Got this bit in my inbox, thought I’d share 🙂
FOR A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH & A WOMAN WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS
If THE AD says…. Then THE AD means….. 40-ish – 49 Adventurous – Slept with everyone Athletic – No tits Average looking – Ugly Beautiful – Pathological liar Contagious Smile – Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure- On medication Feminist – Fat Free spirit – Junkie Friendship first – Former very *friendly* person Fun – Annoying New Age – Body hair in the wrong places Open-minded – Desperate Outgoing – Loud and Embarrassing Passionate – Sloppy drunk Professional – Bitch Voluptuous – Very Fat Large frame – Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate – Stalker
WOMEN’S ENGLISH If she says….. Then she means….. 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry 6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = you better not 8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You’re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN’S ENGLISH If he says…… Then he means…… 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let’s have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you 11. Those shoes don’t go with that outfit = I’m gay