KNIGHT RIDER -or – George Lucas Raps.

“George Lucas rapped my Childhood..” Now.. its an offensive term, and its not rapped, theres only one “p”.. and one that I hear bandied about.. mostly about Star Wars.. and I never got it. I kind of like episodes 1 and 2 and still LOVE Episode three. Who could really get so upset.. its not as good.. but its that thing you love, right?

Wrong.

Good lord, I am sad right now. I LOVED Knight Rider. It was trashy, silly, television that everyone seemed to have fun doing. Talking Car that could jump over trucks but was snarky and sarcastic, Smiling goofball good-guy who can’t be stopped. Bad Cars, cool sci-fi, and lots of fun.

This NEEDS to be given a 2008 gloss..

But alas.. someone took Knight Rider out into the shed and shot it in the face then ate it then pooped it out then put it on television.

Awful. I mean “Freddy’s Dead” awful. I mean Uhura stripshow awful. I mean Jar Jar, Fierce Creatures, Superman vs. Nuclear Man, Arnold as Mr. Freeze, The pets can talk too – AWFUL.

Acting worse than the B-Movies I always watch. Terrible neo-rage-techno music.. (and REALLY overdone sappy music that makes me feel better about the love music in Dead Hunt). Absurd camera angles.. MTV overediting (Literally 20 shots of a montage of Vegas to tell us “We’re in Vegas”).

My friends.. there are three car chases in 2 hours in a knight rider movie (and the car does not jump).. one in which an SUV almost outruns a supercomputer Mustang on sharp turns.. there are exactly 2 fights.. and KITT is not snarky.. he’s aptly voices.. but the car is sympathetic and boring. The hero is depressed. They have 3 minute scene about him having to pee.

Its terrible.. and BORING. REALLY boring.

Oh why.. it could have been good.. it could have been BSG or Buffy or even the new Terminator show.. it could have brought back an icon of silliness that would have been fun to watch in these dark times..

Instead.. it rapped. My childhood. Hold the “pee”