I just discovered a treasure trove of Larry Kersten quotes. Man, it’s amazing that one pessimistic sociologist can dream up so many inventive ways to humorously surrender to the human condition…
“Adversity – That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.”
“CONSULTING: If you’re not a part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.”
“Teamwork – A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.”
“Procrastination: Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now”
“Retirement – Because you’ve given so much of yourself to the company that you don’t have anything left we can use.”
“Achievement – You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.”
“Nepotism – We promote family values here almost as often as we promote family members.”
“Overconfidence – Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.”
“Sacrifice – Your role may be thankless, but if you’re willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.”
“Insanity – It’s difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be. Especially when you’re insane.”
“Dreams – Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.”
“Incompetence – When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there’s no end to what you can’t do.”
“Loneliness – If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you’re not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone.”
“Failure – When your best just isn’t good enough.”
“Pessimism – Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.”
“Blame – The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.”
“Cluelessness – There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.”
“Hazards – There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and you’re pretty much doomed.”
“Power – Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.”
“Bitterness – Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there’s nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.”
“Apathy – If we don’t take care of the customer, maybe they’ll stop bugging us.”
“Agony – Not all pain is gain.”
“Arrogance – The best leaders inspire by example. When that’s not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too.”
“Discovery – A company that will go to the ends of the earth for its people will discover it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans.”
“Ambition – The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.”
“Humiliation – The harder you try, the dumber you look.”
“Elitism – It’s lonely at the top. But it’s comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.”
“Dysfunction – The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.”
“Demotivation – Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.”
“Defeat – For every winner there are dozens of losers. Odds are you’re one of them.”
“Fear – Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.”
“Stupidity – Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.”
“Mediocrity – It takes a lot less time and most people won’t notice the difference until it’s too late.”
“Pretension – The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you’re pretentious.”
“Flattery – If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom.”