Exploring the world of alternative eating…

So, I’ve been on Atkins a couple weeks, and now I’m starting to experiment here and there with some “fake foods”. My latest research involves Maltitol. I thought I’d share some of the results of that research…

Maltitol is a sugar alcohol that is not completely absorbed by the small intestine. The result is that, despite its very sugar-like taste and bulk, it doesn’t generally spike insulin levels, and many of the carbs go down the crapper unabsorbed by your body. But it turns out, to most of the bacteria in your low intestine, a carbohydrate is food. Period. Even if it’s a sugar alcohol. This results in interesting effects that are generally tactfully referred to as “the laxative effect”. Thought I’d share:

Maltitol makes me fart. I had thought that I lost that capability after seriously starting to low carb and it was sad because I had a pretty good reputation as a stinky ripper! I had an identity crisis in the works.
Now, I can joyfully report that I’m back in action thanks to the **tol sugar alcohols. Of course, the aroma is not nearly as devastating as it once was but at least the “sounds” are there so I can at least offend one sense. I guess you can’t have everything.

–“Tony D.”, usenet, asdl-c

For a few, the laxative effect is pronounced, and even a small amount will trigger unpleasant symptoms.

—lowcarb.ca tip

>Funny story, I found some jelly belly jelly beans at an airport store
>one night waiting for a connecting flight. On the front it said made
>with Splenda. One serving is 35 beans. So, I counted out my beans and
>ate em. About an hour later, on the plane, I thought I was going to die!

Same here. Those things wiped me out — cramps, diarrhea, the works. If you read the fine print on the package (VERY fine, I might add), they suggest that if you’ve never had them before that you should eat *half* of one serving.

I don’t handle sugar alcohols well, and those things were by far the most terrifyingly explosive mistake I’ve made so far. Yikes! Never again.

–“Dawn”, Usenet asdl-c

I had bought a shitload of Russel Stovers Pecan Delights (the SF Maltitol kind)…..they were in a big pile on the kitchen table — right there where I could see them everytime I walked by. So, Friday, Sat night, and Sunday were “Attack of the Maltitol Consuming Monster” on RS Pecan Delights (not Sat daytime ’cause I had a date then so I had to get myself under control long enough for that) . It was quite the explosive & smelly weekend too:(

–“Roger Zoul”, Usenet, asdl-c

The moral of the story? Be very, very careful when playing with fake food. It may blow up on you, and not in your face.

That said, I bought a box of Russel Stover mint chocolates tonight — the low-carb kind (that seem really similar to the “sugar free” kind, except they cost twice as much). I guess being unemployed is as good a time as any to experiment with potential gastrointestinal disasters…