Welp. Here I am again, staggering from another psychofiscal blow from my ex.
Somehow, the law in the united states has been altered. Instead of divorce proceedings being ‘a fair division of family proceeds’ they have become nothing more than an arena for allowing a woman to destroy a guy’s life. She can abuse him physically and emotionally, divorce him (no fault really means no warning) And enslave him for the rest of his life for a decision he never made.
for the last ten years I have been hounded by a child support bill so far in excess of my income that I have never even been able to come close to paying it, let alone getting caught up with it… a continuing cycle of attempting to hold a job, being imprisoned, garnished to the point where I cannot afford a plae to live or a vehicle to get to work, winding up homeless and penniless because the punishment….never…stops.
And now, I discover that not only is over half of my paycheck has been deleted, I recieve a court order to provide insurance for my ex, the total of which actually EXCEEDS my monthly income. There is a word for workign without pay… indentured servitude. At least slaves get food and shelter. (anyone want to buy an overweight white male, slightly used, hard worker, easily distractible, but strong?)
Literally, every single month I work, I wind up with a paycheck of ZERO and a bill of about 30 bucks for insurance.
Well, on the plus side, I think, now that melissa and I are providing two incomes (even though mine is a joke) I will be able to afford a good lawyer to finally tie this garbage up in court for a while and stop the enslavement and continuing abuse (I hope)
If I am lucky I may even be able to get the perpetrator thrown into jail for Lying under oath. I am not banking on it, though, since in the united states men are guilty until proven guilty and women are innocent even if proven guilty, but who knows? I may get lucky here in Utah.
*crosses fingers and hopes*
Luckily I am not alone. Not even in my feelings of alienization, victimization and abuse from a law system rooted in radical misandry.
http://ancpr.com/
If anyone else needs protection from an abusive situation like mine, I suggest you act IMMEDIATELY…don’t wait years and hope that it goes away, or pretend it doesn’t exist. IT ONLY GETS WORSE! Contact a lawyer the moment it happens, especially if you are a male, because your only protection from a virtual flogging is to act first, call the police, file complaints, and create a paper trail.
Anyway, good luck people. Maybe some of you haven’t lost your faith in the law’s fairness, but I suggest you plan for the worst.
Recoure
As a child of and additional witness to child support, let me offer the following thoughts..
1) Go to the agency which is enforcing your support bills and tell them your situation. Your child support can be altered, without the help of a lawyer to reflect your current income.
2) Write a letter to the judge who decided on the initial amount of your support and supply him with documents showing your monthly bills and monthly income. Do the math for him, and request a hold on your payment on the grounds of undue hardship.
3) Find out if there is an organization who can help you in this endeavor.
4) And here’s where I hope you forgive me. Check your anger at the door. Your post focused a lot on your anger toward your ex – is it Alimony you are paying or child support? I note that the only vague reference you make to the child in question is “a decision he never made.” I hope that refers to your divorce and not your child. (BTW: if I’m wrong and there is no child involved, I am sorry). If the insurance is for your child, then your child deserves insurance, if its for your ex, find documentation of that.
The following assumes there is a child involved. 5) Imagine your child was living with you.. how much would he/she cost you? Include insurance, clothes, food, school, medical bills, toys, and other opportunities. Divide that in half. that is how much your contribution should be. If your contribution is significantly more than that, address it with whoever will listen, and try to get justice for yourself. If it is less, then you need to improve your income. Work 2 jobs. Work 3. That is what your child deserves.
I’m sorry for the harshness. I know it must be horrible, and you should not be forced to be in poverty. that is a travesty of justice. Your goal needs to be (and MUST seem to a judge) that you are incredibly eager to financially contribute as much as you can to your kid (who, again, is not mentioned in your post.. you just say you’re giving money to your ex) – and then try to work out a plan that is feasible.
Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website Music, Acting, and More! http://www.timpane.com
Answers:
Answers: 1. Tried, and nothing happened except jailtime. This particular situation occured while I was unemployed (and had no clue I owed money), and with the payments required plus the payments on the ‘back amount’ I was literally paying more than I made a month. I don’t think you understand how…. brutal, unforgiving, and unfair the laws regarding child support are, especially in Maryland. 2. a ‘hold on the payments’ is only useful if you are only slightly in debt. by the time I discovered it, I was greatly in debt, and the judge was highly unsympathetic (once again, homeless, unable to keep a job due to the lack of funds to maintain even a poverty lifestyle) 3. I have been for years, but the label of ‘deadbeat dad’ automatically prejudices anyone from helping you. No matter how unjustified it is. Add to that a false claim of spousal abuse (My ex used to hit me in the back regularly, and the one time I tried to stop her she sprained her wrist and filed an abuse claim against me…. for trying to stop her from hitting me.)and I am lucky if even my own family don’t spit on me. (Fortunately, none of my family ever actually spat on me, but the cold glares and lectures about responsibility were nearly as bad, as well as a stubborn refusal of any kind of moral or emotional support. No one likes to be looked at as a criminal or villain by their own family.) 4. After ten years of Harassment, theft, lies to my family, and generally making my life a living hell, don’t you think that perhaps a little anger is justified? If a stranger walked into your home every day for ten years and made off with everything valuable you ever had, raided your wallet, ran up your phone and electric and water bills to where you couldn’t pay them, and got you fired from every job you ever held, wouldn’t you be a little…..peeved? 5) 800+ dollars a month in child support plus another 500+ in insurance IS alimony. I have never even been allowed to actually SEE my daughter since she was less than a year old. If I come within a thousand miles of Maryland to visit her (I am an abusive parent, remember?) I have to ask her permission to even see my daughter, which will most likely be refused, and a couple of nice men dressed in blue with guns will be waiting to take me to jail.
I don’t know what kind of a saint I am supposed to be, but I am not capable of ‘loving’ someone I have barely met. It may seem harsh to you, but my ex has turned my daughter from someone I am supposed to love into nothing but a massive albatross hanging around my neck.
-Democracy: founded on the principal that 1000 people are automatically smarter than any one person. Excuse me? -Dictatorship: founded on the principal that one person is automatically smarter than any thousand people. Come again?
I understand..
Your anger is certainly justified, there is no doubt about that – but it can serve to undermine what you want to accomplish.
I do know quite a bit about child support laws in Maryland.. but from the other side. I have seen amounts get changed and changed again in favor of a father who had the means but not the will to support his kids. (I am in no way implying that is you).
In response: 1 and 2) How long has it been since the Jailtime – and how much has your situation changed? It would behoove you to go to the agency again, and again.. until someone can hear you. Child support is based largely on income.. how did the judge come to the fact that you owe 800 a month.. and how did the insurance get tacked on? These issues can be addressed.
3) Embrace the title of “deadbeat dad”, then show an eagerness to change. Whether or not you truly believe this is true, you have a strong “I have learned a lot and am willing to try” case going for you. As for the abuse charges – unless you were convicted of a crime in that case, they should not be allowed in any way into a child support discussion. They are irrelevant. The only relevant factors are money owed and your ability to pay and still live. Visit your local social services office and try to get a male social worker if you can – female if not.. someone who will hear you out – they can be the starting point for a solution.
4) I will address last.
5) Again.. I assume you are officially paying Child Support. I am still curious how a 500 dollar insurance payment got added without keeping in mind your income.
I assume the “thousand miles” is an exaggeration, but I get your jist. Were you ever shown to be an “abusive parent” – or just the spousal stuff? If not, you could fight that.. get some supervised visits. Call social services in Maryland and try.. and try.. and try some more.
Get a case worker who will get you telephone time apart from your ex.. tell them you have never harmed your daughter, that your jail time was related to child support issues alone (a non-violent conviction) – that there was a single incident with your wife where she hit you and you grabbed her too hard.. and that you wish to God you hadnt.. but that its been a year.. and you have the right to have some access to your daughter. If you get nowhere after a few months, switch case workers.. then do it again… use the system.
You are not supposed to be a saint.. but if you are being forcibly kept from your daughter – a primary goal in your life is to be whatever you can for her.. and it will be hard.. she will likely hate you – if her Mom is as bad as you say, lord knows what she’s been told.. but keep trying.. eventually the effort will be noticed. Remember, the ONLY no-fault party in this scenario is her. She’s not an albatross.. she doesn’t know any of that.. She’s just a kid who has a right to know her Dad.
