So I received one of the regular light-bulb joke routines in my inbox. I thought a few of these were clever, so here they are!
CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None Candles only.
Baptists : At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken
Episcopalians: 3 One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5 One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarian We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene : 6 One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None Lutherans don’t believe in change.
Jewish Grandmothers: 0 It’s all right, I’ll just sit in the dark and suffer!!
Amish: What light bulb?
Nice
I love it. Particularly the Unitarian one.
I loved…
I loved the Jewish Grandmother one. I totally heard Marilyn in my head!
She’s not a grandmother (yet), though…
—
Matthew P. Barnson
FYI
FYI, the “it’s okay I’ll sit in the dark” line is a perennial standard at the Synagogue. 🙂
From the theatre
–How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Ten. One to screw it in and the other 9 to stand around and say “I could have done that better. They should have chosen me to screw in the lightbulb.”
— How many divas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and the other to kick the chair out from under the first one.
— How many lighting electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb.
It’s called a lamp, you idiot. (Only hardcore techies might get that one)
The only other lightbulb jokes I know might be considered cruel and degrading to various philosophies or genders, so I’ll leave it at that.
How many sopranos does it
How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10. One to stand on the ladder and the other nine to say, “Isn’t that a little high for you, dear?”
How many baritones does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
“You can screw in a lightbulb? Cool.”
— Ben