So tonight, Christy and I got talking about neighbors. You know, the usual scuttlebut you discuss at 2 in the morning when hanging out at a friend’s house.
Anyway, we came upon the fact that our new neighbor 2 doors down is a convicted sex offender. He’s guilty of Sexual Abuse of a Child.
He’s apparently got a wife, no kids, and I haven’t really talked to him yet. I ran into this situation a couple of years ago, when I discovered that a former co-worker of mine, whom I liked and respected, was convicted of aggravated sexual abuse of a minor. The difference with “aggravated” is that the person is in a position of trust with the child, and abused it (or was a stranger who made friends for the purpose of sexual abuse); in his case, it was his stepdaughter.
How do you deal with convicted sex offenders in your neighborhood? I mean, caution dictates you probably shouldn’t hire the guy as a babysitter. You may want to be careful about your children playing near his house. But do you avoid him, ostracize him? Or try to make friends?
I just really haven’t thought about this much, and they live so close. I’m interested in your take.
(Yes, I really did post this at 2:44 AM. I am switching to night shift, and like to take a night or two to get into it before reporting for work.)
Wow, that’s a tricky situatio
Wow, that’s a tricky situation if I’ve ever heard of one. I have certain thoughts for how I would deal with it, but keep in mind I am single with no children, so I can afford to be a little more generous with my trust.
As part of my general personality, I usually try giving people the benefit of the doubt. Also I try to go by the philsophy that if they’re convicted, then they’ve done their time, not to mention following the old adage that Jesus usually ate dinner with thieves and hookers. So I’d probably be friendly at first.
However, as you so adroitly put, this guy wouldn’t be my first pick for babysitter. Certain actions carry lifelong consequences, and being a sex offender means one of those consequences is that you will never be trusted around children again. This doesn’t mean that the guy can’t move on from his mistakes and have a fulfilling life. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t invite him to a barbecue if he were a nice guy. I just wouldn’t leave him alone with my kids.
Out of curiosity, how did you come to learn he was a sex offender? I know that they have to announce that sort of information, I just don’t know how said information is disseminated.
Arthur Rowan
Brother Katana of Reasoned Discussion Rebel Leader and Convicted Happiness Offender for the Unitarian Jihad
Searching
Well, one of our neighbors is extremely cautious about new people in the neighborhood, and keeps up-to-date on the convicted sex offender database.
For the state of Utah, all you have to do is type in your zip code at the web site I linked, and it will yield all the sex offenders in that zip code. For instance, searching for my zip code yields sixty convicted sex offenders. All within 5 miles of my house.
We just looked for people who lived on roads in our development on that search. We found three others in addition to the one of concern; two are sufficiently far away that they’re “out of bounds” for the kids anyway, so we’re not too worried, and the third just moved out not long ago.
—
Matthew P. Barnson
Block Party
Fun! We have one on our street too!
Good times. ——– Visit my blog, eh! The Murphy Maphia
My Advice
Stay away. Do NOT try to make friends. In the wake of the Dru Sodjin affair, the state of Minnesota prepared data that showed how sex offenders are one-convicted, twice-pry. Getting thrown in jail doesn’t lessen the urge for these freaks. Society’s recourse was to try and stiffen penalties and make identities known. Having a picture and address to look at is society’s way of leading the ostracizing process.
Personal
–oooooo Matt did you ever touch on one here. Let’s start with my most resent case. Last year myself and my family were placed into our home without being notified that there is in fact a recently convicted offender only one row down. One of my neighbor’s were nice enough to let us know, and point him out directly. He apparently took a couple of boy’s from the neighborhood out into the woods last year. Did his short amount of time and was sent to live back in the same place he committed his crime. With the same children. This made me of course highly uncomfortable and prompted my decision not to let my daughter play in the circle area with the other children. Which of course broke her heart. How do you explain that sort of thing to an 8 year old? Very carfully. However, because I didn’t know the man and that his crime was committed on children other than family ( which is how most sex offences are committed ) made him a predator in the highest degree. It is absoulutly a learned disease. It is absoulutly something that can make or break you. So let me explain that.
