The “Can’t Leave It Alone” conundrum

Today I decided to read the comments on an article in the Salt Lake Tribune regarding this weekend’s upcoming Exmormon Foundation conference. One comment stuck out to me. I reproduce it below, posted by an individual with the alias of “Blessingstoyou”:

sistermissionary wrote: “Same old thing. Those who leave the Church cannot leave it alone.” It saddens me that you would write such a thing. From growing up in the church I heard this rhetoric many times before, and unfortunately, I still hear it today. Why is your heart so hardened that you feel the need to diminish the feelings of others because they think or believe differently than yourself? Let me give you an example. Let’s say that you purchased a car without doing any research on the make or model or read any consumer reports on the vehicle and never had it inspected by a third party mechanic before you bought it. You simply believed everything about the car the salesman told you. You bought it because it ‘fit you’ in that time of your life and made you look good and feel good while driving it. The price was right, the color was your favorite, mileage was good and everything on the outside seemed to meet your needs. It was what you thought at the time … the perfect car for you. You bought it and drove it off the lot, happy as can be. It served you good and got you from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ except for what you thought were a few minor problems that kept coming up, but you were able to give them temporary fixes to keep it running without taking it in to a mechanic. Sooner or later, the problems with the car continued to multiply to the point where you could no longer ignore them. You had no choice but to take the car into a mechanic. Once at the mechanics, after lifting up the hood, you got the bad news that the car you bought had several recalls, and that the engine, steering and gas tank were faulty and it was a miracle you had driven the car as long as you had without any serious accidents. You stand there shocked and appalled. You had no idea it was as bad as it was. The mechanic tells you that no amount of money you can throw at it will make it any better. There is nothing he can do to fix it. It is a lost cause. You go home and start doing your research. You find out all the problems with the car, read about all the recalls, and are sick that you believed everything the salesman told you. You feel you should have known better. You think back to that day when you were so happy to buy that car. How it made you feel. You even remember the first song you played on the radio. You remember how it smelled. All the good feelings you experienced when you bought it come rushing back to you. On the other hand, you also feel angry at being taken … believing foolishly in the salesman who sold it to you. You want to call all your friends and family and warn them. You don’t want them making the same mistake you made. When you make your calls to warn others and tell them about your experiences and what you found out about your car and what the mechanic told you, all you hear is that there is nothing really wrong with your car at all. They tell you to ignore the recalls, and that the mechanic is blowing smoke up your skirt. It’s really all your fault, for taking it in to a mechanic in the first place. This logic from others escapes you because you know the car had problems after you purchased it. You know it did, because you experienced them first hand. After all, that is why you finally had to take it in to a mechanic. The problems wouldn’t go away and you finally had to do something about them, only to get the bad news that the car couldn’t be fixed. Everything you have read about the car confirms what the mechanic told you. You even research others who bought the same car and find out that they too experienced the same problems you did. So what do you do? Do you believe your friends and family who tell you there is really nothing wrong with your car? Do you continue to drive it knowing that it is faulty and may cause an accident and cause harm to your self and others? Do you believe the mechanic and the recall reports and the consumer reports? Who do you believe? Answer that question to yourself. What would you do? This is similar, to how many feel about their religion that they were born into or may have converted to when they have the whole picture to look at instead of just part of it. If you found out from a friend that they were going to buy the same car as you did, would you sit quietly by and let them do it without at least giving them warning of your personal experiences? Or would you encourage them to read everything they could find on the car and have all the facts in front of them before making such a financial investment. Religion should not be treated any differently than any other part of our life decision making process. Why is that we just accept what we are being told because it makes us ‘feel good’ even though we get that nagging feelings that something may be off? Is it the feeling we want to keep having? Does it make us feel all is well with the world? Is our way of not coping with what is … but our wanting to cope with what we want it to be – whatever that is?