My yard has a terrible gopher problem. I’m not talking just a few burrows… I’m talking DOZENS of holes. The gophers are eating the roots of our plants, we can’t grow a garden because they literally pull the plants down the hole — much like in Caddyshack — and then devour them.
Frustrating!
This morning was the final straw. Our master bedroom is in the basement. Although not as spacious as I would like, it’s very nice because in the summer it remains cool despite the heat. Apparently, a gopher fell into our window well while exploring. He proceeded to dig his way out. He woke me up with the sound of his scrabbling in the dirt. I could hear him working away for hours afterward, too.
So I broke out the shovel and the hose, using the time-honored “flood ’em and whack ’em” method of gopher hunting. Unfortunately, either I drowned a couple in their burrows, or they found a safe hiding place from the water. None ever surfaced for me to smash into paste with my trusty shovel.
How sad. I wanted some extra meat for my stew tonight.
Anyway, I got to researching online in order to understand my enemy better. I wanted to know their habits, what they eat, what attracts and repels them, everything I could so that I could more effectively combat this burrowing menace. The better you know your enemy, the better you can fight them. As General Patton said to Erwin Rommel upon defeating his forces in North Africa, “Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!”
Rather than what I was looking for, I found something else. The Final Solution for burrowing rodents. I found The Rodenator.
HELL YEAH! That’s what I’m talking about! Flood their burrow with a mixture of oxygen and propane, then ignite it. A concussive wave kills or incapacitates the gopher. That same shock wave explodes and collapses the burrow, preventing re-infestation (a big problem: you might kill the gopher, but new owners may move in later. Less work for the new gopher!) Dead gopher. Satisfying explosion. Real results.
The expense is a bit high at $2,000 for the basic kit. So I guess I’ll rent one instead. It will be worth it to kill those varmints. Wile E. Coyote got nothing on me. BLAM!
“essentially. what it does”
“Essentially, what the Rodenator does…”
Essentially, it explodes your yard onto other pieces of your yard. You’re regrading the entire lawn with that thing. You sure you want an explosive substitute? Like you, I enjoy the feeling of personally introducing an invasive pest to a gory demise. However, destroying my property in the meantime extends the original symptom of the pest. Plus, you miss out on the classic gopher face when it recognizes you’ve gone wack-a-mole on them.
I believe gophers suffer from the same problem as deer. Apparently, deer haven’t figure out a way to talk to each other. Otherwise, they would have held a town meeting at some point within the last century and said, “Do NOT run towards the headlights.” Regardless of whether there is an open burrow, decomposing gopher relative, or fleet of sirens warning against the lingering propane smell, new gophers will still come into your garden. Thus, your one-time Rodenator rental won’t do the trick.
Besides, you just moved into your new house. I can see the neighbors standing in their driveways, looking over at you blowing up your front yard. “Destroy! Kill! Boom! MMWWWAAAAhahahahahahaha!!!”
You either need to pull a Ripley (read: Aliens) and find the originating nest, or hit the animal shelter and bring home some feisty-looking mountain lions.
Cats…
Cats have helped keep the population down, but it looks like a litter hatched recently and the activity is much worse than usual. More cats do not seem to be the solution. Maybe I could buy a whole bunch of black snakes.
Anyway, the areas that get wrecked by the yard via the explosive model — if it’s gophers, like me, where the burrows go deep — are already wrecked by gopher holes. You’re just blowing out the plugs the gophers put in to try to keep predators and moisture out.
—
Matthew P. Barnson
Please post pics
Please post pics when you fire up the Rodenator. I would like to see gopher carcasses included. TIA.