As for the anger.. curb it. Really. Let it go. Your fight is to prove to the powers that be that you are rational, non-abusive, willing to work with the system, willing to pay what you can, eager to know your kid, and that the ex issues are in the past.
Pretend for now, but eventually, you gotta let that go. Whatever happened is done.. refuse to play the game. If she comes at you with accusations, tell her you don’t want her to be unhappy, but that you can’t engage in angry discussions.. tell her you are always available for a calm discussion. Document these times.
You don’t want to be judged.. but your posts have had a bit of venom (“Living Hell”, “Albatross”, “Thousand Miles”, “Guys with guns”, and a lot of focus on what a bad person your ex is) .. and dude, I DON’T fault you for that (you may well be the victim in this.. and cuz you’re the one I know, I’m on your side).. but a judge will.
You need to seem calm, confident, and willing to play ball. Be the opposite of every thing she accuses you of. Friendly, confident, calm, and supremely interested in the welfare of the child. Come with a plan, and basically say “Hey, Mr. Social worker.. here are the numbers… and i WANT to pay it all off – .. but it’s eating me alive.. I want to see myself in a better situation in 3 years.. how do I do this?”
The system is fairly supportive of “I want to turn my life around” guys who show initiative to follow through (I know.. I am part of the Health and Human Services system – and my first license was in MD). But what we look for is real evidence that this person is willing to let the past go and start ANEW – with positivity.
I am not throwing accusations at you.. I really want to hear from you in a year saying that things are a lot better. You don’t seem like a bad guy based on your earlier posts – and I am truly sorry this has happened.
Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website Music, Acting, and More! http://www.timpane.com
Use the Force…
I feel sorry for your current situation. I can’t say that i have been in your shoes, but I have been down before and it will be a struggle to get back on your feet. The best things in life are worth fighting for.
You are entitled to your anger, but anger is quicker, easier, more seductive – Path of least resistance. Yoda stated it best when he said that “Fear is the path to the dark side: fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering”.
I think your key here is to figure out what you want – not what everyone else wants. Do you want to be impoverished and destitute? Do you want a part in your kids’ life? The cold reality of it is if you don’t want it, no one is going to give a damn. You have to want to make a change before someone else will help you. I am not sure where your talents lay. There are hundreds of thousands of jobs in the US – find one, two, whatever… The key to it is to exceed at whatever it is; Even if your job is a ditch digger, be the best ditch digger. But you are going to have to want it. It all starts with you. Placing blame is an excuse not to do something and excuses suck. All excuses do is waste time while you come to grips with what you have to do.
Sorry didn’t mean to rant…
Suggestions…
1) Get a job. Any job, but make sure it is one that you can and will do. 2) Volunteer your time. A good way to remove your “labels” is to change them yourself. Go volunteer at a veteran’s hospital (close to my heart), a soup kitchen, any number of other needy causes. Better yet, contact the local law enforcement and find out what local events you can volunteer for. 3) Find a hobby – something that will get your mind off of the current situation. Everyone needs an outlet – draw, write, get in shape, etc. 4) Find a support group. – Find a battered husband support group to help you work out your fears and angers. This will go a long way to your recovery. You can make a lot of contacts here. I would imagine that this would be a great place to find people who you can talk to and who can offer advice from experience. 5) Find a lawyer that can work with you. There are services that offer lawyers for little or no money. They are usually there on a volunteer basis, but the only way you are going to get through the legal BS in this case is with a lawyer. This will give you someone who will represent you and give you the separation you need. This way your emotions are separated when they speak on your behalf.
The ideas aren’t earth shattering, but you have to know that things will not change till you take matters into your own hands.
If you want to talk to a social worker about changing things with alimony / child support / etc. then make an appointment and show up. It is infinitely harder to ignore or reject someone who is standing there in front of you. Bring references for your character. Once you have a job, ask them for character references. You are not a BAD guy – you are just in a BAD situation and need some help to find your way out. Perception is reality a lot of times, so you need to work on changing people’s perception of you.
Have you ever filed complaints against her? Harassment, abuse, what-have-you? Do you have friends who could vouch for the validity of them during the timeframe that they occurred?
Is she re-married? Does she make money outside of what you provide? Those things are taken into account when figuring child support and alimony.
The point I want to leave you with is that your situation will only change once YOU want it to change and YOU take steps to make it happen. I would highly recommend you lawyer up as soon as possible to protect yourself.
