and Embarrassing Passionate – Sloppy drunk Professional – Bitch Voluptuous – Very Fat Large frame – Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate – Stalker

WOMEN’S ENGLISH If she says….. Then she means….. 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry 6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = you better not 8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN’S ENGLISH If he says…… Then he means…… 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let’s have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you 11. Those shoes don’t go with that outfit = I’m gay

“The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one’s time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.” -H.L. Mencken

Matt, I leave it up to you to censor this if you deem it necessary. I feel it works in the context, but this is your blog and you can play FCC if you see fit.

On no, here she comes, the Drama Queen Bet she says something mean Bet she says something nasty Bet she says something quite obscene I hate the feeling she brings with her Awkward, uncomfortable are words to describe her vibe Lazy and useless just a few more Don’t care to hear about your latest score Don’t want to hear your proud comments About your incompetence Or your latest offence It doesn’t make sense why I have to feel so tense In your presence Just my $.02 Would it be so hard to try a little bit Not throw a little fit, be a little snit When the answer isn’t explicit Give up, throw your hands in the air I’m here to cover your derriere Even though I got work from here to there You’re perfecting your lazziez-faire EVEN THOUGH THE ANSWER IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE! You rub everyone quite the wrong way And your personal life is in disarray And you’re never, ever, ever, ever wrong Even so, we could get along If you just picked up your share Carried your load, but beware If it don’t change, and don’t change soon If you don’t buck up, change your tune That house in the neighborhood you abbhor That car you bought you can’t afford Will be gone, bye-bye, out the door Oops, did I strike a chord? Do you feel floored? Or is this something you’ll just ignore? Like other signs from before Well let me reiterate, underscore The situation you’re spiraling towards Pull your weight, carry your load Or find yourself hitting the road

Some background: I have a co-worker who I’m just a little fed up with right now. Just a little 😉

“You type so fast, it sounds like you are a kid on the computer mashing the keys at random.” — Christy Barnson, about Matt Barnson’s typing speed

Fact: I am on my third computer keyboard at work so far this year. I destroyed the previous ones through over-use. And I really need to replace the keyboards on my laptops. My only saving grace is that I use an external keyboard on at least one of my laptops, and my other laptop gets used more for gaming and surfing the web than my actual writing.

I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be much worse if life were fair and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them. So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe. -Marcus Cole

Everybody who knows me knows that I hate email spam. I have taken pretty strong measures on my server to stop it from dropping in my inbox, so much so that these days the only stuff that finds its way in there are emails from people who sign up for throw-away accounts from a major ISP.

Regardless, very rarely I see a subject line that makes me laugh because it’s clever. This one did.

“Don’t be an average man! Megadik will lift you up to the top!”

Just the product name — “Megadik” — is enough to make me giggle a little bit. Or maybe throw up into my mouth a little bit. I sometimes can’t tell the difference.

Have they ever told you this, “Damn it! Your penis is really tiny!”?

Damn it! I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this in the locker room! I don’t have enough exclamation points to express how I feel about men telling me I have a tiny penis!

Didn’t you just wanna run away?

Absolutely! I think it would be fun to run through the gym carrying my towel in my hands so that everybody can make fun of my eensy-weensy, needle-sized manhood.

Don’t let women turn their back on you!

But, but… but what if I prefer that position?

Megadik will bring you to your sexual dreams!

My sexual dreams are simple: * Early. Morning is best. I don’t know why, but it is. * Often. Daily is best. Really, more often than that and I get a bit chapped, speaking from experience. Oh, and also, speaking from experience, Aloe Vera gel is a REALLY bad choice for trying to relieve the chapped-ness.

Umm, that’s about it. How does having a bigger dong impact that schedule?

You should simply rely on this excellent preparation!

I think the time for preparation is long since over. I had enough of that with Rosie Palm and her five sisters in high school.

“Oh! Your penis is so large!” Isn’t that what you dream to hear every day?

I think if I heard this every day, I would develop a complex. Or maybe a rash. Or, possibly, painful urination.

Soon you’ll be the only one ladies will wish! Megadik is your real cure!

Dang, dude, there are 3 billion women in the world. I don’t have the time or interest to be the only one for all of them. Couldn’t we limit that a bit, to, say, half a billion or so?