Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

11 thoughts on “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”

1. SPOILER WARNING

   Here’s a few scattered predictions of what we can expect. SPOILER WARNING for those who’ve not yet read through book 5.

   And before I get any angry e-mails, let me say first off that I LOVE this series. Those who have read my predictions on the new George RR Martin book — a series which I also love — will by now know that part of my expression of said love is to occasionally poke fun at the little idiosyncracies of a particular piece of work. So no one get their knickers in a twist… I’ll be there midnight on Friday with the rest of you. 🙂

   PREDICTIONS:

   1. Dumbledore will do something odd that makes Harry think that he’s done something to make the old wizard not like him anymore. Rather than question the old man, which would lead to every misunderstanding being straightened out and, ultimately, solving the mystery of the year rather handily, Harry will sulk.

   2. Ron and Hermione will verbally spar over who’s going out with who, much sexual tension will ensue, and in the end the two of them will STILL not get together.

   3. Cho will make an at least brief appearance, during which she will cry.

   4. Just as the plot is getting really good and we’re getting really wrapped up, we’ll take a short departure from the interesting aspects of the novel to deal with SPEW, house-elves, and trying to figure out just exactly what kind of social commentary Rowling is aiming for…

   4a. On a related note, as a long-term prediction, house elves will come to replace Ewoks as the official cute yet annoying icons of our culture. Book 7 will end, as Voldemort’s lair explodes, not at Hogwarts or in London, but rather in the House Elf forest village, where they will entertain all the wizards (and us readers) with a house elf tribal song. Lyrics will be included.

   5. The ancient question of “Why does Dumbledore keep trusting Snape?!” will finally be answered when it is revealed that Snape is in actuality the lovechild of Dumbledore and the Queen Mother. So THAT’s who the half-blood prince is…

   6. More exciting Quidditch games! We’ll get to see one particularly good match during which the teams fight bitterly and amazingly for every goal, until after a three hour game, when the score is tied 110 to 110 and the players are so exhausted they’re nearly falling off their brooms, one of the seekers will catch the Snitch, thus achieving in half a minute of gameplay a point-jump so vast that it renders the three hours hard work put in by all the other team players insignificant.

   7. The Hogwarts staff wil finally make the connection that literally EVERY evil wizard that has ever been has come from the Slytherin school. A slight modification to the sorting process will be made, where the four options that the Sorting Hat can shout are changed to “Gryffindor,” “Ravenclaw,” “Hufflepuff,” and “Azkaban.”

   8. Hufflepuff, with their one brief chance at greatness killed (quite literally) by the death of Cedric Diggory, will continue its inexorable slide into obscurity. All Hufflepuff boys will grow up to be the “nice guys” and “good friends” that all the girls go to for comfort after their Slytherin boyfriends hurt them, AGAIN. Not that any of the Hufflepuffs are bitter…

   9. Harry Potter will sell his soul to Satan… astonishingly, every over-religious imagination-lacking parent will be proven 100% correct, as thousands of heathen children across the country turn to the TRUE Dark Lord, receive dark powers of witchcraft, and join gangs.

   Arthur Rowan Brother Katana of Reasoned Discussion Rebel Leader and Half-Blood King of the Unitarian Jihad

   1. Too funny!

      Wow, that’s just… wow.

      Hey, but as a fellow fan, there’s something just wrong here…

      7. The Hogwarts staff wil finally make the connection that literally EVERY evil wizard that has ever been has come from the Slytherin school.

      Wormtail? Hah! Based on your single mis-characterization in this piece, I hereby dismiss the entire thing as complete hogwarts!

      erm, hogwash!

      —
      Matthew P. Barnson

      1. I am foiled! I completely for

         I am foiled! I completely forgot about Wormtail! I feel particularly stupid…

         In my defense, however, Wormtail would never have had the ambition to go evil on his own… he needed a Slytherin to tempt him… so had Slytherin been non-existant, I content that Wormtail would never have gone evil.

         Arthur Rowan Brother Katana of Reasoned Discussion Rebel Leader and Dance Instructor for the Unitarian Jihad

         1. Swiss cheese!

            Bah, your argument holds water like swiss cheese 😉 Remember, there’s still Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. Even if they incarcerated all Slytherins, well, then England would simply have to import its evil.

            Could it be that the Slytherins, in fact, serve as a bulwark against evil wizards from abroad? By their mere presence, and scheming to maintain power, they forestall the invasion from offshore. So, in their way, perhaps they are protecting the country!

            Because, like, you know, the only thing worse than evil is, like, foreign evil. Y’know!

            (There are days the conversation in this place feels like a high-school cafeteria. This is one of them. This is a really good thing!)

            —
            Matthew P. Barnson

   2. I missed this…

      BTW, I missed this:

      Rebel Leader and Half-Blood King of the Unitarian Jihad

      Anybody ever told you you’re entirely too clever for your own good?

      —
      Matthew P. Barnson

2. One more prediction

   J.K. Rowling will finally switch from heating her house with electricity to simply setting fire to $100 bills.

   Or 100 pound notes. Or whatever the hell they use in Wales. Or Scotland. Or wherever the hell she’s from.

   Can’t wait for the new book, and the hernia that will entail from carrying it around for 2 weeks.

   — Ben

   1. I didn’t know all you guys li

      I didn’t know all you guys liked Harry Potter. I pre-ordered my book from Amazon. I just got an email saying they are preparing it for shipment. I should have it soon but probably not until Monday. This link is long and I don’t know how to put a link on here. Matt, if you can help with this…thanks. This is from NBC4.com. It talks about each book and if you click on the books you can take different quizzes to see how much you really know:

      Really long NBC4 link.

      EDIT by matthew: Linked.

      1. Yawn….

         I took a couple of the quizzes, but… <yawn> they were a little too easy. You gotta understand, we’re a house full of Potterheads. I’ve probably listened to every single book (we have each in both written and audiobook) at least four or five times, and read each one twice.

         We also own the Harry Potter Trading Card game, and have… well, HUNDREDS of cards. We play a few times a month, and the amount of minutiae covered by the bylines on the bottom of the cards is staggering.

         The two times reading were all me; the listening times were because we use them on long trips to keep the kids occupied. Anyway, on a scale from 1-10, I’d rank the quizzes about a “2”. If you don’t know the answers and get perfect (or near-perfect), you’re no no true Potterhead…

         —
         Matthew P. Barnson

         1. Impressed

            Wow I am impressed. Genna is just getting into reading the books. I have all of the books and only one audiobook. I must say, I am impressed!!!

3. XXXXXX is dead. i have read

   XXXXXX is dead. i have read the book. HBP is a new character, or Snape.

   EDIT by matthew: Removed name. In a few months, I won’t be worried about “spoiling” anything, but right now, I had to nuke it. Sorry.

4. I am disgusted…

   …This book makes me angry. Very, very angry. I cried..for the last 150 pages.

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