Nancy Reagan is a famous and respected First Lady, who popularized the phrase “Just Say No” in speeches, television and radio commercials, and individual meetings with teenagers across the US. These days, the phrase has become a cliche, used for campaigns against Microsoft, environmental waste, and pretty much anything a group wants people to boycott. Prominent politicians in the US, and particularly in my state of Utah, are echoing this refrain in campaigns to focus on abstinence, rather than “safe sex”, in sex education in public schools across the nation.
A Swedish aid organization, attempting to quell that country’s rising incidence of sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancy, has begun a campaign to distribute condoms cheaply, directly to the doors of amorous couples this summer. That’s right: a large van, replete with a giant condom-with-wings logo painted on the side, will drive to doorsteps on request to deliver prophylactics between 4 and 9 PM.
Do you think this has a chance of stemming the rise of STD’s and preventing teen preganancy in the three major cities where vans will be operating, or will the shame of having a large condom-decorated vehicle arrive at one’s house prevent usage of the service? Think it will have the intended effect, or be ignored?
ya know…
Condoms aren’t that hard to get as it is. Can you imagine taking a break to order a condom then waiting for it to arrive before taking the plunge? I think not.
I wonder, though, if they let you use the van.
“Umm… could you park the van around the corner so my dad doesn’t see you there when he comes home from work? Thanks.”
Publicity stunt
My take? I think this attempt is largely a publicity stunt. I think it will accomplish its unstated goal, that of raising awareness among teens to, if they won’t choose abstinence, use protection to avoid unwanted pregnancy and disease. But I think their stated goal of directly affecting the rate of teen pregnancy and sexually-transmitted diseases isn’t going to pan out.
Now, as to the larger question of choosing abstinence over safe sex, that’s a question for statisticians. I reviewed the numbers on teen pregnancies and STD’s, recently, and from this layman’s perspective, it sure looks like over the last thirty years, the numbers really haven’t changed a great deal. They’ve flowed up and down, and we’re currently on the tail-end of a very long downward spiral (which, in this case, is a good thing!).
I think a combination of abstinence education, and no-nonsense, practical sex education is a must. The fact is, some kids will do it, some kids won’t. Parents, though we hope to have some influence, don’t ultimately make that decision for their child. I want my child to completely understand the consequences of sexual choices, what those choices are, including abstinence as the most effective means of preventing sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. But, at the same time, I want them to have the training necessary to know how to prevent dire consequences if they make a poor decision. One mistake need not become a lifetime of mistakes.
But here in Tooele, the neighbors would sure talk if the Condom van showed up at my house. And I think that fact alone would keep kids from calling.
—
Matthew P. Barnson
abstinence
the best way to prevent and unwanted parental talk is to stay away from the temptation. I know that it can be hard sometimes, but if you truly respect yourself. You would learn to stay away from the urge.
Thanx
Numbers
Although I agree that avoiding sexual intercourse before one is ready to make a commitment is a useful ideal, it doesn’t deal with the practical reality that most teenagers have had intercourse by the time they turn 19. Additionally, there’s a strong correlation between abstinence pledges, and those who have taken them having a higher rate of sexually transmitted diseases than those who have not. This causes me to question the viability of purely abstinence-focussed sex education, if the end result is more kids with STDs. A balanced approach, which focusses on abstinence as the most preferable of several methods, seems more pragmatic.
I think that saying kids who have sex as teenagers (once again: most of them) don’t “truly respect themselves” is demeaning. They do respect themselves, they have the urge, and there’s nothing they can do about the “urge”. It’s baked into their genes. They can choose not to act on it. I respect that. But for the vast majority who, despite their earnest desire to remain abstinent, do not, STD and pregnancy avoidance education and availability of methods are critical.
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Matthew P. Barnson
Listen To What The Kids Say
I offer an interesting take on the subject, given a recent conversation I had with a curriculum coordinator of a major school district.
As it currently happens in our country, the public education system is responsible for operating as “a primary instructional instrument for health education curriculum”. Meaning, like math and science, etc. the public is going to learn about health as part of their free education. Of course, one of the main components of health, in most states, is sex ed. The state legislature creates the standards, the department of education teaches the teachers on how to teach the standards, and then teachers at each school have to figure out how to actually impart this information over the din of the student’s raging hormones.
The woman told me that she had an extraordinary experience. Her middle schoolers, upon hearing that health ed curriculum was up for revision, actually called her office and scheduled a meeting with her to ask questions about sex ed curriculum. Yes. Instead of elected officials wrangling for what gets taught, the students decided they would list exactly what they would like to learn. They spent an hour detailing everything they wanted to know. Brilliant. Why hasn’t anyone done this before?
Teaching abstinence-only underserves the quest for knowledge, apparently. The kids know about sex. They’re curious about how to protect themselves from STDs. They want to know how many types of STDs are in existence. Also, the kids wanted to learn about the emotional side of it as well. They wanted to know about relationships. Amazing stuff. And all they hear about is “don’t do it, it’s bad for you.” They know sex isn’t bad for them, they just want to understand everything that’s involved.