When I was younger I was abused not by one but by two different family member’s. For years. It became so natural that I honestly thought that it was a right of passage and that all young girls were to be ” passed around ” like this. It wasn’t untill I began to hit the stage in life where you start to ask question’s did I realize that it was wrong. There wasn’t any real help for me because in my family we were taught that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You dealt with thing’s and got over it. So I did. The way that I got over it was to talk to everyone with question’s about it. I began to realize that there are differnt types of predator’s. To go with all different types of situation’s. Most commonly you have the family member or the guy down the street.
In my case the tie of family was stronger. I wouldn’t go near eighther member and wanted nothing to do with them for many years. I realized though I had talked with everyone but them. These were great member’s of my family. These were supposed to be important men in my life and I wanted to know why. Eventually I did talk with them. Found them to be changed. Found that years had put difference on them. I realized that they didn’t hunt me, I was just there and convienent. Whereas the man down the street went hunting for his prey. Which is part of a thrill. That is a type of behavior that is harder to control and change.
I highly recomend that because you don’t know the guy or how he committed his crime you use extreme caution. If in fact he committed his crime on family than it is a more controled situation where the urge will be less likely. Although never dimminished. Once abused you live with the fear that you will commit abuse yourself. I know that when I first got pregnant I was very much afraid that the instict of the disease would haunt me. Because it was ingrained as such a normal behavior. I did find out that the men that committed their act’s on me were in fact abused when they were younger.
However if this man found a child than RUN THE OTHER WAY!!!! Because it took a lot of time and patience and planning for him. He had a determined agenda and followed through with it over a period of time. Never backing off from it. It preyed on him as well. That is the part that never goes away. You also never know what will set him off. What he will find attractive. So my recomondation is that with your case never let the children out of eyesight. Be highly aware if he is outside in view of the children. Be aware of his body action’s.
I don’t mean to cause fear or to tell you that you have to up and move away, because remember most cases go unreported. And that there are more than the three in your area. But with him being so close you may have to change some of the children’s habit’s. And absoulutely talk with you children about it. Make them aware. I had to do that with Piper. After months of avoiding it and her crying I had to explain to her that there was a man that hurt children in the neighborhood and go over all the basic saftey rules. Never talk to someone you don’t know. Let mom or dad know of every adult that talks to them. No matter how simple the conversation is to them. At least you will know.
I wouldn’t make friends because you don’t know how things went down. You will never be able to get that personal with a stranger. However I know from personal experience that you can if someone is within you family. I have talked and have actually been able to welcome the men back into my life because of the family tie. Because I was able to tell them how I felt and hear them I was finnally able to move on. Teresa the Flautist and fire dancer
–I have 11 in my area. Cas
–I have 11 in my area. Case in point more than you know. Teresa the Flautist and fire dancer
My way of dealing…
I don’t worry about it too much.
Not that I’m making light of a serious issue, rather I recognize that I have almost no control over who lives in my neighborhood or what they are up to.
What I do have control over is what my kids do and where they are. So, I focus on that side of things and don’t worry myself too much about who the neighbors are.
I lay the responsibility at my feet for keeping tabs on my kids and making sure they’re safe rather than scouting the neighborhood for potential threats. There could be a thousand offenders or zero in my neck of the woods and I think my approach would be the same: I’m the parent. It’s my responsibility to know what my kids are doing and where they are at all times. In such a circumstance, Joe Pervert never has an opportunity to do anything fishy, so I don’t care if he lives next door.
Use common sense
Sometimes, people make decisions that affect the rest of their lives. This guy did just that, and he’ll have to live with it. If he makes an attempt to be friends, feel him out and make a decision based on your instincts, while ALWAYS REMEMBERING what he has done.
Always remembering.
That memory has to always affect your interaction with him. He made that choice when he did that, HE forced you to treat him that way. Take no chances when it comes to your kids.
My $.02 Weed
You should..
Throw a party outside the courtroom while he is found not guilty on 10 counts..
At least if hes a millionaire popstar.
OOOOHHHH
Sick and wrong. Don’t get me started.–
Christy
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