Here
Dude, you know I’m here for you, and always have been. We have disagreements, as brothers will, but that’s part of what I’m here for.
Give me a call, let me know when you’re free, and let’s sit down and figure out why the insurance was added and if your child support can be lowered due to your current penury. I have a good relationship with Andrea, and if you would rather not speak to her, I will gladly discuss your situation and see if we can come to a reasonable accommodation which acknowledges your financial difficulty while meeting your obligations.
As a side note: your ex-wife was moved to tears of gratitude upon reception of the child support payment. There are many sides to every story, and I think it is critical to avoid ultimatums when negotiating.
That said, due to the tens of thousands of child support in arrears, federal law allows that 65% of your disposable paycheck may be withheld. That is after pre-tax insurance costs, taxes, Medicare, and Social Security. If more than 65% of your paycheck is being withheld, you can and should contest the judgment. Your HR department is probably a good place to start to help you know who to talk to, because legally child support is not allowed to garnish more than 65% of your take-home pay.
—
Matthew P. Barnson
So when do I get my tears of
So when do I get my tears of Gratitude? When I am trying to explain to my wife that my ex lied about my average income under oath before a judge to strip me of any cash? When I make more than 30 dollars on a monthly paycheck? Wait, perhaps it’s when my drivers license was taken away and I lost my job? oooh…maybe my gratitude should have come when I was rotting in a jail cell in indiana, once again losing a job?
Maybe my gratitude is a little delayed by getting fired when my workplace recieved an order of Garnishment? Or when I am sleeping sick and half-frozen in a car I don’t even own because I cannot afford to pay the rent or even eat?
I know, My gratitude will probably be overflowing when I am choking on the barrel of a pistol I am shoving down my own throat because I cannot handle being shackled for the rest of my life to a manipulative woman that decided to destroy my life because she was ‘bored with me’.
Oh, I know what I should be grateful for… my family loves and trusts her.
Sorry if this sounds a little vitriolic, but after 10 years I am getting a little tired of remaining silent.
Silent?
Well then go find the right people to help you, and go do something about it. It’s in your power. That was the point of my post. I am happy to help however I can, and think you can improve your situation with a little effort. It is illegal according to federal law for your entire discretionary income to be seized for child support. You have a strong case and can easily prove it if the situation is as you describe. Go plead your case, show your social worker your pay stubs, and get the problem fixed.
Let me know how I can help, but via phone rather than than on the blog; you have my number.
—
Matthew P. Barnson
What Are You Looking For?
Brian,
I don’t know you. I don’t know all the facts about your situation. Personally, I’m disturbed reading about it. I’m disturbed about how you describe being treated. I’m disturbed by your tone as well as an umplied sense of helplessness.
However, since you decided to bring this out in the open on a blog, my guess is you want help or advice. If your sole reason for posting was to rant, however, please ignore the rest of this post, as I will ignore anything else posted.
First and foremost, I hope you’ve gotten all the ranting out of your system. It’s doing you no damn good. Maybe it feels good to attack your ex and play the “Woe is me” card, but it’s ultimately detrimental to your situation.
You know what? Maybe you got the shaft. Maybe life has been unfair to you. Maybe you’ve been given the shaft, and it sucks. Know what? Oh effing well.
You’ve posted your sob story, and three people have given you advice, offered to help. To all three people, all you offered back was more hatred and sob story. If all you want is someone to cry with you over a beer about how bad you got it, go to a bar. This blog is full of people who would rather work to fix their problems instead of complain about them. If you’re looking to swap misogynistic battle tales, this isn’t the place.
When you keep ranting after being given sound advice, I start to think maybe there’s some thing you’re not telling us. Maybe there’s more to it than a vindictive ex-wife and a unbalanced judicial system. Maybe you’re the kind of guy who can’t see his own faults. Maybe you’re one of those people for whom it’s never your fault.
Very rarely does a marriage fall apart solely because of one of the spouses. Are you REALLY innocent of any and all wrongdoing in the failure of your marriage? Was there ABSOLUTELY no reason for you to be arrested for abuse? To lose your license? Your job? Stories like yours happen more in fiction books and movies than in real life.
