I realize this is probably really old news, but I just discovered Dilbert’s Automated Mission Statement Generator. What a hoot!
My favorite so far:
It is our mission to quickly disseminate enterprise-wide information in order that we may collaboratively initiate high standards in intellectual capital to stay competitive in tomorrow’s world.
That sounds exactly like something I’d expect to hear from one of my company’s execs or commitees.
Slashdot recently featured a story about an interview regarding Corporate Weasel Words that’s kind of in this same vein. I love the final Q&A in the interview:
Why should we be vigilant about language?
When you turn language into an assembly line, you take all the potential out of it. You can’t write a poem in this language. You can’t tell a joke, you can’t convey feeling. You can’t discover new meanings. This writing is incapable of taking you anywhere. It’s deliberately circumscribed. It’s almost an abuse of human rights.
Maximizing my personal leverage through editorial commentary…
As a one-time English major now getting my first experience in the wonderful world of technical writing, I can personally express my frustration at this phenomenon. I’m frequently seeing examples (and catching myself doing it too) of writing down instructions that are clear and concise, then re-writing them to make them sound more “business-oriented.” Needless to say, this rewriting frequently obscures the original meaning.
My father, once an English teacher, is now a higher-up at Worldbank, where he says he occasionally comes under criticism for his tongue-in-cheek memos that are a)concise, b) clear, and c) actually fun to read. Horror of horrors!
We are trained from very early that Creative writing (for leisure reading, like poems and novels) is mutually exclusive from Essay writing (Five paragraph theses and business reports). Why can’t language be useful AND fun?
Nothing would make me trust a company more than reading a memo that had a sense of humor.
Arthur Rowan Brother Katana of Reasoned Discussion Rebel Leader and Infrastructure Analysis Manager for Quality Customer Assurance for the Unitarian Jihad