The Four Truths

I just received four important truths in my inbox:

THE FOUR TRUTHS
In times of misunderstanding, it is important for Persons of diverse faith to recognize these Four Religious Truths.

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the Leader of the Christian World.
4. Mormons do not recognize each other in Wendover, Nevada.

I just received four important truths in my inbox:

THE FOUR TRUTHS In times of misunderstanding, it is important for Persons of diverse faith to recognize these Four Religious Truths.

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the Leader of the Christian World. 4. Mormons do not recognize each other in Wendover, Nevada.

For those not familiar with the geography, Wendover is about 100 miles west of Salt Lake City, and is a massive gaming town. Over 80% of their business comes from the Wasatch Front, which includes Salt Lake City. Mormons are not supposed to gamble, and income from gambling is not allowed to be directly contributed to the church. For many years, those who worked as dealers or security for casinos were not permitted to get temple recommends or hold certain church jobs.

Well, the old missive holds: if you have to explain a joke, it ain’t funny.

3 thoughts on “The Four Truths”

    1. Fishing

      Reminds me of why you always take at least at least two Mormons on a fishing trip.

      If you only take one, he’ll drink all your beer (bah-dump)!

      1. More…

        Here are a couple more…

        The Dean of Women at BYU was lecturing her students on sexual morality. “We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,” she said, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

        A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, “Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?”

        A elderly Mormon asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred.

        The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?”

        “No,” he replied, “I’ve never done either.”

        “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?” inquired the doctor.

        “No, I’ve never done any of those things either.”

        “Well then,” said the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

        An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

        The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

        The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the day when we drank together.

        So I drinks one for each a me brothers and one for meself.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

        One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

        The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.

        “Oh, no. Everyone’s fine,” He explains, “I just joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking.”

        A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young LDS woman with five small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answer was “Yes.”

        Asked how she used it, she said, “To assist sexual intercourse.”

        The interviewer was amazed. He said, “I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child’s bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you’ve been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?”

        “Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out.”

        It’s Show and Tell day in school, and each kid has to bring something that represents their faith.

        Little Mary walks to the front and says in a very soft voice, “My name is Mary. I’m Catholic, and this is a rosary.”

        Little Isaac walks to the front and says, “My name is Isaac. I’m Jewish and this is a dreidel.”

        Little Nephi walks up and says, “My name is Nephi. I’m LDS and this is a casserole.”

        —
        Matthew P. Barnson

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