I doubt you because you don’t seem keen of accepting help, but more keen on wallowing in self-pity. You’ve been givem sound advice so far…listen to it. Heed it.
There’s no way they can take that much of your paycheck. If they are, you’re being wronged. If you can’t get it fixed, you’re not pushing hard enough. If you’re not working, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough.
If what you say is true, and you’ve been shit upon as much as you describe, then you have two choices: get swallowed in the shit, or work that much harder to pull yourself out of it. First, you have to let your ex-wife go. You’re keeping her alive in your hatred, and that’s consuming valuable resources you could be applying elsewhere. Blaming her is simply a way to procrastinate, to rationalize why your life the way it is. I’m not saying forgive or forget, but simply put that chapter of your life behind you. Reliving it is obviously killing you slowly and painfully.
You can rail at me too, if you want. I don’t know what you went through, I don’t understand. Who the hell am I to talk to you like this? Well, you posted in here, so you wanted either help or attention. If this isn’t the help or attention you wanted, oh well. And yes, I don’t know what you’ve been through. Via luck and better life choices, I’ve avoided the pitfalls you’ve fallen into. You can call me an asshole for pointing it you to you, or you can follow my lead (and Justin’s, Matt’s, etc) and use us as guidelines on how to live a better life.
Look: do you want to be complaining about your ex still in a month? A year? Five years? Is that what you want to have to look forward to? You had a child, so you should bear that responsibility, regardless of whether or not you see her. Go to the courts and fight for fairness in fiscal dealings with your wife. If what you’re telling us is true, and you document it, and you show the judge you’re not an angry, abusive deadbeat man, he/she’ll rectify the situation. And if they don’t, try again. Try until your get your story heard. Go to the press and the media.
Just don’t give up. That would be the worst part of your story.
My $.02 Weed
Confirmations…
The Department of Motor Vehicles can and will seize drivers licenses for non-payment of child support. In many jobs, garnishment of wages will raise suspicion about an employee, leading to an investigation which might turn up additional background information sufficient for termination due to excessive risk. In today’s risk-averse corporate environment, there are few second chances.
That said, one side of a story is very rarely an accurate picture. Unfortunately, today we very rarely get the full picture from the employer due to liability concerns. If they get something wrong, it’s slander. If they tell the truth, they may end up in an expensive tort.
—
Matthew P. Barnson
For your safety…
I mean no disrespect, but you are clearly dealing with some emotional and possibly psychiatric issues, and it may be in your best interests to speak to a therapist of call a hotline as soon as possible.
If for no other reason, do it because you “don’t want her to win”. Make yourself healthy. Your post isn’t vitriolic, it sounds suicidal, and you have no reason to be talking about suicide (18 months ago, you were blogging about cablemodems and WoW).
You clearly have a wife now who loves you, but you are obsessed with a woman who left you ten years ago. You shouldn’t be bothered by the fact that she got “bored with you”. Why do you give a sh*t about that? You have a wife now, you should be focused on HER, not your ex. Here’s an interesting idea.. your wife would not want you to be in love with your ex.. but the opposite of love is NOT hate.. it is Apathy.
But your emotion IS NOT.. (let me repeat) IS NOT about your situation.. its all hate for her.
Let me tell you something, friend. I lost everything when I was 18 because someone threw my stuff on the front lawn and changed the locks – I slept in the White Flint parking lot before having to beg Dennis and Shirley to let me live with them. This was two weeks after graduation, I was a kid with no idea how the world worked, and that son of a bitch had no right to do that to me. I was homeless, penniless, jobless, in a flailing relationship, and living under the charity of others.
It took me years to get over that and the things that followed that – I had to claw my way back.. (Matt undoubtedly remembers me calling him when I was depressed in College) – and now, today, I sit next to this man who is not even a friend or relative any longer.. and is sometimes horrible to my mother, and I am nice to him, friendly, and we have no problems even though I would be within my rights.. and do you know why? IT DOES ME NO GOOD TO STAY ANGRY. People, including myself and him, benefit more greatly by me letting the anger go and simply trying to get along.
Every post you have made is “Bad ex, mean ex, evil ex, all her fault, I did nothing wrong, she got bored”. And honestly, although I may not share Weed’s directness, I do think that if you were to read your own posts, you would see, it goes like this:
You: “Everything’s unfair, my Ex is a horrible person, I’ve done nothing wrong!”