To me, it was like reading “Romeo and Juliet”. Here were these teenage kids who fall in teenage-love but don’t know how to outwardly deal with their feelings and emotions…because it’s forbidden. Schools need to teach about everything, including abstinence. Otherwise, we’re just creating a forbidden realm where kids wander confused, lost and less prepared to make good decisions.
The woman told me that she was going to revamp the entire district curriculum based on that one hour of student input. It was evident just from hearing their concerns in an open forum that the proper knowledge wasn’t getting taught in the classrooms.
Get In Groove, Sammy G
Also…
Let’s just say that, as parents, we are somehow able to keep are kids from having sex until they are married. Great for us. Now what?
Are we then supposed to just expect them to understand how to prevent pregnancy if they choose? What about STD’s? I mean, its all well and good to just assume that one’s chosen partner is “clean” but what if they aren’t? Sexual activity is an inherently risky thing in any circumstances. Any. Including monogamous marriage. How would one know that without an education on the subject? Don’t we require that perspective drivers be educated about both the risks inherent to the activity as well as the skills required to perform the task?
As parents, I think we vainly assume that our influence exclusively will determine our childrens’ choices and experiences. What else would explain the fear that a sexual education would automatically lead to sexual behavior? If that were the case then more kids would apply geometry, grammer, and civic responsiblity simply because they are exposed to it in class.
Do I think there should be boundries, guidlines, limits? Yes, of course. Do I know that abstinence is the only way to protect yourself from STD’s? Yes. Do I think that even my responsible, educated, perfect children will forever be abstinent? No, of course not.
Human sexuality is a very powerful thing and more people could benifit by having a better education about it.
Condom vans
(Side note.. Van should say something here, if only because of his name)
Seriously, the first fact is, Kids shouldn’t be having sex. The whol sex before marriage thing aside, and the whole pregnancy/STD thing aside, most teens are unprepared for the emotional connection a sexual relationship brings. More often than not, one or both partners are scarred either by sex, or the termination of the relationship after the sex.
Most teen girls who have sex feel pressured into it, and regret it later in life – also, most remain in unhealthy relationships because they feel they need to after sex is involved. Most teen boys are out for either conquest (as many partners as possible) or ownership (enforcing the felt connection by becoming posessive of their partner) – or they become obsessive about their partner.
So, abstinence needs to be taught.. and as Sam said, the emotional consequences of sex need to be outlined. Adolescence is a screwed up time as it is.. with accidents, homicides, and suicides the biggest causes of deaths. The added burden of sexual emotional baggage for both sexes is a dangerous thing to throw in there.
All that being said, even if we could prevent teen sex, most people will have crossed that line by the end of college at least – and many before the end of high school – and that means that yes, condom use (and availability), STDs, pregnancy, and that stuff needs to be taught early. Someone once said, “If you’re going to make one mistake, better not to make two”.
Before Junior High
A good sex education before High School and yes, even before Junior High is critical. I taught middle school in the inner city of Las Vegas for one year. I was a reading teacher. It was my first year of teaching and I was the youngest teacher in the school. I tried hard to help the students be comfortable with me as their teacher and I think it’s a good thing I did.
During the school year I got pregnant with our second child. It was a planned pregnancy and every thing went well. But I get large fast and I couldn’t keep it from the kids for long. Suddenly reading class turned into sex ed class for about a week. I was actually worried that I’d have parents beating my door down asking why the heck we were talking about babies in my class. Sadly I realized that most of these kids only had one parent who didn’t care or didn’t have time.
What I found was these seventh graders had more questions about having babies than I ever thought about as an adult. Many of them were already sexually active, whether by choice or by abuse. They were interested in know more about the process of birth. I felt like they were willing to ask me these things because I had tried to build a good relationship with them and because I was so young. As far as I could see, none of them felt comfortable going to their parents with their many questions.
Needless to say, it was a great learning experience for me. As for a van showing up at my house with condoms. There could be nothing more embarrassing. —
Christy
The Van…
I laughed out loud at this!
I think this is a critical thing to understand. Kids feel comfortable talking to their peers about this, because they know their peers probably won’t judge them for it. They may even go to teachers about it, knowing the teacher is powerless to do anything to them in reaction to their sexual activities.
But a parent?
Heaven forbid! They could ground me, spank me, or worse!
As much as I want my kids to be open with me, I know how I was as a kid. The last thing I’d want my parent to know was how intimate I was (or wasn’t) with my girlfriend. I could talk to my friends and teachers, but my parents could, and probably would, punish me if I stepped over the imagined lines. That’s why I think it’s important this be taught in schools, in addition to at home. That’s a great story, and a powerful lesson in why we need to teach kids about this often taboo subject — and teach early.
—
Matthew P. Barnson
Costume
Christy, I have this really cool idea for your next Halloween costume…
Get In Groove, Sammy G