Seven weeks.
Seven weeks ago, the summer movie season had already started. Seven weeks ago, I had already turned 30. Seven weeks ago, things were just like now.. same season, same time, same.. well.. almost everything.
Its hard to think that in seven weeks – or less – everything will be different. I sit sometimes on the Rocking chair I still need to fix up, or in the laundry room I still need to finish emptying out.. and I think to myself.. I was still working on this stuff seven weeks ago. I play the song I swore I was going to record seven weeks ago, and I think.. maybe in a couple of weeks.
Its hard to think that in seven weeks, to one person, I will be a person with no history. I’m not that guy who did Into The Woods, not that guy crying because of a 10th grade breakup, not that guy who had to run away from Saint Mary’s. I won’t be the marshmallows on the ceiling guy, the Crucible guy, the Wayward Sun fan, the actor or the blogger.
I’ll just be Dad. Like my Dad. There will be a person to whom I will be the barrier from really fun but dangerous things, the enforcer of the bedtime, the shoulders to sit on, the guy you have to wait till HE comes home. Like My dad. One day, someone will tell my son Liam what I am really like, and he’ll laugh and say “My Dad? No WAY”.
Many of you have kids, and to you what I’m writing is “cute”. I will still be me, you’ll say. Or maybe you’ll say, “yeah, you’ll be totally different”. I’ve heard both. But tonight.. with Babytime just seven weeks away, I think.. oh S**T! But then I think.. – wow.. I can’t wait to meet him.. and to meet me.
The difference
The difference is that you realize that your life is not your own to live as you please. You have this kid who’s dependent on you for everything, and it changes how you view life. You lose your free time, and learn to prioritize and figure out what’s really important to you, and what — even though you may enjoy it — you have to leave out or scale back on.
As they approach school age, you realize that you’ve changed, but not necessarily just because of the child. Everybody’s always changing… any person who thinks he or she is the “rock in the storm” has just failed to notice his or her own changes. You spend all this time caring for a little person, and when that little person gains some autonomy, you realize six years have flown past, and you’re not the same person you were when you started.
I guess it just gives you a bigger reality check.
—
Matthew P. Barnson
Echoing Matt’s comments
It’s also something that is often hard to characterize. I often think about how it’s been since before George Bush was elected the first time – August of 2000 – that our life hasn’t centered on just the two of us. Since then, it’s been the three, and then four, of us. I said to someone recently, that when Princess #1 came to the hospital to meet Princess #2 for the first time, and we were alone just the four of us for the first time, that was when I felt most complete. Lucky, too, and thankful.
Maybe it’s not so hard to put into words.
Put into words..
No, you did well, my friend. Hope to see Lisa and/or kids at the dinner.
Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website Music, Acting, and More! http://www.timpane.com
Things I Have Learned
1) Knowing that you need to discipline your child, and actually discipling your child and having to see them cry, are two totally different things. You will be amazed at how hard it will be to punish your child. There’s a balancing act between loving your children and preparing them for the real world that starts the first time you tell them no or they get near the outlets and proabably never ends.
2) Conversely, they’ll say you shouldn’t get into bad habits with your children. We got our first son to sleep in his own bed by laying down with him until he fell asleep. Now, he won’t go asleep unless you lay down with him. Sometimes it’s a pain, but the time I get to spend with him telling him a storey and seeing him sleeping there peacefully and innocently, that’s the true definition of priceless. And, in two or three years, he won’t want ma anywhere near his bed anyway, so I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.
3) Whatever you think your child will be like. throw that away. He or she is exactly like you, and absolutely nothing like you, all at once. Make sure to learn who they are, because it’s someone totally new to this world.
4) Distraction is the key to conflict management with children.
5) Be prepared, upon the birth of your child, to feel an overwhelming feeling of protectiveness to your child, and your wife as well. I used to be pretty liberal and thought guns were bad and killing was something violent psychopaths did. Then I held my son for the first time, and a millon thoughts and emotions ran threw me, and for the first time, I understood. There is no length I wouldn’t go to protect my family. It’s a primal thing, I think.
6) You and your wife will have a re-arranging once the child is born. You will feel left out because she will be focussed on your new child. As a woman without children, she focussed her mothering skills on you. Not necessarily mothering, but caring. Now, she will focus them on your new baby, and you will feel like someone just turned off the heat lamp and you’re a little chilly. This is normal. She will also be a little jealous when you go out and have a life, because she probably won’t be because she’s staying with the child. She’ll probably inform you that you need to rearrange your priorities. This is normal.
7) Akin to #6 above, understand the emotional effects of sleep dperivation. Your tempers will flare much easier. There will be times when your baby just won’t go to sleep, it’ll be four in the morning, and you need to be up by 6. You may need to put the baby down for a few minutes and walk away. This is normal. You’ve probably been accustomed to dealing with other people using logic and rational thought. Neither of these things apply to a child, and you will lose them yourself when you’re sleep deprived at 4 in the morning.
8) This is a cliche, but it’s a cliche because it’s true: They grow SOOO fast. Make sure to take time to enjoy them at every stage, because just when you get used to them at that stage, they’re off into the next one. My oldest is a year away from kindergarten. KINDERGARTEN! He was just born last week, how the hell did that happen?
9) Last, cloth diapers make the best burp cloths. Cloth diapers soak up everything. Make sure you get cloth diapers, but not for diaper use.
I always remarked how when you got married, people celebrated and toasted you, rah rah rah. But when you have children, it’s like you’re entering the oldest secret society of all. That’s when your friend and relatives who are alreay in the club really pull you aside and give you lots of help. Because you will need it. Marriage isn’t really that hard. Marriage with children….that’s when the work begins. You now start the transition of existence for yourself to existence for another. But when your child hears your voice and comes running with excitement, that makes it all worthwhile.
Enjoy the moment, and the new life Steve
Great lessons
I really was struck by #5 and #7, although I can relate to all of these. Related to #5, I’ve found that I am pretty much pathetic when I see a movie where a kid dies or is kidnapped. I had friends who said that once you had kids you got more sensitive to that kind of thing. I didn’t believe him, but personal experience has born that out.
On #7, I really understood why people shake babies. You stand there over this child who has been keeping you up hours every night for weeks on end and it’s all you can do not to completely lose it. But somehow, probably because of #5, you don’t. By my third, however, I had discovered something that seems to have worked. Just to hit the highlight:
Saved my life this time around. I can’t believe I made it through two without this–seriously. (Always swaddled and held sideways, but it was the swinging and shushing that seemed to instantly turn off the crying.)
Simulating the womb
I didn’t mention that tidbit, but his theory (and it worked for me most of the time) is that you want to simulate the womb experience. Wrapping them up tightly is how they were closed in in the womb, and it also prevents them from startling themselves with their hands. That’s hilarious at 4 PM, very annoying at 4 AM.
The jiggling is the movements they felt in the womb. Most women state how the baby is active at night but sleep during the day. It’s because when the mommy is awake and moving, that creates a natural rocking motion which puts the baby to sleep. When the mommy lies in bed, there;s no rocking and it’s party-time.
The shooshing is like the sound of the heartbeat and blood movement from inside the womb.
Make sure you find someone to show you how to swaddle the baby so it can’t move its arms. Any OB nurse can show you.
Yes, I cannot understand how you shake a baby, but I can fully understand how you can shake a baby. That will make sense once you have a baby of your own.
My $.02 Weed
heh
Kel came home today saying “I have so much energy, I just have to clean the house or something” Usually a dream come true.. but thismeans.. nesting.. wow.. not much time to go.
Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website Music, Acting, and More! http://www.timpane.com