Us: “Here are some solutions, but stop worrying so much about your ex”.
You: “But I’m so angry, let me tell you more of how bad she is, and how I did nothing wrong” (Ignoring solutions)
Us: “Dude, calm down. Your anger will keep you from accomplishing your goals. Here are more solutions.. just let the anger go”
You: “My ex is horrible, I want to put a gun in my mouth, but I swear I did nothing wrong”
Us: (To ourselves) “We want to be on this guy’s side, but I almost believe his wife’s story.. and I’ve only ever heard HIS side! This sounds like a really angry, spiteful guy who could sprain a wrist in a moment of anger, and who.. after hearing that he is talking about guns and suicide and hating his kid’s mother.. maybe he SHOULD be kept away from his daughter until he LETS THE ANGER GO!.”
You seem like a possible danger to yourself or others – and well, read your old posts.. you weren’t like this! You don’t need to be!
PLEASE.. listen to what we, strangers, are saying.. THE TONE OF YOUR POSTS IS HATE FILLED AND UNHEALTHILY SO. WE’RE SORRY LIFE SHAT ON YOU. We’re not your enemies.. we’re all just trying to use different tactics to say “LET THE ANGER GO”.
Think about it.. a thousand ants at a picnic can’t be wrong.
(And I think I speak for everyone.. we don’t hate you, we’re not unsympathetic, we want you to be happy, to get out of this, to have a happy life and be a blog friend for a long time. But we are firmly saying: “Help yourself get better”)
Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website Music, Acting, and More! http://www.timpane.com
Part of the problem stems
Part of the problem stems from the fact that for the last ten years I have kept my mouth shut, and the only side that a lot of people who are on this board have heard are hers. So, when I found out what was going to happen to me (and yes, there are laws in the united states that literally allow someone to take every penny someone earns away from them, not even leaving them enough to live… My paycheck was, literally, for thirty dollars on my last two week check…and that was with nearly ten hours of overtime!) I am literally filled with this anger that this…person… is ruining my life NOW for something that happened ten years ago.
Justin, I do know your situation very well. I was kinda there for part of it, remember? but it’s really hard to compare getting kicked out of your folks place (remember, it happened to me too) for a few weeks to being literally helpless and homeless for upwards of ten years, with no way to change the situation.
I have petitioned the appropriate social services departments, sometimes literally dozens of times (40….46 letters and an unknown number of phone calls over the years) and the universal response has been “We don’t help deadbeat dads trying to get out of what they got coming to them.” Regardless of how unfair or unjustified that situation may be.
I was divorced by this woman years and years ago, yet literally, every day I have shoved in my face the fact that she owns my life. It’s not really a matter of ‘getting over’ her as anger that she won’t leave me alone.
Yes, I have considered suicide, and several other socially objectionable cures to the situation, but I know at heart I am a fairly nice guy, and wouldn’t actually do something like that. And yet, every day when I look at the hellhole where I and my wife are forced to live because the money I should be able to use to help us get a place of our own has gone to alimony disguised as child support, it’s shoved in my face. Every time I have to beg for a ride to my job, every letter I get from CSE demanding I pay money they already took from me, every time Melissa has to pay a bill I should be paying but cannot, once again shoves into my face the fact that I am a slave to the whims of someone else.
I am not, generally, a hating person. I don’t typically have many strong emotions of any type. But I have learned that a continual campaign of aggressive persecution over what is likely to be over a quarter of my life CAN make me hate.
I have tried the ‘acceptable channels’ again and again, and since my ex refuses to listen to reason (after all, why should you pay attention to the chicken that’s laying your golden eggs?) I can, literally, only percieve 3 solutions to the problem. Two of which are objectonable to me, personally, and one of which, while justified, is not going to happen with the current feminazi laws. Tanj.
I am sorry that a lot of people cannot see the discrimination when it stares them in the face, and I know that no amount of posts will change their opinions. Ask a white plantation owner about his slaves in the 1700’s and the answer will be that they are happy, healthy, and well-treated…and he likely truly believes this and his opinion wouldn’t change unless he himself were treated like a slave and thus had a framework for understanding.
