Month: May 2007

You know, I don’t want to do this, but I just have to… Yep, I got a forward in my inbox from my girl. And it just made me want to put a ponytail on the side of my head, wear a fluorescent pink polka-dotted shirt, throw on some acid-washed Jordache jeans, and sing some Bon Jovi.

That sounded more masculine in my head, you know.

You Know You Grew Up In the 80’s if:

1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that “WOAH” comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched “Fraggle Rock”
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
9. You played the game “MASH”(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
11. You know the profound meaning of ” WAX ON , WAX OFF”
12. You wanted to be a Goonie.
13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us…head-to-toe)
14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
16. You took lunch boxes to school…and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
18. You still get the urge to say “NOT” after every sentence.
19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
20. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
21. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying “I know you are, but what am I?”
22. You remember “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”
23. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
24. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
25. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
26. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
27. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
28. You remember Alf, the li’l furry brown alien from Melmac.
29. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as “NKOTB”
30. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell,” The ORIGINAL class.
31. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
32. You just sang those words to yourself.
33. You still sing “We are the World”
34. You tight rolled your jeans.
35. You owned a banana clip.
36. You remember “Where’s the Beef?”
37. You used to (and probably still do) say “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?”
38. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!

PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WHO GREW UP IN THE 80s or Early 90s!!!

Around Christmas last year, we had to buy a new entertainment center that was able to handle the new TV we bought. The new entertainment center has more of a credenza look to it. There are two glass paneled doors which the various gear for the Home theater and gaming systems sit behind. Those areas have a “slot” in the back that allows for the cables to leave the area.

The problem I am having is with heat. The one cabinet area houses an A/V receiver, a Direct TV DVR (Heat intollerant), a DVD Player, and a X-box 360 (with reported heat intollerance). If I leave the door shut on the area with this equipment the gear get too hot and has issues with working. Everything seems happy if I leave the door open (greather air flow) – but that kind of negates the whole esthetic reason for having the glass doors.

My idea that I am trying to figure out how to design and execute is to install some small (pc sized) fans onto the rear of the cabinet area that this equipment is in. The concern with this is 1) being able to have it AC powered and 2) not have a annoying fan hum.

Any ideas? Anyone seen any off the shelf products?

According to researchers, people with high testosterone levels find angry faces made by others to be rewarding.

I now have a little bit of insight into the thought processes of the bullies who teased me incessantly in school. I needed to either beat the living tar out of them or have no reaction at all, not stare angrily at the wall or flash them an upset look.

In the continuing spirit of noting the deaths of figures that I actually give a hoot about, here is “Jerry Falwell dead at 73“. May the news reports covering my death, if any, end up sending as many mixed signals as this one does.

The joys of the Internet. I have pretty strong spam-blocking on my mail server now, courtesy of tens of thousands of attempted mail deliveries every day to the scant dozen inboxes on my server. However, a few sneak through my filters, blacklist, greylists, and spam-traps. This is one such. The tale of one persistent offshore marketer operating under a fake name. I wonder if she’ll write back?

On Tue, May 15, 2007 13:08, Andrea Vernon wrote: Hi Matthew, This is with reference to an email, which was sent to you on May 11, 2007 (attached below). I would like to hear from you with regards to Email Marketing and Lead Generations. Please let me know your thoughts.

Thanks Andrea Vernon

—– Original Message —– From: Andrea Vernon To: matthew at barnson.org Sent: Friday, May 11, 2007 8:40 AM Subject: New Business Oppurtunities for the Quarter

Hi Matthew ,

I did some research on your website and identified couple of marketing possibilities to enhance the lead pipeline for you. Please find attached Prepacked Business Email lists released by Sixchannels on May 03nd 2007. If you are interested in more information or would like to see a few samples records, please send me an email or it would be great if you could suggest me a good time for a quick call.

If you feel I should talk to somebody else in your organization, it would be great if you can forward this email to the right person.

Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.

Andrea Vernon SixChannels 713-893-4176 www.SixChannels.com AndreaV@SixChannels.com

Alternate Contact: Jeff Anderson

My response is this. I don’t like unsolicited commercial email (spam). I have no interest in talking with you about my web site due to your unethical, poorly-researched marketing method (spamming) and your use of off-shore bulletproof hosting in an attempt to conceal your abuse.

Not only are you a spammer, but you are also advertising mailing lists to sell to other spammers, which makes you one of the worst sorts of low-life on the Internet, one step below Internet Trolls and one step above child pornographers.

