I’ve been reflecting on the lyrics to the song “Lithium” by Evanescence this morning:
Lithium – don’t wana lock me up inside lithium – don’t wana forget how it feels without lithium – I wana stay in love with my sorrow oh but God I want to let it go
Not that I’m some terminally depressed person or something, but about every month or two I have an episode — usually a few days, sometimes a couple of weeks — where I just feel incredibly down and negative. By the time I recognize it myself, or that someone else calls me on it and I’m willing to believe them, I’m on the other end of it already and pretty soon I’m back to my normal, cheerful self.
It seems as if this is true about people in general, from what I can see. The person who plainly is much more negative without their meds doesn’t believe or care that they need them until they reach some point internally or externally when they have to take action. I lived in denial that the LDS temple ceremony freaked me out for a decade before I finally took action about it. Families with abuse problems keep it the “family secret”, undiscussed and buried until it inevitably leaks out.
Over, and over, and over again, we wallow in stupidity of our own making, denying the truth until we have no choice but to face it. And then once we arrive at that point, we lament the loss of the “good old days”.
Yet for some segments of society, there were no “good old days”. Imagine being a pro-equal-rights black man in the 1950s. Or being GLBT (Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/transsexual) today, with equal rights denied under the moniker of “special rights”. Or being a woman with ten children in Utah, locked in a motherly cell of your own making and forcing yourself to wear the happy face because it’s what you’re expected to do.
It’s unfair, yet railing about it is useless. People won’t take action unless they have to, and like I mentioned in the start of this frustrated rant, I’m just as guilty as everybody else.
I sometimes wish we could just take the Red Pill and break out of our collective stupor. But, just like Neo, we won’t make that choice until we have to.
Reprecussions
About 4 months ago, I found myself in such a depressed state.. and it passed.. as such things do. While in these states, i tend to act a little crazier.. like I’m trying to overcome the sad feelings with pure energy. Usually I just come off as weird.
The problem is.. I’ve been told recently by people from those 4 months ago that my behavior in that timeframe got me a bit of a rep among a small but interlinked cross-section of my little world – and now I have to live with the reprecussions.
The ironic thing here – is that getting that kind of info tends to make me all self-doubty – and that gets me depressed… which starts the cycle over again.
Erk. Oh well.. I’ll just get wrapped up in the world or Hogwarts one last time this week and then I can escape my own head for a bit.
On a side note.. it would be an interesting blog to note the positive effects of intense escapist entertainment.. (i.e. books or series on DVD or Video games – anything that takes a few days to a few weeks to complete) and its ability to get you through little periods like these.
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