If anyone would like me to provide links showing similar cases where judicial systems were so clearly and unfairly biased, I can show tens of thousands of them…that’s not an overstatement. And telling a Slave that they are ‘in need of psychiatric and emotional help’ because they are unwilling to accept the fact that they are a slave and angry at the person that is keeping them in that state ad infinatum is not only counterproductive, it’s really offensive.
One of the things that also, really bugged me, was something that happened recently.
are you aware that federal funding for breast cancer research is nearly seventy times that of federal funding for prostate cancer research? And that one out of five men die from prostate cancer? only one in 26 women die from breast cancer.
In the last year, six times as many men have died from prostate cancer than women have died from breast cancer.
In the past year(2006), 700 charges of rape have been filed and prosecuted, and were later recanted by the ‘victims’ as an excuse to win child custody, as a blackmail tactic, or a way to gain an advantage? of those 700 recanted testimonies, only 3 prisoners were released, and not ONE has had the incident stricken from their records.
False reports of abuse and domestic violence are much, much greater than that.
The list of unfair and abused laws literally goes on and on. Here are a few sites that might help but this in perspective.
National Center For Men Domestic Abuse: Junk Science The No Nonsense Man Media Radar Jesse Jackson and the Rights of Men Judge Exposes Inequality Of Women JStor Article Dr. Mills LMU Tiger Review GWB.Com Feitz Article
EDIT by matthew: Linkified to fix page formatting.
Psychiatric help…
To be fair, the psychiatric help comment was inspired by the gun comment. And really.. as a one-time consumer of psychiatric help, I don’t mean it as an insult. I think you would benefit from talking to a therapist.. and if that gun idea pops up again, you need to tell someone.
I never want to offend you, dude, I consider you a friend.. but I will always shoot straight with you.
Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website Music, Acting, and More! http://www.timpane.com
“A Lot Of People”
Your ex-wife hasn’t posted anything here in nearly a year. She has never commented on this board about your relationship, other than mentioning when and how you met. I talk to you WAY more than I ever talk to your Ex. Additionally, I don’t make it a practice to discuss you or your relationships with my friends, and of the regular contributors perhaps only Justin or Jon were even reasonably familiar with your history.
The only side that most people on this board have about your issues with your Ex… is your side. Because you’re the first person ever to post here about them.
I learned something important a few years ago: other people spend an awful lot less time thinking about me than I do. Most importantly, most (including family) never think or talk about me unless I’m having a direct impact on their lives in some way.
You’re on the radar today due to your post. I didn’t know much about this issue before, other than you having served jail time in Indiana due to back child support. But to infer that there had been any kind of factionalization going on prior to your post would be incorrect.
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Matthew P. Barnson
I think about you..
ALL THE TIME, Matt. Every waking moment.
Wait.. are you Jennifer Connelley?
Visit the Official Justin Timpane Website Music, Acting, and More! http://www.timpane.com
There are always 3 sides…
There are always 3 sides to every story. The way you saw it – the way she saw it – and the way it actually happened.
I haven’t talked / communicated with you since I left High School. I remember hanging out with you during that time and really thought of you as a friend. I remember Matt & I getting rides from you up to Lakeforest Mall.
That is obviously all in the past. A lot has changed. Everyone has grown up. Been through the thick of things in their own ways. Your situation is no different than what anyone on this blog has been through. The difference is how you handle it.
I think we all feel compassion for your situation. I know that my wife is one of the big reasons for where I am today and why I have made it through some of the things that I have. I have been screwed over by past relationships. I have lost everything that I had. When Michelle and I got married, the LARGE majority of our things fit into a Honda Civic hatchback. We worked together and got ourselves to where we are today.
Life isn’t easy.
You have remained quiet about this for a long time (as you said). Well now you have vented. Let’s move past it and start fixing it. Sit down with your wife and come up with a game plan – make a realistic objective. Create a plan – Figure out what you need to do to accomplish your goal. Then Execute. Start to think with your mind and not with your emotions. Your best way out of this may be by using your wife. Have her negotiate for you. Let her talk to the social workers. Michelle and I use this strategy often.
My last word of advice is to LAWYER UP. Find someone who is familiar with the law and how to properly execute it. Better yet, they will be your BEST bet for getting out of this.
Closing topic
I’m closing this topic to new replies. Let’s take it to private messages or email if there are further suggestions.
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Matthew P. Barnson