Please don’t go away angry. Just go away.

Regards, Matthew P. Barnson

I traced her IP address and history surrounding her murky little marketing company “Six Channels”. Yeah. “Andrea Vernon” and “Jeff Anderson” work out of an office in Mumbai, India, for a company headquartered in Ireland with strong affiliations to known spam gangs? Sounds like a legitimate business opportunity.

Now pull the other one. I really, really despise spammers. Not enough to want to kill them, but enough to want to banish them all somewhere where their only connection to humanity is other scammers on some remote island without any Internet connectivity.

So I thought you were supposed to get your wife a present on Mother’s Day, not the other way around. Note the following conversation that occurred Sunday afternoon. My nephew and his wife brought their Wii to the Madre’s Day celebration, which made Weed Version 2.1 and 2.2 happy.

Note: WAG = Weed’s Amazing Goddess

WAG: I was thinking we should get a Wii. Weed (secretly happy but playing it straight): I was thinking that too, since Caleb likes it so much. We’ll get him one for his birthday in September. WAG: I was actually thinking we should get it before we go on vacation in July. Weed (quite ecstatic now but still keeping the game-face on): OK, if you want. WAG: You should probably start looking now so we have it by then Weed (in a delirium of joy but somehow not showing it): Uhm, if you think we should.

This is same man who secretly teared up when his son cried because he couldn’t play his cousin’s GameBoy, because I understood. Our generation (I’m (PI * 10) + 3) was the first to grow up with a joystick in our hands that wasn’t given to us by Mother Nature.

And now, I’m buying my son his first video game system. Really, it’s for him. 🙂

My two thoughts are A) How much I will damage my son’s chances with women by buying this instead of making him pitch baseballs left-handed for hours at a time and B) Does my wife comprehend what she’s unleashed? She’s locked the alcoholic in the Coors refinery after-hours. She’s stuffed $10K in the gambler’s pockets and left him at the Borgata. She bought the sexaholic baby oil and an access pass to MrSkin.com.

In other words, I love her to death. She’s the greatest.

My $.02 Weed

Hat on: Check. Long-sleeve shirt: Check. Long pants: Check. Tight socks, good shoes: Check. Deet-based insect repellent over any exposed skin: Check. A few minutes near the lakeshore during mosquito season: Check.

I have to admit, she was the type to really give you a run for your money. She’s tiny, but she is crafty and has a full belly right now. Despite my safety precautions, despite my tightly-cinched clothing and repellent, she found a way in. She snuck down my pants, grabbed a bite, then snuck back out again unnoticed past at least half a foot of clothing and elastic.

So when you see me scratching my butt-crack vigorously this week, it is NOT because of Klingons. It’s because of one tough, patient little mosquito grabbing a snack through the tidy whities. Despite my admiration for her, I hope she choked. And that I tasted gross.

The Federal Government, in 2005, signed into law the “Real ID Act“. Among other things, it aims to enforce a uniform standard of licensing among all states, require all state databases to make information available to all other states with Real ID, revoke local legislation prohibiting physical borders upon national borders, and make some changes regarding immigration.

They extended the compliance date to December of 2009, IMHO, in an attempt to allow voters time to forget who voted for it and grow to accept it as fact rather than fight it. That said, there are a number of states which have passed resolutions of non-compliance with Real ID.

What do you think of this Real ID law? Is a federal ID system — which, I think, is what this amounts to — a good idea? Why or why not?

I was having a pretty rough day until my coworker sent over Star Trek meets Monty Python

enjoy

Conversation had with the CEO of a company I used to work for, after I submitted my resignation several years ago:

Him: “We really value your contributions to our company. As you know, we had plans to leverage your skills for some important future projects. Why are you leaving?

Me: “Your flagship product has no buyers. You are living on rapidly-dwindling venture capital. Your only regular income comes from one contract for one small device you aren’t focusing on. You are living on co-marketing deals as you can make them, which we both know is not real income. You plan to terminate one of my co-workers because she’s now a mother, and you want to get rid of the other one because you don’t like his political ideology. The company is circling the drain and I’d really rather not go down with it.”

Him: “Oh, you can’t tell anybody that’s why you’re leaving,” he replied. “How would that look? Now tell me, what is your REAL reason for leaving?”

Me: “Uhh… I have a better opportunity with a large company?”

Him: “That’s my boy.”