Poser

I feel like such a poser.

I feel like such a poser.

As most of you know, there are a few facts about me when it comes to my line of work:

  1. I’m a college dropout
  2. I’m self-educated
  3. I’m hard-working under deadline
  4. I’m opinionated
  5. I’m knowledgeable
  6. I’m cheerful

The problem is, that’s just not enough to redeem my sense of inadequacy. No fewer than three times yesterday, I had co-workers come up and introduce themselves. Their questions were invariably:

  • Are you Jay’s brother? (my brother Jay worked here before I signed on)
  • So you’re our security analyst…
    • Where’d you get your security training?
    • Where’d you graduate from college, and what was your major?

You know, I’ve gotten along fine without the college degree. I’ve learned a ton about the trade over the last decade, and from the results I’m getting, apparently someone with my level of operating systems knowledge is unusual in the business.

But man, do I ever feel inadequate. I mean, first off, my older brother Jay is apparently venerated as a demigod around here. No, I’m not kidding. Not a single person has said a single bad thing about him, and most have sung his praises and said they really wished he was still here. Not like the place has gone to hell in a handbasket or anything since he left, but just that there’s apparently a shortage of really solid programmers willing to work in Quality Assurance.

So that’s the first thing. I know I’m being compared to my big brother, who I readily admit has better social skills and considerably better technical skills than I do. Strike one.

And then there’s “What’s your degree?” (No degree, but I majored in Music Theory and Composition), “Where’d you go to school” (a hick college in Rexburg, Idaho, and I dropped out), and “What kind of security training do you have” (on-the-job work with a ton of different hardware, but no certifications), and it’s enough that I feel like a redneck in muddy boots, plaid jacket, and a baseball cap, attending a black-tie opera.

I figure I’ll get my legs, but like most new places, I can’t rely on a long list of impressive credentials to get me through. I can’t even rely on the good name of my big brother 🙂 I feel as if I have to push harder, get more done, and show that I’m better than the rather low expectations set for me in order to be respected.

It’s always a hard road. And I’ve been known to fall flat on my face more than once trying. I find myself wondering if having that slip of paper saying “Bachelor’s Degree” makes this any easier.

So what does it take for you to feel out-of-place, anyway? I don’t think I’m alone in enormous feelings of inadequacy…

9 thoughts on “Poser”

  1. In Addition

    You’re also ugly.

    But seriously folks — similar discussion happened in the Sammy G world. The fiancee was talking about getting an MBA to boost sense of adequacy and acceptance within the higher-echelon business ranks. I advised her against this because I believe that the MBA is the most worthless advanced degree in the U.S. education system.

    The only reason, the absolute ONLY reason, why anyone our age should enroll in higher ed is to get a job, or get a better paying job. Yes: J-O-B. That’s it. That’s the reason. If you don’t need to go through a higher ed program to land a stable career, then why waste the money?

    Here’s why the MBA is such a joke: there’s no licensure required to perform as a businessman. Go look at the top execs in the U.S. and tell me if they have MBAs. If you don’t need a degree to perform, and you have the knowledge to perform, then it’s my opinion that going into debt to receive a piece of paper (read: degree) is a waste of money and time. I wish I could go back in time and prevent myself from going through the program.

    Matt, here’s my rationale why you shouldn’t feel inadequate. Do you need an advanced degree in CompSci to perform as a solid programmer? If someone asks you where you got credentialed, you should absolutely cite personal experience and on-the-job training and then remind your inquisitors that they spend lots of money and time to be in the same place you are. The J-O-B is the ultimate outcome for getting a degree.

    Fields that require advanced degrees or licensure: medical, legal Fields that don’t require advanced degrees or licensure: business, computers, manufacturing, government, agriculture, transportation

    1. Oh SH*T

      So I don’t need to enroll in the Masters of Landscaping so I can work on my yard? The dean of Agriculture said it would greatly increase my chances of appearing in Better Homes & Gardens.

      The wifey and I are actually going through something like this now. She’s a nurse and I’m a computer geek. I get a masters in computer science, I may get $10-20K more a year.

      She gets a masters in nursing (which is called a nurse practioner) and becomes a nurse anesthestist (sp?), she doubles or triples her salary.

      So we’re sending HER to school and I’ll wait. I told her once she gets the degree I’ll stay at home with the kids. Then when the kida are at school, I’ll have a single digit handicap and the best landscape job in the county 🙂

      My $.02 Weed

      1. Good perspectives…

        Good perspectives on it. According to the salary surveys I’ve read, a Bachelor’s degree would get me about 15%-20% more pay per year. So if I just do the math and figure out how expensive my education will be in time (that I’m not earning my decent hourly rate), tuition, books, etc. and then figure out how long it would take me to earn back the money I lost getting the education if I got the 20% pay increase, it might make it easier to figure out the best choice.

        There’s still that self-esteem thing, but maybe I just need to stop kicking myself in the butt rather than pay for a degree to make me feel better about my credentials 🙂

        —
        Matthew P. Barnson

        1. Think….

          Don’t you remember back at Rick’s college, and the community college back in MD? You hated class. You despised teachers making you do busy work, class time was worthless since you know more than the teacher in most classes, you were bored.

          I have a four year degree and you make three times what I would be making as a professional educator right now in our local school district. It would take me a lifetime to make half of what you’re making. Here in our school district, if I had a Master’s Degree, my pay increase would go up $500 a year. Yes, that’s it. Being self taught in a career of your liking is perfectly acceptable. Should you ever decide to go back to school, do it internet based and clep out of as many classes as you can.

          As I recall it was your folks that bugged you for years about getting a degree. I won’t quote, but they finally quit bugging you about it when they found out you were making as much as your oldest brother who has a degree. So what was the problem again?

          Besides that, I don’t recall hearing of a degree tailored to Unix systems Admin. You pretty much have to be self taught. There may be new degree titles that I’m unaware of, but back in the day when we were in school, you would have been a programmer.

          The line on your resume that says, “With a book I can accomplish anything,” is there for a reason!!!

          I’m betting at work they’re just excited to know of a good family work ethic they’ve found in the Barnson clan!–

          Christy

        2. If it makes you feel any bett

          If it makes you feel any better. I have a close circle of friends from college (about 10-15). Half finished at UMCP and the other half didn’t. We got on the topic of salary one day. We figured out that the group that dropped out of college averages 15K/person more than the people that finished their degrees. So basically the people that stuck it out are making less money and having to spend more money in student loans. I’ll admit, sometimes the piece of paper will help you get in the door. But its more important what people see you do once you are there.

          — The One-and-Only Bryan Gregg

        3. Don’t fall for the hype!

          Please feel free to share your thoughts on my message board at http://www.halfpastnine.com (You don’t have to agree)

          Matthew,

          College, in general, college is for suckers. Those stats don’t take into account the advantages people have since birth. Going to college is expensive, most degrees are crap, and the people making money are usually well connected to begin with.

          By they way, may I quote you for my book? April

          1. Of course…

            Of course you can quote me for your book. Really, a blog is a record of public statements… as long as you abide by whatever the copyright is there (mine is “everything here is owned by me or by the people who post it”), fair use entitles anybody to quote anybody else on anything said in public.

            —
            Matthew P. Barnson

  2. Don’t worry too much.

    Don’t worry too much, the expectations there aren’t too high. If you plough through the work, ask questions when you are stuck, but only ask the same questions once or twice, you’ll be fine.

    Brian Hacking

    – Former <company withheld> QA Contracter #2

    EDIT by matthew: Removed company reference. I’m pretty free with my personal details, but as I relate work-related stories and sometimes rant about work on my blog, I prefer not to mention company names 🙂

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