I never imagined myself as a Dad. Although I had been the third parent for my Brother and Sister on my Mom’s side, I just never conceived what it would be to be a dad. Here’s what I know now.
1) You’re not a dad.. you’re just you, and you’re the one who has to change the poopy, and he likes to fall asleep on you.. and you sure do love him.. and.. oh crap… you’re a dad.
2) You still have the same personal projects on your plate, and you’ll get to them.. but tomorrow.
3) Its tomorrow.. You still have the same personal projects on your plate, and you’ll get to them.. but tomorrow.
4) If you want to be on time, schedule yourself to be early. Not that it will make you on time, but you can say.. “I scheduled myself to be here early”.
5) Its not your kid, really.. its your parents’ kid.. they insist.. your wife is giving you the look.. tell them you’re the dad, and make sure they know their place.. then call them the next day and thank them for being so understanding cuz youre under so much stress.
6) Nothing is happening in the first six weeks. Not even a substitute.
7) Spit up and pee is clean, really. Its not dirty. Forget it happened.
8) Your wife can no longer eat or drink without spilling. Let it go.. she’ll get better.
9) You eat second. Your food will be cold. Learn to live with it. Let her eat.. dammit, don’t dunk your sandwich in her soup.. just let her eat.
10) The baby loves you – even though all the mean jobs have been relegated to you under the guise of “well you don’t have to feed him”.
There’s lots more, but these are the ones on my mind today.. oh, and –
11) The poopy flies at midnight.